Fucking Call Of Duty... Wants to live with his dad

[Leafitout]

I've been here before, but please help me? My ds has just had yet another meltdown and actual tears and thrown in my face that he wants to live with his dad. All over the stupid godforsaken Call of Duty game. He's 12 ffs aibu. I'm sat outside in tears.

So sorry you're going through this. My DP was subject to something similar by his Dad almost 30 years ago - trying to get him to favour him over his DM. It's manipulative and wrong. Can you talk to his Dad about why you are not letting him play Call of Duty? Then explain to DS why also? I know it's hard. If nobody will listen then keep your ground.

Every time he does the hurling himself on the floor and crying trick, tell him that if he behaves like a toddler he'll have to be treated as a toddler, which definitely means no computer games whatsoever and bedtime at 8 p.m.

I have two boys, 12 and 15, and they have both at some point played Call of Duty. I hate it too. However, sadly, it feels every boy plays it and they do talk about it at school. He must feel a bit left out. We let our boys but imposed strict limits and I think that's why they're not obsessed like some kids. Could you consider a compromise? You do realise he will just go play it around other people's houses anyway.
One last point. My parents wouldn't let me have a Barbie or Girls World because they didn't want me to grow up obsessed with clothes and makeup. That didn't work and even they admit now that it was stupid.

My DP is an Xbox fiend and he want our baby DS to play with him when he's older, but not this game. Call of duty is a particularly nasty one, it glorifies modern day warfare and violence. It's known to cause players feelings of massive frustration and anger that they aren't killing enough characters and these are emotions a 12 year old may not be able to process. If he was 16 or so I would say you might be being unreasonable, at 12 definitely not.

Spent a lengthy time in court due to his dad's violent abusive behaviour hence the reason he is not allowed near me, our home or direct contact. There is no way I would speak to him about this. He would just laugh at me and say what's the problem. Even if you can turn off the blood and gore I would be giving in against my principles to him. I'm so glad I have you mumsnetters to speak to, I just feel so alone on this and it's good that I can come here to let off.

"I'm not everyone's Mum I'm yours and I said no"

Plus a text from his Dad if at all possible saying the same.

You aren't being unreasonable you are doing it right.

It's shit listening to the fallout but it really is worth it

Another no to call of duty, not under my roof, under my watch ever!! My eldest is only 10 and it is entering into the conversation (and some of his friends, according to him, play it.) I actually spoke to a dad the other day whose almost 20 year old has gotten into a mess over that game.

When they get their own place, sure they can do as they please, but I'll not have that sort of game inflicted on me.

Although I do see it could be like the kids who aren't allowed sweets, and then go mad for them when they do get the opportunity.

When my DS does the tantrum thing, I laugh at him. Works a treat.

Lem - but a Barbie is suitable for children. Call of duty isn't. Not all 12 year olds are playing it! Mine aren't and neither are my children's friends. Maybe he needs to make new friends with healthier interests?

Just a thought - I have a ds 19 and a ds 12 so have been through this - there are different parts to the games and my older ds vetted it and decreed which bits the younger ds could and could not play. I think campaign mode is more violent?

Your ds is growing up and you are now on a trajectory from him being a child to him being an adult of 18 and you are going to need to decide what compromises you will make and when over this six years. I am not saying you should compromise on this but am saying you need to play the long game and pick your battles.

Finally, of course know he loves you. We say the worst things to the people we feel safest with.

Xpost forget dad, and if the leaving threats keep up

"I will be really sorry to see you go because I love you very much"

Don't threaten consequences just remind and repeat that it will be sad for you, don't engage. and

stay strong. Call of duty would be bad for him. I bet not every child in the class plays it. My nephew wouldn't be allowed, mmost certainly, if he was in the same class - and my own DS won't be allowed when he's that age either. fwiw I would agree to limit barbie etc as well - toys should not perpetuate the more unpleasant bits of our culture.

If he wants to play an 18 rated game, he needs to prove that he is mature enough to cope with it.
Lying on the floor crying shows that he is not mature enough, he's a young 12 year old

Actually, I can kind of see why he is feeling frustrated. I'm not saying that you are being unfair, but to him it must seem as if you are acting somewhat capriciously if all of his other friends are playing it.

