Fucking Call Of Duty... Wants to live with his dad

[Leafitout]

I've been here before, but please help me? My ds has just had yet another meltdown and actual tears and thrown in my face that he wants to live with his dad. All over the stupid godforsaken Call of Duty game. He's 12 ffs aibu. I'm sat outside in tears.

I haven't said no to the game because of what I have heard about it being violent. I have researched the game content on a few forums and it defiantly made me more informed as to the answer no not in this house. Yes the blood and gore can be turned off but an amount of violence, torture and images of sexual content are still there. It can turn into a foul mouthed shouting match between the online players. And some forums say that online can turn into bullying. So from that I will take ds being a social outcast rather than him being immersed in this game way beyond his tender years and immaturity. Of which he has shown through throwing a tantrum and now his response of ignoring me!

Quite surprised at the number of preteens playing it in the poll thread. The standard defence seems to be 'well, they've not become a psycho yet' but I don't think many people these days think that games make you a killer. Even as someone who has enjoyed the series, I tend to think that a series where a player character unwillingly takes part in a terrorist atrocity and also depicts other terrorist acts as too strong content for a 12 year old. As said upthread, it's gamers who know the series who tend to take a hard line, which says a lot.

Really it boils down to the fact that of these games weren't as bad as all that and leading to problems then they wouldn't have an age certificate on them or is it not that simple?

I have 2 DD and DS not at teens years yet and me and OH are keen gamers but not infront of the kids and once they get to an age of showing Interest the answer will be no not until they are closer to the certificate age, and all consoles will be kept in the living room.

I think that yes there has been violent games around for ages, but they are so much more realistic now to when the likes of the PS1 came out when all the horror was clunky and unrealistic

leaf with the game shop thing, you have to be 100% sure they won't sell it to him! Even if it means you have to arrange for the whole thing to be staged! :)

but most sensible games shops won't sell it without any pre-setting up :)

And also you'd have to find away to make this happen with out 'losing' the "I want it!!!" battle

merrymouse DS1 spends a LOT of his screen time on Kerbal Space Program and with friends the ever present Minecraft (in all its incarnations - another one you need to keep an eye on if they are playing online).

The Lego games are all extremely popular as well.

Warcraft 3 is another.

We already have all the Lego games and minecraft on various devices!

Kerbal Space Program is great and one of those games that is actually educational in itself rather than in the 'could spark an interest' way. I had to read up on orbital mechanics to get anywhere and I have a degree in physics PC only, though.

Galactic Civilizations 3 is something both DH and DS appear to be excited about.

They don't have it yet for some reason but apparently it is going to very good when they do. To be honest I stopped listening.

I am Fantasy flavored geek and DH is Sci-fi flavor so I leave the rocket science to him.

I love the Call of Duty series. I don't actually find most of them any worse than a modern war film. But I want to impress on my nephews that age ratings are there for a reason, so they are booted out of the room when I want to play anything rated older than their age.

I don't think swearing over X-box live is something that only happens on this kind of game. If you are playing online with a headset then what you will hear in chat depends only on what the others playing the game will say. Get a foul-mouthed racist playing Minecraft and you will have the same problem.

Check the hard drive regularly. Although he couldn't buy, say, GTA in a shop, he could buy PSN / XBL points with no fuss which he could then use to buy the digital version of the game.

For adults CoD is fine. Not to my taste but I don't see the problem with adults playing violent games.

I am a squishy middle class mummy and quit enjoy lining up a 'perfect' head shot. And I fail at 'Thief' because I kill everyone in the vicinity in order to not get caught.

The thing is, I can turn it off and I understand that if these situations were real theyou would be horrifying. I don't believe developing brains are capable of the same separation.

There were moments in the latest Tombraider where I felt quesy. I was shocked to find out that people were allowing little kids to play it.

We allow headset usage for the mic. But the speakers have to be loud speaker.

There are also no devices in bedrooms.

Sympathies, OP. We are currently going through similar with 8-year-old DS. Several of his friends have been playing CoD and GTA since Y1 and I was mobbed by three of them on the way home from school the other day badgering me to let him have it and offering to come round and show me 'how to turn the blood off' because then it would be fine. I am the Worst Mum Ever, but so be it - it ain't happening.

As an adult gamer, i thank you for not letting your son play CoD.

These children playing it ruins it for the adults.

spider I am at them all surrounding you and badgering you about it! That would make me even firmer on the situation!

Spider you were mobbed by three in year 1 in truely shocked. Just what is the big draw with frigging GTA and CoD. Sometimes it may be a little understandable if they have elder siblings playing it. But year 1 and insistent about it is a whole new thing

My SIL allows her three boys to play, and did so from about 6 years old, I'm a gamer myself and told her of the content. GTA is another one they play a lot. There a plenty of gameplay videos of Cod and GTA online that even if a parent isn't very good at games, it's easy enough to find what the content looks like.

