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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask, how much are Mumsnetters owed in maintenence arrears?

517 replies

whothehellknows · 11/07/2015 14:19

I know from previous threads that there are lots of us on MN with ExP's that do anything they can to avoid maintenence.

Last night in a fit of ire (because ExP who "can't afford to pay maintenence" told me about how he's looking to buy a fucking boat) I used the CMS calculator to double check how much he should have been paying all this time. In total, our kids have missed out on over £6000 in payments in two years. The number really shook me. I'm sitting here thinking how many times I've cried in desperation trying to make ends meet, worked overtime, sold my stuff and gone without to take care of my kids. What a difference that money could have made.

I know it's a broken record, but I can't help but think that lone parents would need a lot less help from the state if NRP's had to step up and pay for their kids.

So out of curiosity, more than anything else, I'm wondering how much mumsnetters have had to make do without-- I'm betting it's a mind blowing amount.

If your ex should be paying and isn't, how much has he managed to dodge?

OP posts:
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TheFormidableMrsC · 15/08/2015 21:18

Jodie I would ring the tax credits people and ask. Of course he is declaring about £100, mine is doing the same. Indeed mine resigned as a director of his own company who was previously taking £1,500 in salary plus £1,500 in dividends to suddenly being an "employee" earning £640 a month. They are all fucking cunts. Excuse my language. I cannot bear that these men do this when the only ones to suffer are their children. I am working on finding some publicity for this and hope that if I can find somebody who will take this story on you will all be behind me!

I will report back when I can and hope that everybody will keep this thread "live" with stories and updates...

lavenderhoney · 15/08/2015 21:38

My ex dh lives outside UK and European jurisdiction and cannot be made to pay. he tells me it's my fault the kids go without for divorcing him and he will make sure they know that. Apparently I should have put up with his philandering and awful behaviour " for the sake of the children and family values"

He is currently taking me to court to force the sale of the house, has taken half my pension, and as he has no contact apart from Skype with the DC, can easily earn a lot more than me in a tax free environment.

He tells the DC he pays for everything ( er, no) So either I help him keep up the super dad image and agree it's all my fault dd can't do ballet anymore or I explain dad won't pay, although he can easily afford it - and screw up his relationship with them.

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/08/2015 22:04

Lavender, depending on how old your DC's are, I would be having a full and frank...he sounds like a cunt lovely man....

lavenderhoney · 16/08/2015 00:02

DC are under 8. And he's given me today a deadline of Monday morning 9.00am to respond or its court for everything. He says he wants me penniless. It won't be long now, until I am.

He tells me this is what I've done to the DC for divorcing him. It's all my fault, because I wouldn't put up with his behaviour anymore. Recently I had to run in the night from his bil in Europe, in the night with the DC and puppy ex dh bought the DC as a surprise - as his Db threatened me, shouted at me and got in my face, and promised to take the dc away in front of of the DC . Ex dh isn't worried about that. Apparently I ruined his DM birthday by running away. Again.

I have to say, I never thought anything like this would happen to me.

TheFormidableMrsC · 16/08/2015 00:18

Lavender where are you exactly? UK? I would ignore all his shitty threats and let him do his worst...what a twat...

Don't respond....

HelenaDove · 16/08/2015 00:24

Lavender im so sorry to hear this. What an utter utter shitweasel Angry

lavenderhoney · 16/08/2015 00:37

I'm in the UK now.
I escaped from the ME about 18 months ago. Now recently divorced, ( with great difficulty as he fought that too) charged with desertion,( have ignored) and now facing financial ruin. Plus the recent nightnare of having to run again.

This is the wrong place for this, sorry. I might start another thread for help and support. Not sure where though.

HelenaDove · 16/08/2015 00:40

Its still relevant lavender Financial abusers usually abuse in other ways too. Thanks

TheFormidableMrsC · 16/08/2015 00:58

Lavender, its not the wrong place but given what you are saying you should actually start a separate thread..please link it here...there will be lots of help and support and it won't be sidelined with the "maintenance" issue here...which might work better for you. Gosh he sounds like an utter fucking nightmare...please do post...I am sure we can all give you some advice or at least hand holding xx

HelenaDove · 16/08/2015 01:03

Yep What Mrs C said x

VinoTime · 16/08/2015 01:16

Just shy of £13,000 - and that's only based on working a minimum wage job all these years, so it could potentially be higher.

