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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that school proms are just American imported nonsense, and not to see the point?

206 replies

EmeraldThief · 02/07/2015 14:41

When I left school in 1998 we had a leavers disco on the last afternoon in the school hall. Music was supplied by one of the teachers on a CD player, food was sandwiches and crips on paper plates and we wore our uniforms. I don't remember if we had photos taken, but if we did they'd have been on a disposable camera!

So I missed the whole "prom" thing by a few years or so, and I have to say that I'm glad because I just don't get. Several hundred quid on a dress that's only going to be worn once? What about parents on a tight budget? Then there's the fake tan, professional make up, transport, photos etc. Once again, ok if your not on a tight budget? What about kids who've had a bad time at school and just want to leave and forget about it? The whole thing feels fake and so un British to me, I'm amazed they've taken off over here actually.

AIBU to think that they should have stayed in America along with Baby showers, Bridal Showers and these silly pre school graduation ceremonies? We'll be celebrating the 4th July next ffs.

OP posts:
YUDOTHIS · 02/07/2015 16:36

YABVU.
I left school at 14 (6yrs ago) so had no prom of my own but my little sister (15month age gap) stayed on at school and actually persuaded the teachers to let me go as her "date" the local car cruisers (group of petrolheads, lovely guys with a bad rep) took some of the kids, can't rightly remember how x and y worked or even if the school encouraged it but I arrived at my prom in a subaru impreza turbo edition. I wore my older sisters prom dress and only paid for the ticket which was around 3 pounds, My aunt (who i lived with for a bit) gave the driver a tenner but wasn't asked to do so. It really isnt that expensive and parents who go above and beyond (limo hire, thousands on a dress etc) i believe have more money than sense.
This isn't a new thing, by the way. My older sister is 24 and had a prom upon leaving yr 11.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 02/07/2015 16:40

i dont see a problem - so its called a prom now not a disco

its still the same thing, call it what you like - if it was called a disco, they would still be spending on transport, and dresses.... i dont see what the fuss is

BettyCatKitten · 02/07/2015 16:42

I'm not looking forward to this in the future as I have twin dd's. Double the expense Shock. Spare a thought for us parents of multiples Grin

chewymeringue · 02/07/2015 16:47

Loads of my friends kids have gone to prom in gorgeous but very inexpensive outfits. It's a shame if people are pressurised into spending loads.

DeidreChambersWhatACoincidence · 02/07/2015 16:48

Yabu.

Proms weren't around when I left school either, lots of things weren't, Confused but that doesn't mean they shouldnt exist now. Times change.

My daughter really enjoyed hers. We didn't spend hundreds on her dress etc, there are bargains to be had and it's possible to keep it in perspective. She looked lovely. School wasn't always wonderful for her by a long shot and I wasn't sure she'd go, but she decided to and it was fun and special.

Not everyone went, some chose not to go. That's ok too.

specialsubject · 02/07/2015 16:50

it is more than 3 decades since I left school. Girls school so a prom would not have made much sense, but I vaguely recall a post A-level week of trips, outings and general reasonably good clean fun. Then it was 'have a nice life' and goodbye. These giant fancy-dress games seem really silly.

I see school as a business contract; pupils pay attention and work for education, teachers work to give that education. No need for sentimentality. Move on. Plenty of life ahead, you hope.

BTW I would never go to a baby shower. I buy a present when the baby arrives, not through superstition but because sadly, sometimes, the baby does not arrive.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 02/07/2015 16:54

My daughter is 12. Her school do a prom for the end of year 11. I've told her now that if she wants to go her budget is £50 all in and she can sort it herself.

She replied that that should nicely see her a pair of new Docs in the sales and that she'll go in jeans and a tee shirt. I like her style.

I fucking hate proms. I don't need some ridiculously naff party to let my children know they're doing well. I do that daily, by being an interested parent who converses with her offspring.

vienna1981 · 02/07/2015 16:54

Just another unwelcome import from the USA. I don't care which other countries do proms, I don't want them here. There was none that nonsense when I left school in 1989.

If Thanksgiving ever gets established in the UK I'm emigrating.

WorraLiberty · 02/07/2015 16:55

My DS has his prom in a couple of weeks.

New suit/waistcoat/shirt/tie that he'll wear to 6th form anyway, cost £90 all in.

New shoes that he'll also wear to 6th form cost £25.

Transport is just a lift in his friend's Dad's car, for which I'll give petrol money and a bottle of wine.