Are you engaging him in a reasonable discussion about why he can't play or just stonewalling him? Truthfully?

It might not be what either of you want, but if you are both this upset, perhaps a compromise is called for. Such as him actually responsibly over a particular issue where you have both agreed boundaries could mean that he 'wins' so ever much time of supervised play time.

I have to second the person who said that everyone I know who played violent computer games has grown up to be perfectly normal with no propensity to act out the games in their real lives.

If he wants to play an 18 rated game, he needs to prove that he is mature enough to cope with it

No, he needs to have had his 18th birthday!

100% doing the right thing.

You must stick to your word, he will be able to tell he's grinding you down.

He cries? Say "this is exactly why you can't play it, you're reacting like a small child, not even the 12 year old you are, why do you think you're mature enough to play that game?"

I have to say my DS and all his friends have played COD since primary (he is 14 now), but they've also played lots of non war games like Fifa, Minecraft and so on (they spent quite a while last year all playing Minecraft in a group on xbox live). The only ones that didn't play were the handful who had PS4s (so were playing but on a different format) and maybe 1 or 2 who weren't allowed. Those boys have ended up pretty isolated, because there's so much chat goes on in the games that it's hard to fill someone in at school the next day every time.

My DS2 is a lovely boy, very sensitive and not at all violent. Most of his friends are lovely, polite boys as well, in grammar schools (DS isn't so not a stealth boast!) and all have played for years, but a variety of games not just one violent one.

I think not being able to afford the game is one thing. If the reality was there wasn't money to pay for it, or the console, or the x box live sub, then he'd have to do without, or maybe a paper round etc to contribute.

But if it's because you don't like the idea of the game, what do you think it's going to do to your DS? His friends play, what are they like? Pretty normal almost teenage boys I expect. It won't turn your DS into a monster.

As for finding new friends...i think in an average school boys who don't game are in a pretty small minority. And nothing to say those boys btw are going to be nicer, or better, or ones your DS should be friends with. They'll just be ones who don't game. Not necessarily the same thing.

Maybe he needs to get friends with healthier interests
Um thanks for the parenting advice but my kids are usually too busy either playing sports or at the park to sit on an Xbox for long. As I said initially, they're actually not that into it. I know it's not just my dc's peers. I work in a school and I hear kids from as young as year 3 talking about playing it (I agree that is shocking.)

1. Everyone else ISN'T playing it, no matter what they tell you!
2. Even if they were it would still be ok for you to not allow it.
3. I'm a gamer and an ex-manager of a game shop and I am as equally strict when it comes to age ratings.

A 12 year old throwing a temper tantrum certainly wouldn't be convincing me they were mature enough to play an unsuitable age rated game. Best thing you can do is just be a broken record whenever he brings it up and don't engage with it.

He's only saying he wants to live with his dad because he knows it can't happen and he knows it will hurt you. Let it wash over you and leave him to his tantrum.

Primary? I wouldn't be giving OP advice if I were you. And yes, I'm judging, big time. It's an 18 rated game. Adults only.

Plenty of boys, and girls, game. But only a minority have parents fool enough to let them play adult only incredibly violent games.

I don't consider myself a fool thanks, I've got an Oxbridge degree and several professional qualifications.

As I said my DS and all his friends (I'd say 80-90% of his year) have played it at one time or another, from yr 6. They play many games of many types.

They're all nice, average kids. Like I said, what exactly is the fear about a child playing a game that has some violence in? Most children see violence in films, on TV, there's far worse in the news most weeks.

Call of Duty looks horrible to me. It's an 18, it's your house and your son is not 18.

The last time I screamed that I was going to live with my dad I was about 11 and had tried it a few times for maximum emotional blackmail effect. My mum got me a suitcase and asked me to help with packing. Never said it again.

Stand firm! I have 15 year old and 8 year old boys.... No Call of Duty here. We have explained why and frankly if all his friends are playing it that is a worry.

I think you will find velvet that there is a great deal of evidence that clearly demonstrates that the younger a person is exposed to such violence, the more inured to it they become, thereby becoming more relaxed about meting it out.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2421131-Quick-poll-Does-your-12-year-old-play-call-of-duty

I've started a quick poll for OP.

Non of the 12 year olds I know well play it.