To ask, how much are Mumsnetters owed in maintenence arrears?

[whothehellknows]

I know from previous threads that there are lots of us on MN with ExP's that do anything they can to avoid maintenence.

Last night in a fit of ire (because ExP who "can't afford to pay maintenence" told me about how he's looking to buy a fucking boat) I used the CMS calculator to double check how much he should have been paying all this time. In total, our kids have missed out on over £6000 in payments in two years. The number really shook me. I'm sitting here thinking how many times I've cried in desperation trying to make ends meet, worked overtime, sold my stuff and gone without to take care of my kids. What a difference that money could have made.

I know it's a broken record, but I can't help but think that lone parents would need a lot less help from the state if NRP's had to step up and pay for their kids.

So out of curiosity, more than anything else, I'm wondering how much mumsnetters have had to make do without-- I'm betting it's a mind blowing amount.

If your ex should be paying and isn't, how much has he managed to dodge?

I don't know how much I'm owed because he lies to HMRC about his income and only pays £7 a week towards supporting his DD.
I despise the fucker.

I should have received around £27k from the bastard. I probably saw a couple of hundred at most.

I believe in Kharma though, so it will all work out in the end.

BTW - Apart from wondering at how he can be so awful to his lovely kids, the thing that I find probably most upsetting about my Sis's ex (I know him and used to be friends with him) is when my eldest niece was old enough to start to understand some of this stuff and he point blank lied to her, saying he paid his way, and he paid large sums (which he didn't). That created a terrible situation for everyone, which my sister resolved in the end by showing her DD all her bank statements - but aside from not paying, telling stupid lies was just making it worse for everyone. My niece, sadly (for her), hasn't got much good to say about her Dad, although she does still spend time with him.

I've had nothing from dd1's father ever, and she's nearly 16. So even if he'd been unemployed all that time it would be £4000. I have no hope of ever getting anything from him, I haven't even heard from him in 16 years, so I barely give it a second thought.

It's reckoned there is about £1 million in maintenance arrears for every county in the UK, I think that's an underestimate TBH

Floundering I agree that this is a massive underestimate. I'd say we have reached a million in this thread which has only 56 messages.

Here in Canada we have better laws. Non-payers can have their licence taken away and ultimately go to jail. Very few ever do and I see plenty of non-payers here.

In my utopia, the government (that would be me) would pay the resident parent and the non-resident parent would owe me. Since I have benefit records, tax records and really want to get my money back, I will pursue people who don't pay. If they avoid or on't pay, they can go to jail and make licence plates or mail bags at minimum wage until I have my money.

Never going to happen because it's simply not important to people in charge.

Ex has disappeared. Did so within weeks of separating.
Just did a calculator based on his income then. Over 15 years for 3 dc's he owes 499,600.. Still has another year at least to pay.

Wouldn't that be lovely MrsT. Ultimately it is not important because it is mainly women that are affected.

I find it very irritating to note that the government is all about smacking down these dreadful single/divorced mums with their children living on benefits or tax credits, but they do sweet fuck all about the fathers who don't pay maintenance for those same children.

Note that the entire responsibility and stigma is on the mum. The father gets off scott free to repeat the process somewhere else.

This is awful. There really needs to be tougher sanctions against parents that don't pay. And paying £7 a week - wtf??

Women are our worst enemy though. I have lost count of the number of women my ex has had relationships with who are happy to stand by him whilst he doesn't support his children. They all buy into the 'she's a bitch/she got the house/she never paid a penny' bollox that he spouts and as he's been very clever and changed his entire social group since us splitting up, there is no one around him to correct or even challenge him.

In addition, so many women (and it is always women in my experience - so far at least) who ask thousands and thousands of questions, looking for a reason as to why I was left high and dry: did I marry young, did I marry quickly, do I have an education, did I work in marriage, were the children planned, do they have the same father, did we have children quickly....I am higher degree educated and professionally qualified, work full time (now - was a SAHM when married), met my ex at the age of 30, had lived with another man and had plenty of relationships, had travelled the world independently, didn't marry until we had been together 3 years, didn't have children until we had been together 6 years etc. etc. There is nothing - and I mean nothing - in my 'profile' to suggest I somehow deserved what happened to me. But people look for it - it's kind of like divorce and single parenting are somehow catching and people are looking for a reason to say 'hey, I have immunity!'

