To want to see my family before my in laws after the birth?

[Icklepickle101]

Me and dp are expecting our first and this is becoming quite controversial.

I am adamant I don't want either family at the hospital but when we get home I want my mum to be our first visitor.

I know MIL will bring my 11 year old SIL with her who is very annoying over excitable at the best of times and I know after I've just given birth I will have very little patience with her and they are bound to outstay their welcome.

AIBU to want to see my mum and settle in at home before having the In laws round?

Some of you ladies have been absoloutely amazing, thankyou

I think I got a little bit nervous and just wanted to feel "in control" of something.

Will see how things go but will probably get both mums to come at the first visiting time I feel ready. SIL can then visit with my 2 sisters when we get home, my big sister does quite a good job of keeping people under control and will always have my best interests at heart. I've out far too much pressure of myself to have plans for everything and keep everyone happy but now realised it's DP, babies and my own well-being that is the most important thing, family politics really won't matter in the long run

I couldn't wait for all my visitors to come to hospital to see our new baby, i just can't understand all this not wanting to see anyone until you give the command nowadays!

Well done OP! Good luck and enjoy it all (if you can)

Hope all goes well for you, OP.

Great update OP I hope all goes well.

make sure your DH is a gate keeper for you too! That what we are doing :D

Good for you OP! This is too special a time in your life to stress over the things that will (probably) work themselves out in the long run.

I think it's a lovely idea to have both mums come at the same time. I'm sure they will both make you feel loved and cared for. IF they can spare some time away from cooing over your new baby, that is !

Bless you. Although I'm waaayyy past it, threads like this make me long to feel that wonderful 'expectation' that I felt when I was carrying my two.

Lovely update op.

What ever you want should be the plan. Don't worry, don't overthink and don't panic. I am sure all will be fine. Take care and remember it's a tiny tiny snapshot in your babies lives. Before you know where you are they will be doing their own thing and you will be running after your inlaws and own parents as they get old and needy.

That's family life.

Good luck with everything - you sound do much like me, and I know it's hard to release control of situations.
My mum visited first (what I wanted) then mil. My mil is fab and I adore her but I wanted my mum!
How long have you got to go?

Just go with the flow. Like another poster on her I had emergency c section and baby was in Scbu for two weeks. I was grateful for anyone to visit us once I knew my son was going to be ok. In fact my inlaws saw him first. As they both died a few weeks ago (12 years after the birth of my child) I'm so grateful I had that time with them and that I didn't limit their access to their first grandchild. Life can be very cruel so make the most of the good times and don't get too stressed about things that are probably not that important.

Hope it all goes well for you op.

For what it's worth I didn't care who saw dd first or me after my c-section, I was high on morphine. Mil and gmil were the first to visit, they were definantly there to visit dd, not me. My mum and dad visited later that day when they'd both finished work. All I cared about was having dh around.

I did need my mum a few days later when the baby blues hit, she put me to bed for a few nights like when I was little. I was also struggling to manage me c-section wound and getting in and out of the shower. I wanted my mum to help with that, dh had his hands full looking after dd, she helped remove dressings and get me dry and dressed. She and my dad were a fantastic help in the first few weeks and looked after us all. Dh could call them in the small hours and they'd do what ever we needed. All our washing one done, lots of home cooked meals provided, shopped, dh was always told to sit down and rest and given cups of tea.

On the other hand mil and gmil were very demanding about comning to visit and put dh under a lot of presure. I hated it when they visited on our first full day home. All I wanted to do was put dd in her basket next to the bed and try to get some sleep. But instead I had to try to make small talk as mil clutched dd, asked for food, rejected every cup of tea dh made them, generally complained. It was the start of what has become a very difficult relationship for dh dd and I.

I think your mistake is to be discussing and planning this now. keeping it casual means you can invite whoever you want whenever. Simply call your mum first and let her know to come over. Then phone MIL and arrange for her to come over either later or the next day. If you are tired you can simply say am knackered, can you come tomorrow. You are making this bigger by over thinking it and by airing these opinions.

Good luck OP. My DIL is due to give birth in a few weeks. I fully expect her DM to be the first to see the baby. I will keep my distance until DIL is ready to see DH and I. IMO, it is all about the new mother and her baby. I don't want to see her until she is ready to see us. I am looking forward to holding the baby in my arms (if DIL is ok with that).