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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fucking Call Of Duty... Wants to live with his dad

177 replies

Leafitout · 08/07/2015 20:19

I've been here before, but please help me? My ds has just had yet another meltdown and actual tears and thrown in my face that he wants to live with his dad. All over the stupid godforsaken Call of Duty game. He's 12 ffs aibu. I'm sat outside in tears.

OP posts:
oddfodd · 08/07/2015 23:10

But why did you let them play it, HH (what a vile username)?

CassieBearRawr · 08/07/2015 23:10

Forget the educational aspect - most games are entirely not educational so forget about looking for that in them. They are as educational as any other form of media - they can spark an interest in something you go off and learn more about yourself, but in and of themselves they're mainly just entertainment. I treat them as such.

I often liken it to horror films or porn. They are both adult rated too. If all their mates were watching them would you allow it too? Games are assessed on the same rating system for the same reasons. It's not a perfect system but they're pretty good guidelines so as a general rule I follow them.

Original poster
Leafitout · 08/07/2015 23:10

OddFod agree there are 12 and I can't see the mad rush to be involved in these games. Almost like it gives you status playing it but left out if you don't and possibly taken the sly piss out of behind your back in the playground. Ds should be an actor when he grows up, that tantrum was an Oscar worthy nomination. Feel an idiot for getting upset earlier.

OP posts:
lem73 · 08/07/2015 23:12

I fully agree with your sentiments Leaf. I have let my boys play it but I think because we have always pushed our kids to be active and sporty and are pretty strict about screen time, it seems to be a phase they've passed through.
It is very hard to parent a boy of that age even when you have back up. You do sound like you're doing a great job honestly.

TheHormonalHooker · 08/07/2015 23:13

Why is my user name vile? It refers to my love of crochet?

I let them play it because after DH had played it, and I had seen bits of it, we decided they were mature enough to cope with it. It wasn't to do with peer pressure.

TaintedAngel · 08/07/2015 23:16

Well I'm going against the grain.

I hate to be bluntly honest but yes the majority of his friends who have a console will be playing the game. CoD is one of the most popular console games even for under 18's rightly or wrongly. I play CoD. Online play isn't too bad in the grand scheme of things. They see not far off of that in documentaries showing what it was like during the World wars. Hell even just switch on the news and they are subjected to horrible scenes that are actually real life. Kids know the difference between RL and their cod game. They know the dead bodies being shown on the news were real people but the things they are shooting at in game is pretend.

I understand his tears and tantrums. It's pure frustration he is dealing with as he feels he is the only one in his circle of friends unable to join in. That's not a nice feeling and it in no way means he needs to get better friends as has been suggested above.

As someone else said there is a bonding that goes on when kids are in their group chats gaming. As much as the people who look at video games as being Satan's spawn dont want to admit it but it does develop social skills.

And CoD does not cause people to have anger issues or want to reenact in RL. That's not to say you won't see them getting frustrated when they have just been killed in game for the 10th time in a row. of course they will but its the competitive nature of the game. Its no different from a football mad DC going in a bit of a huff when his team are loosing 3 - nil and he is annoyed at that. just because the frustration is about a video game doesn't make the reaction worse than if it were on a football field.

lem73 · 08/07/2015 23:19

How can the group chats develop social skills when they are completely unnatural social situations?

Bambambini · 08/07/2015 23:23

I have started threads about this before. I hate that I'm pressurised into giving way because many of his friends had COD from about 10 yrs. My son has just turned 13 and we have given way as most of his friends are playing it and join together online. I hate it but can't keep fighting it as it does make them a bit of an outcast. Tbh, most of what I've seen isn't as bad as I thought it would be. And, I think that most kids will be ok. I still hate it though but too tired to keep holding out, his dad isn't that bothered so I'm the spoilsport.

These threads don't seem to reflect real life - you will get many on saying their kids don't watch it and they are holding out till their are older etc - I think the reality is very different and most kids are playing these games from a fairly young age. Did I say that I hate these fucking games and the pressure?

TaintedAngel · 08/07/2015 23:24

it doesn't need to be a naturally social situation to develop social skills. The act of communicating develops skills. playing these games often involves team work to win meaning better team building skills and problem solving skills. eg capture the flag or search and destroy play methods is all team work.

CassieBearRawr · 08/07/2015 23:24

Just buy a wii u and avoid all this Grin

Grumpyrealist77 · 08/07/2015 23:28

What absolute BS!!!
I used to play and love call of duty. I don't anymore mainly because I have two young DS's aged 6 and 3.
As an adult it helped me relax, set me loose into a fantasy world where I shot and killed other real players' figures. It would help me unwind from a stressful day and it was great fun playing with my friends around the country....
IN NO WAY is it suitable for any child under 16 at the very least! Forget safe, non bloody modes. You are killing other characters before your character is killed.
I feel sorry for you, without patronising you. Being a single parent must be hard, and that's the dads fault. Kids need their parents, I'm sure you will do well by him on your own, no need for a violent role-model.
Be strong when telling your 12 year old no. The parents who have let their kids play are in the wrong. Being a majority doesn't make them right. Your kid will appreciate your actions one day, and it will be your reward when they are in their twenties and they respect you!
Good luck!

lem73 · 08/07/2015 23:31

I have a friend whose son has poor social skills and struggles a bit with friends. She bought him an Xbox in year 6 specifically so he could fit in more. She even bought GTA! It's made things worse because he just sits in his bedroom all the time playing Xbox. My ds, who was the only classmate who made an effort with him, stopped going round to his house because he never wanted to come out.
Group chats are not that helpful to social skills. A great deal of social interaction depends on non verbal communication which is missing when you are communicating online.