It absolutely needs to become a social 'norm' that child maintenance is paid without question. Those who refuse to pay need to be shunned and ashamed instead of loud and proud as they currently are. I am betting most people reading this know someone who is loud about their refusal to pay maintenance and I'll bet most of those people never question or challenge it. Rather, they'll sit there and buy into the 'she's a money-grabbing single mum on benefits who got the house, contents, savings and half my pension' shite that they spout. There needs to be a massive change in society's thinking as to who exactly is responsible for parenting - and stop blaming those of us who have been left holding the baby (or babies) and are doing our best.

About £36K. Which is more than I earn in 2 years. It's why we live technically on the poverty line. I'll never see a penny of it and ex continues to see the kids

Ex been gone for almost 4 months already owes about £1000 and that's a conservative estimate. He's paying the some money to me for debts he incurred on the house.

But as his Mum says why am I complaining about being in arrears with the nursery he is trying his best.....

It should be as repulsive to not pay for your children's food when you don't live with as it is when you do. Morally, it should be seen as abusive to avoid paying. Instead of, in some cases, a fun game.

If he had stayed in work, about 28K.

His techniques are pissing about at university, pretending to be ill, giving up jobs and sponging off his mother when he is sanctioned.

I really don't understand it. Nothing affects his earning power, no childcare or day to day expenses (even his own rent, bills and food) to cover but he prefers to financially abuse his DC.

Good post Fedupbutfine.

Many, many good posts on this thread.

I just did a quick calculation and it's currently about £50k. Dc 1&2 father has paid the grand total of £50 in 13 years whereas dc3 father has paid nothing, not even nappies when he was a baby. Apparently his transport costs every 5-6 months (to travel 11 miles!) to are him whilst he attends parents evenings are a contribution of sorts

I know how to pick 'em

Just totalled mine up, it totalled £238k up to 2009. To be fair, this also includes his half of the mortgage that he never paid from 2002 to 2009.

I did a transfer of equity in 2009 and cut my losses with him. He actually turned up with a handwritten letter stating that he was no longer "emotionally or financially liable for the children". Solicitor cried when she read it as it was so spitefully written.

Kids not seen him since..

Just over £20k here. DD is nearly 10 and we haven't seen or heard from him in 7 years. Even when she was little and he was seeing her I've never had a penny from him. Funnily enough, I received my letter from the CSA this morning informing me that they had closed my case and would no longer be chasing him for payments. Except they never did chase him in the first place! I have them all of his details, and have called them several times over the years only to be told that he doesn't answer his phone or respond to letters so there's nothing they can do. Great, thanks for all the help .

Currently about £2500. Tells the kids that she (yep, SHE. It's not just men who can be fuckwits) pays loads every month and we should be buying them XYZ with this imaginary money. Doesn't contribute financially for anything at all. Has no over night contact.

It's just gone to a deductions of earnings order to take payment directly from her wages. The first payment is meant to be August...if that one happens I'm almost certain it will be the one and only that we will receive as she will quit work.

Apologies, I missed out the decimal point. That should have read £23.8k not £238k.

god their are some utter cunts out there aren't there?

my ex fucked anything with a pulse - including the women he left me and our 3 kids for - but he fucking pays up above the CSA amount and always on time

When my case moved to CMS, the CSA wrote asking if I would like to forget the arrears they had managed to assign to him. About £2000.

Why would I want to do that?

Not much I don't think. Last time I looked at getting CSA involved he would have owed me about two pounds a week. Fat lot of good that would have done, especially as things were only superficially smoothed out between us at the time, so I didn't bother.

No idea if he has been working since or whether he is living with somebody with children (I know he's not living with the children he was at the time, one of whom was also his.)