He's skirted the system for over 8 years by signing on and working cash in hand. I get £5 a week.

I used to get angry about it. I don't anymore. He's a useless pile of cack and I don't like to use up energy thinking about him.

CreviceImp · 15/04/2016 13:15

I am rebooting this today and asking if anyone on this thread can head over to petitions and offer their support.

Also it would be lovely if we could update this.

I will start with mine...... According to their records on 12/03/16 my XH Owed.....

£79,479.75.

Usernamesarehard · 16/04/2016 09:13

Just worked it out and depressed to realise it's over £40,000, going by £70 a week.

annandale · 16/04/2016 10:15

I'm fascinated that people are advised not to mention unpaid child support in court cases. Why don't the judges ask?

cannotlogin · 16/04/2016 10:23

I'm fascinated that people are advised not to mention unpaid child support in court cases. Why don't the judges ask?

because maintenance and contact are not linked - in Law.

Essentially, a child has a right to a relationship with both parents. You cannot (and should not) punish a child for the actions of their parents. Maintenance is a 'thing' between parents, not the children. What right would I have to say to my ex 'you can see our children when you start paying maintenance'? Who is being punished there?

However, I should say, that many solicitors/barristers will somehow get in the matter of unpaid maintenance in court proceedings if at all possible. It's part of an overall picture and speaks volumes.

EmpressofBlandings · 16/04/2016 10:28

Another one here gobsmacked by the amounts of money on this thread, and really thinking MNHQ could and should get involved in making this a proper campaign.

annandale · 16/04/2016 10:59

No, fair enough if the issue is about contact. I'd misunderstood, thought that the cases mentioned were about the financial side.

MaitlandGirl · 16/04/2016 11:04

$32,594 and that's assessed at the very basic level as he refuses to communicate with the Australian CSA. He'll get one hell of a shock when he comes to Australia on business as he wont be allowed to leave until he pays up :D

He's in a really well paid job and stays/eats in 5 star hotels at least 3 times a month - in fact he's away more than he's at home but he won't pay up.

Stupid arse put his life all over Twitter so it's easy to see where he is and what his lifestyles like.

CreviceImp · 16/04/2016 11:34

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/126895

For all those wishing to bring this into public debate.

evilcherub · 16/04/2016 11:39

I just wanted to post that anyone who thinks their ex is avoiding tax can report anonymously to HMRC online here; <a class="break-all" href="https://online.hmrc.gov.uk/shortforms/form/TEH_IRF?dept-name=TEH&sub-dept-name=&location=39&origin=www.hmrc.gov.uk" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">online.hmrc.gov.uk/shortforms/form/TEH_IRF?dept-name=TEH&sub-dept-name=&location=39&origin=www.hmrc.gov.uk

HumpMeBogart · 27/05/2016 23:53

Bumping this. Petition has only
Got @700 signatures and deadline is October. Please sign and share on social media.

I'm not a parent but have watched my two best friends go through financial (and emotional) hell for the last 10 years because the fathers of their DCs refused to pay. This is wrong on every level. People do care, they just don't know how bad it is.

Cluesue · 27/05/2016 23:58

Well I don't know how much in £,but 10 years worth for Dd1(10) and 3.5 years for Dd2(3.11)

Myusernameismyusername · 28/05/2016 00:10

Nothing, because it's a very small amount he graciously ordaines me with and I cannot face having a row with him about it

gunsandbanjos · 28/05/2016 00:31

I don't get a penny from my ex, he was so nasty when we split and threatened to try and force the sale of the flat - it's in my name only and I was the only one contributing anything to the household for years. He was always between jobs or trying to start his own business that inevitably ended up actually costing us money. There's also no equity in it.
He was just being spiteful! He reasoned that seeing as I got the flat that absolved him of any need to pay maintenance, go figure... I was too tired to fight him anymore.

LobsterQuadrille · 28/05/2016 12:36

This makes dismal reading ..... I'm more sorry that I am not alone. Ex H has never paid a penny towards DD (now 18) but lives overseas so outside of any CSA/CMS agreements. I'm lucky that I've never needed his money I suppose. Best wishes to all those hoping to get useless exes to pay up.

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