Uncle's birthday celebrations - AIBU to be put out?

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Adult cousins - all in well-paid professional jobs - think head teacher, law partner etc decide nice idea to surprise party for Uncle's (their dads) 70th...

Originally, was going to be at one cousins house. A
month before venue changes to gastropub... As a 'bit more of an ocassion'. Menus circulated a couple of weeks before and choices made.

About 16 family are invited- all these invites a combination of email and snailmail.

We have had a tough time financially recently... OHhas been made redundant - cousins know this.

Venue was quite a way from us - four hours drive - so had to stay overnight - did B&B - cheapest we could find-just under 100£. So with fuel quite a lot.

All have great time inc surprised uncle. Cousins get bill... Then each couple
are presented with a bill for 120£!

There was a ripple of discomfort from everyone... Then people were scrabbling around for wallets etc... We paid,..
but this left us considerably short for the rest of the month. We never spend this sort of money on meals!!

At no point had this cost been mentioned..during the arrangements . There was no cost on the menus - and each menu was headed 'pete's
celebration dinner.'

So AIBU in feeling we were essentially charged by stealth for the celebration? Especially in light of cousins professions they are hardly living on their uppers...

What would you have done? Especially when presented with bill??

£60 ph-not expecting to pay anything! All in first post

Ah. I thought the circulated menus were the pub's menus and so you knew what you were eating and spending. They were more like those weird wedding menus where you have to say months in advance that you would like the chicken.

Do you think they were being deliberately sneaky or is it just non/poor communication? You only have to read MN for a while to realise how people can get it wrong while thinking they are being straightforward.

Yes AliceAlice, that's what I'd have done, consult with people if they were paying too. Certainly not book somewhere quite pricey and not let them know.

I think OP, that you will have to wait until another such situation arises, and then be quite pointed about whether or not people are expected to pay their own way unlike last time. Or you can be more subtle, or you can be magnanimous. Or you could just charge the rich cousins if it's you hosting...

Yes thumbwitches- think in future should it arise again - which it will, as there are always family events... I think some pointed questioning in a passive-agressive way will be needed...

Or perhaps do a lavish celebrations at home and invoice them for my time and catering..