To ask, how much are Mumsnetters owed in maintenence arrears?

[whothehellknows]

I know from previous threads that there are lots of us on MN with ExP's that do anything they can to avoid maintenence.

Last night in a fit of ire (because ExP who "can't afford to pay maintenence" told me about how he's looking to buy a fucking boat) I used the CMS calculator to double check how much he should have been paying all this time. In total, our kids have missed out on over £6000 in payments in two years. The number really shook me. I'm sitting here thinking how many times I've cried in desperation trying to make ends meet, worked overtime, sold my stuff and gone without to take care of my kids. What a difference that money could have made.

I know it's a broken record, but I can't help but think that lone parents would need a lot less help from the state if NRP's had to step up and pay for their kids.

So out of curiosity, more than anything else, I'm wondering how much mumsnetters have had to make do without-- I'm betting it's a mind blowing amount.

If your ex should be paying and isn't, how much has he managed to dodge?

I think a good start would be to look at the average housing costs, utilities, food, clothing, transport, school costs etc basically everything it costs to keep a child in the UK and then halve it. Compare that to the average figure of CS and see how it comes out.

Sorry, submitted too soon. I would be happy to research it but its a big job, perhaps we could all take one part and then submit it, we all double check each others figures and create a document with it on?

I agree that a private FB group would be a good idea, although that does obviously have issues over privacy and security but I cant think of a better way to do it.

There are calculations for the cost of raising a child in the UK. Iirc it comes to hundreds of thousands of pounds, although I'm not sure it includes school costs and it can probably be done somewhat cheaper. Still...

230k
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/11360819/Average-cost-of-raising-a-child-in-UK-230000.html

If we were to calculate child care costs to allow single sahm to work, then only the highest bands of cm would probably cover the cost.

That is another thing weekend dads often forget. The mother may have to pay child care, or she's not able to work. Who pays her salary for child caring 24h a day for most of the week?

Just spotted my ex on FB saying to someone he works 5 days a week so too tired to do something this weekend... Interesting because the CSA claimed they could find no evidence of him having a job at all... I can screen cap it for starters, but as they don't even seem to know how to use the internet, yet...

That's infuriating! Can you phone up to report him to DWP (rather than using the online form) and follow up by sending your screen shot?

On the calculations of child costs, the 230k is up to 21 years, giving about 11k per year and 900 per month.
These are sobering figures.

Even these "essentials" put it well at over 3000 per year with no childcare costs.

And report the bastard.

Yes, childcare costs are the biggest expense for many of us who are single parents and work full time (or they were before I had teenagers) On some divorces the parents share one nanny or childminder and split the cost between them or have one live in au pair who moves between the two homes. That kind of thing works quite well or they pay half the cost of the nursery each. If you have 3 children 4 as we did at one point in full time childcare that is a huge chunk out of each salary

Why don't we tweet using the hashtag #WhatsYourMagicNumber followed by the arrears we're owed and see if we can get it trending?

Good call soul, especially if we can get some media attention

Good idea soul, I am caught in the trap of my ex being self employed so the csa/cms are not seemingly interested or able to get him to pay. To date he owes £6000.

It really is so disempowering to just have to accept this. Awful. Especially with all the hate at the moment for single parents, benefit scroungers etc with no mention of all the none paying parents.

Here's something to share on twitter if you want to try to see if we can get the hashtag trending

My cousin was one of those too text, she was left to live on £11 a week at one point, thats for everything, gas, electric, food, clothes, everything. She ended up declaring bankruptcy as she had had no choice but to live on her credit cards that she had had before her ex fucked off in a midnight flit with OW :(

But by comparing it the welfare cuts it shows that many women (and lets face it, it usually is) are dependent on welfare not because they are workshy baby machines who will fuck anything with a pulse "just to get me council house!" but because the fathers of those children refuse to pay for their support. And that if there was a real crackdown then women who dont claim benefits as they dont need to could be incentivised with tax breaks, more childcare tax breaks etc.

Ever had a penny. So eventually it will be 18 years worth. What is that likely to be?

He is self employed. Seems to be doing ok. Bought a 3 bed detached house. Has another DC now. I imagine it's a 5 figure sum.

Athena take a rough guess at his income and put it in the CSA calculator.

At £250 a week with no other children it works out at £30 a week which over 18 years is £28,000 ish.

Ok so it would have been less when your DC was a baby, but I would also imagine he is earning more than £1200 a month now too so it evens out.

text

I dont think its a major risk tbh, after what happened the last time this was tried. It was a huge disaster, proven to be so, which is why maintenance has been taken out of the assessments. They are already sailing close the wind with what they are doing, it will cost them far more to implement that again than it would save.

I think the campaign is a good idea but it may attract attention from MRAs at some point.

True Helena but anything that sees us getting out of "breeder/feeder" pigeon hole will invite that reaction.

Why should stop campaigning for what we are owed on the basis that some inadequate will try and stop us? Didnt stop the suffragettes!

Theres an idea, we are the Suffra-dont-gets :o

Totally agree.

Suffra-dont-gets

Is there any time bar on claiming?

I think a claim was made automatically when I claimed IS over a decade ago. I never heard anything about it.

It's not something I've ever chased up. Remembering what he was like he'll do everything he can to avoid paying (he wouldn't quit work/go on benefits though). To avoid a court dispute/non paternity claim etc I've not persued it but with such huge sums of money involved maybe I should now?