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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you stay with kids when they're sick?

191 replies

DisappointedOne · 03/07/2015 16:10

Yesterday a friend's husband posted a load of photos on Facebook of their 2 kids (3 and 1) covered in chicken pox and looking really unhappy. He commented that they were both really poorly, neither of them can leave the room and that the heat was making it so much worse - nobody sleeping etc. Lots of comments and advice on what to do etc.

Less than 24 hours later she has now posted that she and hubby are off to a hotel 6 miles down the road for a dirty weekend while "grandma deals with the whiny diseased kids". They left over an hour ago and granny has posted saying that they're still crying for their parents.

AIBU to be Hmm about this. Poor kids just want mum and dad. All they're interested in is getting their rocks off. Sad

OP posts:
Reginafalangie · 03/07/2015 20:36

I doubt very much that she has changed any details considering her reply was well I haven't named them.

What problem is it of yours if I am over invested? Is that your passive aggressive way of telling me to stop posting? You don't like my posts then scroll on by. It has bugger all to do with you how much I post.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 03/07/2015 20:39

Well I wouldn't do it but as I haven't ever had a night away from DD (19 months) and am suffering for it I don't know whose approach is the right/healthy one.
It makes me uncomfortable when people post pictures of their ill children on Facebook, I would hate someone to post a picture of me when I'm ill, grumpy and covered in spots and I think children have the right not to be plastered over the Internet in that state too!

MayPolist · 03/07/2015 20:52

little kids aren't usually poorly at all with CP.Maybe a headache the day before ot comes out and then itchy, but not poorly like flu or D&V where you feel dreadful.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 03/07/2015 20:57

Yanbu.

Don't know why your getting such a hard time, op. I wouldn't have liked to leave sick kids and I'm sure my mum wouldn't be too happy either looking after them just so I could spend the weekend away shagging.

And I wouldn't think much of anyone who broadcasts something like that on Facebook. Is it supposed to impress? Cos it so doesn't.

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 03/07/2015 20:58

I doubt very much that she has changed any details considering her reply was well I haven't named them.

Actually, I'm not an idiot. Some details have been tweaked a very tiny bit, but not much.

Now, will you be wanting to have a go about that? Hmm

OP posts:
AmysTiara · 03/07/2015 21:01

I wouldn't have left them. They are still so young. The post by the grandmother about the kids crying was mean though, sounds like a guilt trip

Original poster
DisappointedOne · 03/07/2015 21:04

Someone posted "oh, hope they are okay" to which GM replied "they're both still crying for you" and tagged the mum. They've been on FB since (posting umpteen pics of cocktails) so must be aware ignoring

OP posts:
wonkylegs · 03/07/2015 21:05

If DS got chicken pox (or many other infectious diseases) I'd be leaving to stay in a hotel.
It's not that I'm a heartless bitch but the reason may not be immediately obvious to people that don't know me very well. I take immunosuppressants for a condition that most people don't realise I have (after 17 years I am quite good at dealing with it/hiding it), and as I have a screwy immune system, exposure to CP would mean I end up in hospital very very poorly.
I know from experience it's often not obvious what's going on in the background of people's lives so judging FB status's & gossip is a foolish thing to do.

AmysTiara · 03/07/2015 21:07

If the OP had posted "AIBU to go away for the weekend and leave my 2 whining, diseased toddlers with a grandparent they hardly know" she would have been slated.

Some people just have to disagree with the OP Hmm

Purplehonesty · 03/07/2015 21:19

I wouldn't have gone, no. I just wouldn't have enjoyed it knowing my children were ill.

I have a friend like this, always jetting off somewhere whether her dd is well or not. Left her the day after she got out of hospital for the weekend to go get her haircut and have cocktails with friends - also posting on FB about how she was escaping. Poor kid. However she has a great relationship with the granny as she is left there so often....

But then I also couldn't go away on holiday without my dc. I can never understand people who go away for two weeks and don't take their kids!

NewFlipFlops · 03/07/2015 21:26

YANBU OP.

Also they are tacky and weird to be posting pictures of their sick kids on FB. Poor little things.

Smartiepants79 · 03/07/2015 21:29

I'm also really surprised at how many people think that this would just be normal, everyday behaviour.
Mumsnet never fails to do the opposite to what I expect!
I don't think I know anyone ( well, one couple possibly) who would leave poorly children to go away for the weekend.
Work is a different matter.
So is a holiday.
It is not about being martyrs it's about what you signed up for when you chose to be parents.