TaintedAngel · 08/07/2015 23:43

well on the flip side to that Lem, my little cousin had zero social skills. He had no friends at school and had no idea where to start even if he had the inclination to start a friendship (which due to poor confidence and no social skills he didn't). He heard boys in class talking about cod and Minecraft and a few other games which he also played. He joined in, got gamertags and now is firmly in a right group of 5 boys who are as thick as thieves and best mates. He is a different kid.
its all down to individual kids. I'm saying that gaming and CoD isn't the evilnes that people like to claim. Thousands of kids play it with not even a sniff of any "issues".

velvetspoon · 09/07/2015 00:20

I find the hysteria these threads cause bizarre.

My DS has played COD and similar (and lots of other games) for the last 4 years. He is a very normal, slightly lazy, quite sensitive, 14 year old. He's never been violent to anyone or anything. He gets upset with me if I even kill a fly, and is pretty much vegetarian because he doesn't like the idea of killing animals for meat.

So I really don't think playing a game where people get shot has had or is having any kind of detrimental effect on him. Yes he would sit on it all night if I let him, but I don't. I think there are far more evils in the world than computer games tbh.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 09/07/2015 02:16

If anecdote were data, someone might be interested. But its not, and the data is clear. Science wins over your stories about your kid.

Just because they arent roaming the streets with flick knives doesnt mean it doesnt affect them. Do you think the age ratings are just for fun? No, they are there mainly because some idiots need to be told that children role playing war and torture in hyper realistic graphics is not cool. I would have imagined most parents can work this out for themselves, but clearly some of you cant....

JadeJaderson · 09/07/2015 02:54

some idiots need to be told that children role playing war and torture in hyper realistic graphics is not cool

Hear hear. If you let your ten year old play this sort of shit, you're a moron.

FindoGask · 09/07/2015 05:29

All the people here who are quite happy to let their primary school kids play Call of Duty - would you be happy for them to watch 18-rated films?

LavenderLeigh · 09/07/2015 06:19

Velvet, this would be the same DS who has stayed up all night playing online and then stays off school the next day as he's tired?

CamelHump · 09/07/2015 06:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

downgraded · 09/07/2015 06:40

I quite agree Winter.

My view would be "aren't you lucky DS that you have a parent who cares about your emotional well being?".

The idea that because one or two kids at school have crappy parents who let them play unsuitable games, they should ALL be able to play unsuitable games is ridiculous. It should not be a "race to the bottom" situation.

Morloth · 09/07/2015 06:56

Better an isolated child than a fucked up one.

No way, no how.

None of the preteen boys I know are allowed to play 18+ games.

My 11 year old is still a little boy in many ways as are his friends.

I am a gamer, but won't play anything like that while the kids are present. Anymore than I would watch a 18+ movie while they were around.

Game does not equal Child.

Stupid people are stupid.

velvetspoon · 09/07/2015 06:57

He didn't stay up all night thanks, there was a period where a couple of times he was waking up in the night and playing games (Minecraft actually fwiw) but there is no internet after 10.30 so he doesn't do that any more. But well done for sticking in a pathetically goady comment which has nothing to do in reality with the type of games being discussed on this thread.

The reality is all children are individuals. I've played COD, and other games. I'm not a gamer really, so I've not played them much, but I have played them, to see for myself. Unlike I suspect quite a few on this thread. I see nothing violent or untoward in the way my DS conducts himself. I saw much more violence and aggression and general unpleasantness among my peers growing up, having attended a school where bullying was endemic and physical fights occurred daily. None of those children had access to COD and the like.

Has my son seen 15/18 films? Some, depends on the film. I'm happy to make my own mind up on that one too.

LavenderLeigh · 09/07/2015 07:03

Why is it goady to counter the rosy picture you paint of your DSs gaming habits when they have caused you so much distress in the past?
Gaming was having a detrimental effect on him.

velvetspoon · 09/07/2015 07:11

It's goady when you misrepresent the facts. Oh, and name change specifically to do it. What did you do, trawl my previous posts? Sad. And I wasn't distressed fwiw by his gaming, nor am I now. There are lots of things in life that distress me, that isn't one Smile

00100001 · 09/07/2015 07:16

Maybe go for the approach of " if you save up your own money and the the shop will sell this game to you then fine, yiu can have it on safe mode." Then find a shop, ring ahead and check their policy, and the send him in on his own and see if they sell it to him!

We did this with our nephew, he saved fir ages and happily went in to buy the game after about ten minutes he came out very sheepish and quiet after the shop owner refused to sell it to him. He never prattled on about it again. Grin