Fucking Call Of Duty... Wants to live with his dad

[Leafitout]

I've been here before, but please help me? My ds has just had yet another meltdown and actual tears and thrown in my face that he wants to live with his dad. All over the stupid godforsaken Call of Duty game. He's 12 ffs aibu. I'm sat outside in tears.

Video games drive me round the bend!!

I've a 11year old and he's played COD at a friends house (not impressed!) when he was 10.

He's not asked me for it as I've made it very well know that age ratings matter.

I have the XBox set to one hour a day, I've noticed the mood changes dramatically with longer use.

My 16 year old has the game. Its a 16 rated game here in SA, maybe its a different version I am not sure. But last year when he got it, we had a major ding dong and the whole x-box console was taken away from him for 3 months. The game is addictive! He is one of those kids who do get quite addicted to games, wow was another one, but there is just something about this game - he would rush home to get playing it, he didn't even socialize with his friends at one point when he first got it. He failed some of his mock exams and i took the console away. Yes there were some melt downs and tears and a bit of shouting and screaming. He tried every avenue to get it back, started out with some tantrum type behaviour which didn't work as I extend the ban because of that, then there was the not talking to me, then there was the nicey nicey tactic, i have never had so many cups of tea made for me ever as during that time . After a few weeks he accepted the idea, and started reading his books that were half read... and he did his schoolwork which he fell behind in.

Now he only plays on weekends, its still banned in the week...

I am the parent and although he is practically an adult he was hardly behaving like one.

I really do not think that he is going to miss out socially by not having the game OP. It wont end here, once he is done with that game, it will be something else. I think its not really about the game as such, i think is a power struggle. 12 years olds are at the inbetween age, not so much a child but not yet an adult, so trying to find themselves really..... Stick to your guns. Think of the lesson learned in the long run. If we give in to every little demand they make, where is it going to end? Every child in the school does not have the game, I assure you. I know he wants you to think that, but there are a lot more parents like you, than you think

You sound like a good mum OP. 12 year olds are hard work. I have had two of them

"Just what is the big draw with frigging GTA and CoD"

I expect it is the same draw that cigarettes have on children - they are desperately aping what they think it is to be adult, in their desire to be 'grown up'.

My DS has apparently played it at his friend's house I found out today. They're 8 years old.

FFS. I'm so bloody cross.

ps HormonalHooker: apologies - I thought your NN was a dig at prostitutes

Leaf I hope you have a better evening with DS today. Stick to your principles! He's a child. If you give in now, after all the tantrums and sulking, you are just teaching him a new way of getting what he wants from you. He'll use it again and again; and you'll find yourself wondering where on earth he learnt it! His future partner won't thank you for teaching him this method of getting what he wants.

If his friends stop talking to him because he's not part of the 'in' crowd playing COD, he probably needs to rethink what friends are for. True friends should commiserate and give the odd jibe, but they can't stop being your friend over a game... He's probably too young and immature to understand that. But ALL kids understand boundaries. And appreciate the ones that have been set. Eventually! When he's 18, he will have plenty of time to enjoy COD. At 12, there are plenty of 12-appropriate things for him to do.

It sounds really hard being a SP. however, you sound like a wonderful mum, especially as you came to MN to get some help in doing what you think is right for your DS. Rock on!

to poorbuthappy re films... yes if I think it's suitable. no if I think it's not.

Goddess yes we have had a better night. He did get left out again after school as the CoD went to the park without him. I explained that they are not his friends because friends don't exclude others. We had a chat and he apologised for his behaviour. We have come to a compromise that he will not be allowed to talk about playing CoD again. He likes the game Garden Warfare and if he behaves I will let him get it at the weekend. He seemed happy with that. Phew I really can say that the mumsnet advice and handholding has been a massive help. Thank you

I'm a gamer and play online with friends regularly. However, I'm at an age that I understand this is a game not real life and not something to aspire to.

I would not allow my DC to play CoD at 12 either. If you hear some of the things the other players say and call each other it's disgraceful, and one of the things that really turns me off a game.

Garden Warfare is a good game, still a shot 'em up game but with plants (which for some reason in my eyes makes it better). Much in the way barbie can have a negative effect on children but a doll that has blue skin a tail and cat ears takes it out of reality.

To everyone on here who does let their kids play 18 cert games under 18, do you let them watch 18 films?

Yep.

Certainly not all of them but I prefer my own judgment than just going by the rating. If I think it is suitable they can watch it.

COD is allowed here but GTA isn't.

I seem to be raising very polite and loving children despite their playing COD.

Ah Leafitout sounds like the behaviour is not really about him not being able to play CoD, but more about being excluded. Poor boy.

This is the second time he has been left out. I feel sad for him because it's a bit mean. But this sounds harsh but I can't protect him from life's lessons and just give in to the game. I'm here to guide him through life and would be doing him a massive dis service by saying if you're being left out the I will get you the game. It simply isn't the answer. I know how it feels to be judged as a single parent, tutted at, finger pointing. I simply have to do my job as his main parent to not let him get his own way when he feels like it.
It was a long day for me yesterday as I had attend two separate mental health therapy sessions and I guess I was tired and his Oscar winning tantrum didn't help. I guess I just had a mini meltdown. All your positive feedback did wonders for me. And I feel better, less guilt in saying no to CoD.

I am so glad to hear that!

You don't need to check or set up anything with the shop It's an 18 rated so they will just refuse the sale.

I'm glad to hear you have sorted something out with him OP. There's always a new fad in gaming, by the time the next one rolls around he might even be old enough to buy it himself!

Cassie, I only said to check because I have worked in shops before and if you happen to get that one assistant whondiesnt give a toss, they will sell it. I've known people to sell alcohol to someone clearly underage and films to kids.

How awful my DS has gone through this phase and it was crap and many out of school meets up where made while playing. Luckily fifa became the popular game but even that was too addictive. He would of moved in with the neighbours if they had let him play COD.

I didn't let my kids have a playstation till they were 10 and 11. They certainly weren't allowed to play any inappropriate games. But my nephew who was allowed to play COD or equivalent games when he was about 8 is just as polite, charming and well-adjusted as my two - they're all aged 20 or 21 now.
I was chatting to them about it recently and they said it's ridiculous to suggest that children will be affected by violent games - it's just a game, they know the difference, they wouldn't hurt a fly in real life etc.
I'm not sure that I agree, but does anyone actually know a vile, violent adult who has ended up that way because of playing these games?

Can anyone actually give an example of people with similar background where the one who plays these games has turned into a violent person?

GTA is a game I will not allow in my house.

We had another truly epic meltdown over this last night. Apparently DS wants to die and be born in another family so he can have a better life - i.e. one that involves CoD and GTA at the age of 8 I know it's horrible being left out - I was That Child at school with the weird old-fashioned parents and I was left out of everything, had the wrong toys, the wrong clothes, wasn't allowed a bkike or anything 'dangerous' like that. This is making it worse because I know how awful he feels and that makes me feel unutterably crap. In a way I'm most cross with the other parents for giving in to their kids. He's eight though. Part of me wishes we'd never bought the bloody XBox in the first place :(

Where the hell did you work? Big chain national retailers will not sell an 18 rated to a child as they have ARS training drummed into them every 3 months, and believe me they deal with children trying to buy 18's every day so you never have chance to forget it.

Glad you've found a compromise OP.
If he wants some online friends to play Garden Warefare with dd has said that she will add him if you send me his Xbox name.

Useful phrase
I'm sorry you are angry/ unhappy but I've made my decision and it's not happening.
Disengage from ensuing drama.

ZOMBIE.

@childrenaresatan you need a new thread I'd you'd like advice.