Alwayswiththechords · 03/07/2015 21:29

You're free to feel however you want about other people's decisions. If it had been me, i would still have gone away with my DH, depending how ill my DS was. Probably wouldn't enjoy it as much and would keep calling home every 5 minutes but still.

meglet · 03/07/2015 21:30

I wouldn't go either.

But I'm the lp mummy martyr who cancelled her first night out in 6 months because dd was sick. I'd been at work all day and she'd been with grandma, she wanted to flop with me once I was home from work. There's no way I could have skipped off out leaving her with a relative.

puremuscle · 03/07/2015 21:34

Leaving ill children because you have to go to work and have someone willing to look after them for you is totally different as is having to leave because you are immunosuppressed Confused
As I read the OP, this situation is neither of those things.

Some little children do get ill with chicken pox and even though the great majority don't a lot do become v distressed and uncomfortable and struggle to sleep all night. It sounds as if that is the case with these two little ones and I think it is really mean to leave them feeling like this just for a weekend away especially as this couple already have the chance to do this regularly.

wonkylegs · 03/07/2015 22:16

Puremuscle - I only shared my immunosuppression to give an example that you shouldn't judge as you don't know what the full story is as FB/gossip doesn't always give the full or particularly accurate picture. I know going away for the weekend is different but you don't necessarily know the ins and outs of people's lives.

chewymeringue · 03/07/2015 22:21

That is why I said that I only left dd when she was ill if I had to go to work. I then said I wouldn't have left her for a night out or a something like that.

chewymeringue · 03/07/2015 22:22

No matter what their reasons it's horrible to post statements like that about your poorly kids on fbook.

rookiemere · 03/07/2015 22:24

I think the only thing that we can fairly blame the entire family of is oversharing on FB.

We have no way of knowing how genuinely distressed the DCs are. I have no idea why anyone would think it's a good or pleasant idea to put lots of pics of their DCs on FB with chickenpox - I mean just why would you even do that?

The DM obviously thinks she is being v. witty by calling her DCs "Whiny and diseased" - but to be generous, sometimes it's hard to workout how things will play out on FB.

I do pity the poor DCs - no control over their media presence with two glaring nincompoops in charge of it.

5madthings · 03/07/2015 22:27

Yanbu, last month dh and I went away for three nights for the first time in fifteen years,within 24hr of us going dd came out in chickenpox, she was miserable she got it really badly, spots everywhere, horrible temp. My friend and mum who wrre looking after her and the other madthings.g's didn't even tell us she was ill. They wanted us to enjoy our time away,we had just got married after 17 yrs together and never get time off.

Yes dd was miserable but she was with a close friend and then my mum who is a nurse, she was well looked after, dh and I had a much needed break and an amazing time

Lweji · 03/07/2015 22:29

whiny diseased kids? Confused

Twats

The80sweregreat · 03/07/2015 22:32

Hmm, i can see both sides but both my parents and in laws never looked after our children at all unless it was an emergency
They told me 'kids come first' and that was that. You wanted them, you bring them up. Etc etc. had to find our own babysitters.

If i had left them poorly with someone i would have been flamed (and dh too) by our family. I couldnt do what your friend did, i would have cancelled.
But we're all different and as long as the kids are well looked after, thats what matters. The grandmother has her work cut out though! ..

5madthings · 03/07/2015 22:33

That should have said yabu... Autocorrected for some reason.

No way would dh and I have cancelled our trip or come back early, well I would have thought about it had I known dd was ill, my mum and friend rightly decided it Was better we didn't know so we could have a good time.

Nanny0gg · 03/07/2015 22:43

I do not believe that most of you would leave a poorly one year old baby with a GM he barely knows just to go away for a weekend.

Yes the children would be cared for, by someone they don't know very well even though the GM may love them to death. The baby won't know her well enough to prefer her to his mum or dad.

I think it's thoughtless and selfish and I am happy to judge away.

WhyTheDrama · 03/07/2015 22:44

The granny posted on Facebook that the kids are we're still crying. WEIRD!!

Really? That is very odd. Confused

It's also very odd that the parents posted just as they were leaving. Are you sure it's not a wind up? Because it sounds like it.