To think that school proms are just American imported nonsense, and not to see the point?

[EmeraldThief]

When I left school in 1998 we had a leavers disco on the last afternoon in the school hall. Music was supplied by one of the teachers on a CD player, food was sandwiches and crips on paper plates and we wore our uniforms. I don't remember if we had photos taken, but if we did they'd have been on a disposable camera!

So I missed the whole "prom" thing by a few years or so, and I have to say that I'm glad because I just don't get. Several hundred quid on a dress that's only going to be worn once? What about parents on a tight budget? Then there's the fake tan, professional make up, transport, photos etc. Once again, ok if your not on a tight budget? What about kids who've had a bad time at school and just want to leave and forget about it? The whole thing feels fake and so un British to me, I'm amazed they've taken off over here actually.

AIBU to think that they should have stayed in America along with Baby showers, Bridal Showers and these silly pre school graduation ceremonies? We'll be celebrating the 4th July next ffs.

The merest hint of a revoked prom ticket worked on recalcitrant KS4 students like a crucifix on a vampire from about Christmas of year 10.

raven loved that! What power to wield..

I see what you mean re the boom and bust too, although my dd steered always from the after party stuff. She wanted it to end on a high note, not at 3 am with mascara running and people asleep on a floor. I thought that was quite perceptive really, especially considering I spent much of my youth doing exactly that . Not that I told her of course, I just nodded sagely and heaved and inward sigh of relief .

Even in the US, they have gotten out of hand compared to not so long ago, and I am really sorry the concept was adopted here in all it's current overblown 'glory'.

It isnt so much the dance, but all the before and after add-ons that have gotten so silly.

Speaking of culturally different things we don't like....
Is it peculiarly British to do a yr6-leavers' play?
Because they bore me witless. An hour of my life I'll never get back. Argh.

As well as being a celebration, I think a prom is an opportunity to learn about formal occasions. I go to networking events and gala dinners with work, and I'm so glad that I attended formal balls and dinners at university, because I feel reasonably comfortable in those situations now.

That makes my job sound more glamorous than it is! My point, though, is that navigating these occasions is a social and professional skill that can be worth cultivating.

My youngest and his friends just didnt go. They said it wasnt their thing and wasnt interested in the after party, the real reason the kids want to go along as they can drink at that one! He may live to regret it, but i doubt it. My eldest enjoyed his prom, but being a boy the cost was small! It is an import that has grown and the nail bars and hairdressers / spray tan people are loving it!

I'm not being miserable but we live in a very materialistic area and it's not nice to see kids denied an end of year party because other spoiled brats kids make fun of them because their parents bought their "prom dress" from a charity shop or boys whose parents can't afford to hire a kilt for them.

last night they had a shorts and shades party - great fun, very little expense and nobody felt excluded

At primary school I had a leavers disco in year 6. We danced to the Superman song, the Macarena then cried to the song from titanic at the end. There was no fancy dresses, just pedal pushers and football tops.

After year 11, a group took it upon themselves to organise a prom. The school didn't want to know, so they booked a local hotels function room. A few got carried away with limos ect. The marjority turned up pissed on white lightening cider and trashed the function room. The girls who's parents booked the hotel was given the bill and the headteacher refused to invoice the troublemakers as it was nothing to do with the school.

My two enjoyed their proms. The build up was exciting and a great way to celebrate the end if an era with friends. The cost was what you wanted to pay. It was very hard to spot the expensive from the budget tbh. I chd that found school an unpleasant experience would hate an afternoon disco and sandwiches as well as a prom. Let them experience something new and exciting and let them celebrate their hard work and the end of their schooling as they have known it for years. Just because we adopted some of the idea from America does not mean it's bad !!!

My son had his last night. Black tie ( same price to buy as to hire more or less) so I bought. Prom ticket £40.00 , at a posh country club where I haven't even been myself. We had to drive him there and then stay awake till 12 to pick him up. On a 'school' night- usually in bed by 10!

The girls dresses varied from high street to obviously designer ( grammar school in fairly wealthy area) and there were some fancy cars but not that many.

I must admit I was a bit bah humbug about the whole thing and my son wasn't fussed either way. Till I saw him in his prom suit- oh my! So so handsome, I've been flashing the pics all day long at work. He really enjoyed it as well.

Some of my friends with girls have spent literally hundreds!

It is a load of wank. My older kids had it - was introduced randomly by their Head who was also, weirdly, a local vicar so probably trying to be down with da kids. Just cringeworthy bullshit. Luckily none of them ever wanted to go to it. Lots of conspicuous expenditure (the kids who have builders, solar panel installer and plumbers as dads are outrageously wealthy round here); stupid big cars and repulsive dressing up. My older kids loathed it. My younger two are sadly the type who'll be suckers for this shit.

'Carrie' had the right idea when it came to proms.

the formal dance is really an old-fashioned thing, not a modern or american idea. When my dad died I went through his and my mum's boxes of keepsakes and found so many photos and menus from the tennis club dance, the grocers association dance, the St Nowhereville football club dance etc all black tie (and all starting with consomme for some reason). I think they had a lot of fun.

To answer a poster upthread, most young people go in groups to the prom but do usually invite someone as a partner. But my cousin's daughter is going on her own with her friends so it isn't essential. My son went to the prom this year and it was almost exactly like my own debs dance all those years ago (except way way more vigilent about drink).

My mother also kept all of her "evening frocks" and my sister and I wore some of them to dances too. Still have them upstairs actually - wonder could I persuade my daughter to wear one?

