To expect DH to get a vasectomy

[elderfloweriver]

We have two, nearly three children, a mix of boys and girls (if that's relevant) and no3 was unplanned.

We hit a rocky stage in our marriage and I asked him to leave for a bit. He did so. Now we are back together but I have to admit I didn't want 3 DCs.

I won't use hormonal contraception and so now our family is complete I feel DH should look into having a vasectomy - I just CAN'T have four children!

But I can't work out whether this is reasonable and fair or controlling?

What do you think?

Well said sock

Agreed sock but looks like the op won't be back and I don't blame her!

I hope she has some support in real life but I don't think she does so all purple is doing is pushing the op back to her husband.

Op, I'm so sorry to read of how awful things are for you. Please reach out in rl for support.

Haven't read the whole thread, sorry, (51 pages!!) but my DH went through hell following his vasectomy.

He was in agony for several months, and 15 months later, we are still not 100% sure if it was successful or not. He keeps having to do re-tests because they are inconclusive, then some results were lost, then a sample was lost...and so it goes on and on.

Consequently, we are still using condoms and wishing we had never bothered.

Although he agreed with it in principle, (I'd carried, given birth to and breast fed our 4 children, so it seemed fair that my body shouldn't go through anything else!) if we'd known how awful the aftermath would have been, I certainly would not have wanted him to have it! I started a thread on it about 4 months after, will try and link.

I think this is a case where it might be sensible at least to read the end of the thread before posting.

Agreed sock but looks like the op won't be back and I don't blame her!

Neither would I but I hope even if she does not post again she may read.

When posters know they have a serial name changing abuse victim posting and decide to make themselves look all clever with there detection skills and they do that in the full knowledge that the victims abuser is also attempting to find the posts of the victim.

They are making it easier for him to do so. They are actually doing all the work for him and contributing towards his power over the victim. All because they want to look ohhhh so smart.

It's a wanker thing to do.

If someone does not understand why women do not just leave or do not just take the advice they are given immediately when it's given then rather than dredging up previous posts and using them to hound a poster perhaps they could just educate themselves. Spend some time on womans aid's website,contact your local DA forum for information or resources or better still go on a training course many places offer them very cheaply or free if you find it useful or interesting then a few universities offer post graduate DA spersific qualifications you never know a career change could be in order.

Or carry on contributing towards the hostile attitude towards victims and sufferers carry on making it harder to seek help and take your part in socialites piss poor attitude towards woman

Well said sock