To ask, how much are Mumsnetters owed in maintenence arrears?

[whothehellknows]

I know from previous threads that there are lots of us on MN with ExP's that do anything they can to avoid maintenence.

Last night in a fit of ire (because ExP who "can't afford to pay maintenence" told me about how he's looking to buy a fucking boat) I used the CMS calculator to double check how much he should have been paying all this time. In total, our kids have missed out on over £6000 in payments in two years. The number really shook me. I'm sitting here thinking how many times I've cried in desperation trying to make ends meet, worked overtime, sold my stuff and gone without to take care of my kids. What a difference that money could have made.

I know it's a broken record, but I can't help but think that lone parents would need a lot less help from the state if NRP's had to step up and pay for their kids.

So out of curiosity, more than anything else, I'm wondering how much mumsnetters have had to make do without-- I'm betting it's a mind blowing amount.

If your ex should be paying and isn't, how much has he managed to dodge?

Unfortunately the sexism around these issues are very ingrained.

Years ago i had a few friends who were single parents One was more a friend of a friend and was male.

I watched the female single parents run around after him delivering meals to his doorstep. Making comments like "Isnt he coping brilliantly" There is not many men who would take this on" (even though they were his kids) "especially as he never wanted kids" etc etc One day i pointed out that he was only doing the same as they were doing and i got looked at like i had grown a second head.

This was back in the mid to late 90s but going by this site and what i still see going on sometimes it hasnt changed that much.

it IS a feminist issue but like a pp said ppl will just glaze over if its presented that way.

If we could get a rough figure of yearly owed unpaid maintenance, I wonder what that would take off the £12 bil they are cutting from welfare over the next 5 years, thats the best angle to take.

I'm lucky in that my magic number is only £1500 and at the moment we're on direct pay so I am getting maintenance plus arrears of £50 a month but I lead a local Gingerbread group and most have similar stories to the above posts. In fact I wrote a blog post last night about a conversation I had with CMS options on behalf of one of my members on Friday soulparentletters.wordpress.com/

Gingerbread are campaigning against changes in the CSA/CMS you can join at www.gingerbread.org.uk

I am also one of Iain Duncan Smith's constituents and have met with him a couple of times to discuss the CSA/CMS. He promised to review it (as this was a year ago before the CMS Started) so I will be writing to him again to request another meeting. It would help if I have as much evidence as possible. If you want to email me a story to pass onto Iain Duncan Smith, feel free - [email protected]

The wider public likes having somebody to hate, don't they? If we give them a bad guy to demonize, it's easy for them to say "Hmm. Yeah, these guys DO suck" and then share it.

Some of these NRP's are just vindictive abusers. They're willing to quit a perfectly good job and sign on, just so they don't have to pay. CMS may not be able to stop them doing it, but no way should they be able to hold their head up.

Great blog post soulparent. I didn't know that CMS suggest nonresident parents "babysitting" their own children as an alternative to financial support.

I do remember being lectured that it was better for my children to make a private arrangement with XH and having to point out that I had been trying and failing for fifteen years.

DD's "dad" also pays £5 per week from a benefits package while he works for cash. I don't know how much his earnings are, so have no idea how much his arrears are, in real terms.

It is completely wrong that he is able to do this with no recourse.

It shouldn't be a feminist issue. It should most and foremost be a child protection and welfare issue.
These men are financially abusing their children. (As well as their mothers)

Given how society villifies other types of child abusers (and rightly so), it's astonishing that these people walk around unscathed.

Would they physically take food out of their child's mouth and walk away with it?

Would they take a child's shoes from them and expect them to walk to school?

That's exactly what they're doing, but they get away with it.

Exactly.

www.separateddads.co.uk/how-many-fathers-dont-pay-child-support.html

This is interesting, they slip in that many men would pay but the CSA are crap at sorting it out.....God forbid that they just, you know, pay their ex what is owed and have done....

www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2013/may/16/parents-paying-child-maintenance-csa-statistics

This is enlightening too.....

www.separateddads.co.uk/misuse-maintenance-payments.html

And this has pissed me RIGHT off, especially the picture at the top

that many men would pay but the CSA are crap at sorting it out.....

Yes, because I'm waiting for some agency to sort out whether I pay for the food and clothes my child needs.

Its pissed me off that that website doesnt just come out and say "We do not excuse or support men who deliberately evade paying child support", no instead they join in with the whining and excuse making, and help these dead beats in justifying what they do.

Wow that website makes me feel a bit queasy.

Advice on not missing out on milestones in your children's life...

I can't see "Remember them" or "Make a point of asking about them, instead of relying on your ex as some kind of personal PA to wipe your arse about your own children's lives" written anywhere here.

It's the comments from new partners complaining about the amount of money going to the ex-children that disturbs me somewhat too. We can't afford a family that doesn't yet exist, so how can we take money back off existing kids.

God I want to puke. Or write, try and have some understanding as there's a high probability that you'll be one of the ex's in the near future.

Check out the comments under the Misuse of Maintenance article. Especially from "Dizzy"

She resents her boyfriend paying £300 a month as well as seeing his kids throughout the week as she wants kids of her own but they cant afford it. Stupid cow.

This thread has inspired me to report my XP to dwp this morning for benefit fraud. It actually felt good, despite the fact I know nothing will come of it!

Makes me so that he gets away with what he does. People like him are the reason the current government are successfully able to persecute people in genuine need of welfare support.

Soulparent that blog is truly astonishing. BABYSITTING FFS!

Bogeyface why are the idiots on that seperated dads site objecting to things like home improvements. Home improvements would benefit the child as well or do they want their kids to live in a place with plaster falling off the walls.

And new clothes are sometimes needed. Or are mothers expected to walk around naked now.

Im not a parent and its made me angry so God knows how it makes RPs feel.

How the mother spends it still doesn't explain how dads who have to pay amounts that don't even cover half the expense of raising a child still refuse to pay it.

Its a form of control.

A bit late to this thread but ExP has been dodging the CSA for years, since before he was supposed to be paying for DD, he owed ?20k for his first born who must now be 21, also for 2 others plus DD. My most recent communication was that I was awarded ?1.67 per week out of his benefits, which of course I never received.

Don't know if I should check out the linked sites, as I'm not sure my blood pressure will take it!

I would read the whothe on the basis that its always good to know what the enemy is thinking!

We cant know what we are fighting against until we read garbage like that and and can formulate our plan against views that these men hold.