To think that school proms are just American imported nonsense, and not to see the point?

[EmeraldThief]

When I left school in 1998 we had a leavers disco on the last afternoon in the school hall. Music was supplied by one of the teachers on a CD player, food was sandwiches and crips on paper plates and we wore our uniforms. I don't remember if we had photos taken, but if we did they'd have been on a disposable camera!

So I missed the whole "prom" thing by a few years or so, and I have to say that I'm glad because I just don't get. Several hundred quid on a dress that's only going to be worn once? What about parents on a tight budget? Then there's the fake tan, professional make up, transport, photos etc. Once again, ok if your not on a tight budget? What about kids who've had a bad time at school and just want to leave and forget about it? The whole thing feels fake and so un British to me, I'm amazed they've taken off over here actually.

AIBU to think that they should have stayed in America along with Baby showers, Bridal Showers and these silly pre school graduation ceremonies? We'll be celebrating the 4th July next ffs.

Do Americans have proms at the end of elementary school? Aren't primary school proms a British thing?

There is elementary and then middle school in the US. Elementary goes to 5th grade, so about age 10/11, then middle school goes to 8th grade or age 13/14. No proms at the end of either afaik but middle schools that I know of have a dinner dance that is a family event, usually at the school itself.

Prom has normally been restricted to high school but due to Hispanic immigration some schools experience a cultural shift to having some sort of prom at the end of middle school, which is done in Mexico (maybe because many leave formal education at that point).

My DCs went to a parish school that was K-8th grade and upon graduation there was a dinner at the school that was planned, cooked and served by the following year's parents (parents of the next year's graduates) with a few speeches, some academic and other awards and a slideshow featuring photos of all the students from babyhood to 8th grade. The dinner was a dress up affair and each student was accompanied by two adult guests -- mostly both parents but sometimes grandparents or basically whoever the guardians were. Then everyone decamped to a local bar. There was a formal graduation too a few days later, in the church, with caps and gowns and parchments.

Senior prom is a big deal in some cultures in the US where young people might not have finished high school in decades past. Huge numbers of family members gather at the home of the teen heading off to prom, there are parties, photos, everyone dresses up, and there is great excitement. Houses are decorated with balloons and 'Congrats Grad' signs on lawns. Since attendance is usually restricted to graduating seniors it is a symbol of doing really well, climbing out of poverty, leaving a family's past behind and looking forward to the future with hope.

High school graduation ceremonies are also highly significant rites of passage for many, a very proud day.

In the US, most graduating classes would have been together for four years of high school, whereas school leavers in the UK do so at different points of their teen years and 6th formers might not have been together all that long in many schools. In Ireland school leavers would have been together in secondary school for maybe six years of secondary, so perhaps the 'last hurrah' element of a prom or debs is more meaningful in those two places than in the UK where the secondary school experience can involve a few different settings.

I don't have teenagers (yet) but the prom thing does seem OTT and (whispers) a bit tacky.

Thats really interesting Math. Thank you for posting that.

Pmsl at nuns making whooshing signs :o

YANBU. I feel so sorry for the girls whose families can't afford this imported nonsense.

Just the girls?

US high school culture doesn't seem to translate very easily to the UK. I agree that having children together for their 4 final years rather than 5+2 or 7 years but in a smaller school creates a different dynamic.

YANBU. I feel so sorry for the girls whose families can't afford this imported nonsense.

It costs what you want it to costs, as I said above you can get lovely dresses on ASOS and Boohoo very cheaply. I have noticed it tends to be the poorer area that tend to go over the top with their clothes etc The more MC in our area don't go over the top so much.

ds1 left school at the end of Y13 this summer - his school (boys) held a leavers' ball once all the exams were over. It was black tie and they could invite girls but they didn't have to. The girls who went all made an effort but it wasn't OTT with limos etc

I think its great to celebrate the end of school with a party! It beats going to the offy with some fake ID and drinking vodka in the park like we did, before heading off to some godawful sweaty mosh pit while pretending to have a 'girls sleepover at Vicky's dad's house'

Just the girls who cant afford it eh

You don't have to spend much at all.

My DC all loved their proms. There were no other expenses other than the ticket and the clothes. Transport, make up etc was all free.

Presumably those who dislike the American import of proms don't like Disney either. No Frozen for your kids? .

It's as OTT and tacky as the individual wants to make it. DD was very 'meh' about hers last year so although she had a new dress and shoes we certainly didn't spend a lot of money (£58 to be precise!). We had fun looking for dresses but bought online. She had her hair done on the day but it was due a cut anyway, she did her own makeup. The actual event was a lot more fun than she expected it to be.

I am American and grew up in NYC. I don't know anyone who went to our high school prom (I think there was one, but it wasn't very cool).

You folks make too many generalisations about Americans. You don't have to import customs and culture you don't enjoy: there's no rule that says you have to take all our worst ideas, exaggerate them, and then complain about how American they are.

Both dds got their dresses online bags and shoes from primark it really doesn have to cost 100s I saw new look selling lads suits reasonabley priced. Dds school is mixed income and on the night you honestly could not tell who spent what they all looked fab

I have loved seeing the prom photos on Facebook and wished I'd had one but I left school in 1996. I don't remember anything special when I left school, no disco, no party, no photos...nothing! Would love to have something to look back on. However, I do wonder whether I could have handled the stress over which dress I was going to get etc.

Oh gawd months AND months of mum look at this and this and...

We had a leavers ball in (ouch) 1988.

I had a spectacular vintage dress which cost a fraction of what most people's Laura Ashley frilly numbers did. I bloody loved that dress and still regret that I lost it somewhere in the process of the continual swapping of evening dresses that went on at university - I would have loved to have seen DD in it one day.

I have no issues with my DC doing this sort of thing when they reach the appropriate age, but hope that they will be sufficiently confident as individuals to decide for themselves what their priorities on a limited budget will be.

The american bashing on Mumsnet really is starting to be pathetic. We had a leavers do when we finished school. It wasn't called a prom but it was exactly the same thing. It's been happening in this country for a very long time, just under a different name.

I think the problem is that a limo and a corsage don't add up to an American graduation experience, but a minority get over involved in this side of things and start organising limos for the end of primary school disco.

There are charities in the US that help prom-goers who might have trouble affording the clothes.

My Ds is leaving primary school today ..there is a leavers prom /party. The girls have all been getting spray tans , hairdresser appointments , fake nails , and Limos. (They are 11 & 12)
The boys seem to be going for much more relaxed approach and have decided to wear chinos and shirts /polo shirts . It has cost my friends quite a bit and I think it is pressure money wise and also for your child to fit in. I think the full on prom type thing should be left until senior school.

Absolute nonsense until leaving secondary, then I can understand it more. I also went to school in the 80s and we had nothing like that. Just an egg/flour fight on last day & then to local park. My DS is about to leave primary - there's a disco (not a prom - they wear party clothes), and a picnic on the last day. Parents have also organised a party 'out of school' after the picnic on the last day in a nearby hall. Nothing to do with being miserable, it's just not necessary at 11.

My daughter's nursery are holding a graduation party. I'm not even joking, they have had photos taken in a gown with the square hat and everything. WTF?

What's the difference between a disco where they wear party clothes and a prom where they wear party clothes?