Dd has most of the class on her Xbox live friends and out of 25 of them only 4 have been seen playing Cod, and two of those accounts are also used by Dad, but dd will say that you'd think everyone played the way they went on.

There is a plants vs zombies game called garden warfare, and dd plays that, it's very similar in play style to cod but without without the violence and gore and inappropriate language. It has a 7 age rating.

I used to play cod a while back but there where a lot of children playing and they used the worst language I've ever heard. Def worse than any adult I've played.

Someone said earlier that Xbox live is dodgy, it can be dodgy if you don't use it properly, it's no more dodgy than being online in general, if you talk to your child about not accepting random friends and not talking to people they don't know, put controls in place etc then it's fine.

Also DSS had GTA from around five years old too, DH had said he couldn't have it but his Mum bought it for him, was told to fuck off when he tried talking about the game with his ex. I wouldn't let him play it when at ours, which caused problems every time a new one was released, I shouldn't be telling a child that's not mine what to do etc, but we also had dd and I wasn't having her watching that (only one TV). I wasn't going to be telling dd she can't play GTA as she's too young etc, and then say "oh but the rules don't apply when dss is here"

My 12 year old has it as well as Minecraft, Fifa etc. He gets more upset when playing Fifa and Minecraft than COD. He sees it as a social gathering with his friends to chat about tactics. He also is a good kid, never in trouble - never had a circle from school!! Also plays tennis, in a football team and cricket team. Doesn't spend all day online.

To everyone on here who does let their kids play 18 cert games under 18, do you let them watch 18 films?

My soon-to-be 14 year old is hoping for COD for his birthday. I'm afraid he's going to be disappointed. We don't let our kids play games we think are too old for them at friends houses either. One day my DH went to pick our boys up at a friends and when he got there they were outside kicking a football around without friend. When asked why the told him friend was playing GTA and since they weren't allowed the came outside.

He will get a couple of 16 games and we feel that's a good compromise...

I don't think the issue here is whether the OP's son should be allowed to play the game or not.

Regardless of other posters saying that they would let him or their own child play COD, the OP is the parent and she has every right to make that decision for her own child, and she has made that decision.
The issue is how to deal with his tantrum when he doesn't get his own way. OP I really sympathise as I am a SP and used to question myself all the time, was I making the right decisions?, had nobody to ask, could only go with my gut and follow it through.
I would try not to rise to his tantrums, I would walk away and not engage until he changed the subject.
When I got the 'so and so's mum lets them do it', I would always say that I'm not so and so's mum and we do things differently.

You could try a 'word bingo'/ reward-chart-with-a-twist... Every time he has a strop give YOURSELF a sticker on the reward chart. A bar of chocolate every 5 stickers, something bigger for 10 etc

Any time I get the 'everyone else is' bulls**t I suggest a proper survey from their class. Name of all the children in one column, tick 'yes/no' in the next. Contact details of parent in third column - I reserve the right to contact any parents I choose.

Strangely, no survey has ever been submitted so I have never had to reconsider a decision.

I have suggested DD chooses another adult we both trust (e.g. school counsellor, friends from church, honorary aunty) and we get them to adjudicate. She has never taken me up on the offer... Helpful as single parent to think of potential support - that she refuses to makes me more confident in my decisions. I would only accept mediators whose opinion I respect.

Poorbuthappy - I don't think mine have seen an 18 movie but they have seen movies above their age rating depending on the movie. I don't think from what I've seen of them playing COD (bearing in mind the older ones are rated 16) it's like some of the violent 18 movies.

Does everyone stick rigidly to every age rating for their kids in life whether it be movies, games, drinking etc or do people decide depending on the situation.

I have girls and they seem to be generally less pressured over games so I have less of this. But I am also a single parent and a big believer in the age certificates.

Mine are 17 and 15 and just got a 2ndhand PS3 with a bundle of games including Call of Duty this past xmas. The 17 yr old is more interested and she plays first and keeps an eye on it and I've heard her talking through the level of violence and advising DD2 - they don't play online though

we've battled over various things but I think they rather like knowing where I'm firm and where I'll give ground. It's part of the certainty and security about me as their parent. So they can moan and groan that you're not allowing things, but just keep explaining and somewhere at the back of their head, they kind of do appreciate you sticking to your guns.

On tantrums and sulking, there's nothing like a teenage girl! I just talk calmly, really work hard at not shouting, tell them I'l talk when they're calm, walk away from silly tantrums. Always be ready to talk when they sort themselves out. I have sometimes confiscated phones but it's never really a good idea IME as it becomes an argument about that rather than whatever kicked it off in the first place. My nuclear button is to change the password on the router - I give a couple of warnings and then I'll change it and not give them the new one till I've had the apology and the sensible follow up conversation. It works wonders!

Good luck with it