Christ, if they'd tried it at my school, there'd have been an attendance in single figures; everyone else was too busy trying to get served with fake ID in the pub.

I really do despair of young people today.

Yanbu. I didn't go to my prom and didn't even tell my parents about it in fact because i knew we couldn't afford it. Although i wasn't too bothered about missing it at the time, it would be quite shit for a kid in a similar situation who did want to go.

Moving on, I saw one post on my fb feed recently where a friends younger sister wore not one but TWO dresses to her prom!

YABU I think proms are great. I had one when I left year 11 and we had a great time. All dressed up, limo, dinner and dancing. A great evening after the work of GCSEs.

It's just some fun.

I will have no problem with my own children going to prom and paying for it. It does not have to be really expensive.

We have "The Debs" here in a Ireland (Débutante ball)

Oh it was one of the best nights I had in my teens. Yes there was fancy cars and fake tan but mainly it was getting together with all my school friends and getting shit faced drunk

I have to say there are some killjoys on this thread. Its fun for teenagers. You're not being forced to attend.

A side order of America bashing too

YANBU. They have just got out of hand and are way to expensive.
They were not around for my eldest who just had a low key disco. The youngest 2 had the prom which they enjoyed and luckily they are male and didn't need as much preparation and money.
It was much better for my eldest- fun without all the preparation and buying of new things and it cut out limos and worse.

I find it acceptable for the end of year 11 but really draw the line at the end of year 6 - that really is dreadful!

DDs year 13 prom is tomorrow night at a posh manor house and she is so excited to go. They have a formal three course meal and then a dance. Some girls have spent £40 on a dress and some have spent £400, nobody cares (other than the mean girls and they are thankfully in a massive minority). Generally they are all just looking forward to a good time and a post exam blow out.

I was a bit bar humbug at first, but it is so lovely to see my usually shy girl giddy as a kipper that I am now pleased she will experience it.

The students fund raise all year to try to keep costs of tickets as low as possible.

LucyBabs, I agree.

Irish schools have been having debutante balls (aka 'Debs') which are exactly the same as American proms, for decades. They were an old tradition when I was doing the Leaving Cert way back in 1982.

Like Hallowe'en, I suspect what is considered to be American may in fact be Irish. Or as Canyouforgiveher suggests, an old tradition of formal dances/dinners that used to be part of the lives of many young people even back in the days when most left school in their mid teens.

My DCs who graduated from an American high school all went to their proms. They went in groups, not necessarily with dates. Before the prom the kids and parents met at a certain house, took photos, had some canapes, then the DCs all went off in a few cars or a limo to the formal dinner, which was followed by clubbing, followed by breakfast in the city and then they all went off for a weekend at a lake cottage owned by one of the parents. All my DCs bought or rented their own dresses or suits and contributed to the cost of the limo in the case of the one limo that was used. The DDs paid for nail jobs. DS paid for a haircut and got flowers for the girl he brought.

This was almost exactly what went on at my own Debs decades ago in Dublin. We went in groups some with dates and some not, met at the school for nibbles and photos, then off to the hotel for the dinner, followed by clubbing and then breakfast. Some hardy souls scaled a local hill in their finery but walking out on Dun Laoghaire pier was popular too. Yes indeed -- we fundraised with bake sales, sponsored runs, etc to keep costs low. Anyone who started out in the class as first years could go. It was nice to see people who had dropped out, some of whom were married at that point.

I think Prom is a nice idea. Both my DDS wanted to take part and I was happy with that...let them get glammed up and feel special if they want to. I do however think its beyond unreasonable before end of 6th form. 16 is a reasonable age, 11 not so much...theres time enough for all the glam thing later on, let them be children.

YANBU re. Baby Showers. I avoid them, and give gifts when baby is born but its like anything isn't it, America does it then England aka 2nd America takes it on

Went to a boarding school and I had at least 5 balls a year. It was far nicer than a prom and I loved that there was zero pressure to have a date. One was school related and the others were balls organized through various activities. When I moved to London after graduation there were still a few balls being held but were changed to galas. Another nice thing about a ball is that while you want to look nice we all wore the same dress to every single one! It was kinda looked down on to wear something once.

I think it's great schools are doing something to celebrate but why a prom when a ball would be more appropriate?

I'm a sucker for a party and dressing up, so I'm happy with the prom thing , although it's a bloody ridiculous name for it. What ever happened to goo old party or disco (I know, I know)

My 16yo DD school doesn't do an official prom but the kids organise it themselves. Had a lovely time. Most had high street dresses and my DD and mates got a cab there (no limos at all - I think they all sensibly saved their cash for illicit beer at before and after parties!).

A fiver for a photo, paid for out of her earnings. I think it put a lovely end to the exam period and millions of photos they can look back on and admire how absolutely amazingly vibrant kids of this age are, and how oblivious of that they were at the time .

We had a leavers ball in 1996 when I left school in Yr11, at 6th form we just had a party as the place I went to had a very small 6th form but my BF at the time had a 6th form ball in a local hotel.
They were called Balls but same idea as a prom. I wore my mothers old prom dress from the 60s - long black velvet no and put my own hair up in a beehive. Mum drove me and I probably bought new shoes & a bag (it was so long ago I can hardly remember) all photos were taken by me and I have loads of them. I also remember that we decorated the hall ourselves in the last lesson period that day.

YANBU. I feel so sorry for the girls whose families can't afford this imported nonsense. Leaving school feeling unhappy and excluded is not a good start to adult life.