I'm glad he has simple tastes Grin

Mrsjayy · 02/07/2015 17:00

Urm i and many other parents converse with their offspring your dd isnt special because she wants new docs its because she is 12 and her leaving school is years away

wannabestressfree · 02/07/2015 17:01

My son is taking part in a leaving prom for year six- they are going in a party bus and having photos taken etc. It will probably cost me £50 all in but he is my last one to leave primary and going on to a school without most of his friends so I think it will be nice.
At my secondary we select the year 11's that can go to the prom and they are driven to a secret location. It's based totally on behaviour and it does give them focus in those last dreadful months.
I can't get worked up that they are a 'bad' thing. Children don't all get to finish school- my eldest was in a psychiatric hospital and I think it's nice to celebrate with your peers.
We do have leavers day for all. We show all their pictures from when they started and they sign shirts. That's much more riotous :)

Mrsjayy · 02/07/2015 17:01

I THINK YOUR SAFE FROM THANKSGIVING VIENNA

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 02/07/2015 17:05

Actually, it's because she thinks that preening is a waste of effort to be fair. She's never been a girly girl and gets fits of the giggles when her friends are all praying about with dresses and so on.

I stand by my opinion that these parties are fuck all to do with achievement and everything to do with greed and vanity. If it was achievement it would be a leavers assembly with the linked awards and speeches.

FraggleHair · 02/07/2015 17:06

They're to do with having fun.

ElviraCondomine · 02/07/2015 17:08

It's DD1's next week. No limos or big dresses here. Her dress was £30, shoes £20 and bag £10. She's going in her friend's mum's car. The school used prom as an incentive for behaviour and good work etc and students can buy tickets by converting their reward points into hard cash. After the pressures of 24 exams in 4 weeks, plus a DofE expedition this weekend, I think they deserve a bit of fun.

DeidreChambersWhatACoincidence · 02/07/2015 17:08

Just another unwelcome import from the USA.

If it was unwelcome nowhere in the UK would be doing them Confused

FraggleHair · 02/07/2015 17:09

Poor teens being forced into proms against their will Sad

Mrsjayy · 02/07/2015 17:14

Neither does mine but dont assume what your dd says at 12 will be the same as when she is 16/17 and to say that you c8nverse with your child so you dont need to lavish her with frocks and nights out is smug

BelindaBagwash · 02/07/2015 17:14

Load of old nonsense imo.

Our primary school had to stop having them as they got more and more ridiculous with hair, make-up, limos etc as it wasn't fair on the kids whose parents couldn't afford all this.

My DS had his, organised by the school, in a local hotel. Although he and a few friends were already 18. the school said they weren't allowed to buy alcohol as it wouldn't be fair on those who were too young.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 02/07/2015 17:15

The primary my children attend has a leaver's party every year (school hall, balloons and disco) and they have deliberately not made it a prom, because of the expense of dresses and limos and the fact that a few kids always get left out at primary.

I love how everyone says cheapo dress, and then lists £90 or something. Even £20/30 plus a limo shared is £50 and I think the school is right to make it a party anyone can attend wearing something nice they already own.

SuburbanRhonda · 02/07/2015 17:16

OP, I feel so sorry for you having to go to your leavers' disco in school uniform.

But more sorry that you view that as a good thing.

gobbin · 02/07/2015 17:18

I've never attended the Prom at our school. It is in a very mixed catchment and there are families who just can't meet the financial demands of attending. Whilst life is never equal for everybody, I think that all students should be able to attend without feeling that they need to spend the crazy amounts on clothing etc. and they clearly can't. It's fundamentally unfair.

As my DS put it (when he decided not to attend his own prom after GCSEs): "Why would I want to spend all that money to stand around the edges of the room talking to people I see every day, drinking coke."

I couldn't have phrased it better myself.

lljkk · 02/07/2015 17:19

I'm looking forward to DD's prom. When else am I ever going to buy her a bang up beautiful dress & watch her get dressed up to the nines with a bunch of silly over-excited mates?

I didn't go to my prom, don't scrub up well & didn't have a date. :(

I don't normally celebrate 4th of July, but this thread is making me itch to go out & buy some fireworks.

DoJo · 02/07/2015 17:20

I think the test on whether it's worth adopting new customs is to ask whether it will cost money you wouldn't otherwise have spent.

Really? I think considering whether or not something is fun, or appeals to people and enhances their life would be more my idea of a decision-making process. You don't have to spend money any more money than you would on an end of term disco - you don't have to attend at all - but dismissing something that the kids enjoy just because it costs money seems like a shame.

SuburbanRhonda · 02/07/2015 17:20

an interested parent who converses with her offspring.

Wow, you sound a laugh a minute.