to be sick of all the 'othering' on these boards?

[BishopBrennansArse]

I've just about had enough of this and I'm going to tell you why.

I'm disabled. My three children are disabled.
I am a member of this forum just as much as any other person here. My thoughts are just as relevant as yours. My family experiences are just as relevant as any other poster on this board.

How dare you tell me my parenting experience isn't relevant? Parents like me despite being a relative minority aren't that few around here. We have just as much right to share our experiences on these boards as everyone else, it is an open forum.

So how dare you tell me I can't post about cuts to disability provision, services and benefits. They are just as relevant as the experiences of the next parent. They have a place on this forum just as much as the opinions of others. How dare you tell me I can't mention experiences I've had with my children in public on 'naughty child' threads? When these things ACTUALLY HAPPEN and I'm trying to present an alternative view.

Yet you use phrases like 'SN brigade'. You tell us it's 'not about disability' when actually in real life yes it is no matter how much you might think it shouldn't be.

Undermining experiences I've had and other families like mine is downright ignorant. It's othering and bigoted.

I will defend my family forever.

How dare you.

"and no party in Britain supports the less well off than the Tories"

Are you actually serious??

Oh good lord. 'Je suis Charlie.' Really?

How about just ' try not to be a twat'

^^This

It depresses me that Je Suis Charlie, along with Stephen Fry's, ''I'm rather offended..." speech, has become an excuse to just be an arsehole.

MrsJayy, yes, you can post what you like and say what you like but if your opinion is unpopular you will get shouted down, bullied and pushed off a thread. It's awful and MNHQ do nothing about it. More and more people are just not posting on threads because they know there's no point. It's shutting down discussion and debate. The ones who shout the loudest and report anyone who disagrees with them are winning. It's a very sad state of affairs.

Mumsnet can be pretty shocking though. I have realised my disability acts as a twat filter; all my friends are nice people, even my kids' friends are nice people. Only nice people come to our house. When I venture out I am generally accompanied by my strapping, authoritative husband, my mouthy teenage kids or my confident, assertive friends. I never really experience any crap. For the most part, I live in a pleasant, supportive bubble.

But on Mumsnet I frequently encounter people who hold shockingly disabilist views, and are seemingly unaware of the fact. It can be quite jarring.

I never go anywhere near a scooter thread any more.

TinklyLittleLaugh im like that on the WC on buses threads,
has mn hq done anything yet about the new sn topic for adults?

Unless you have the hide of an elephant it's not worth posting anything on AIBU imo. Some topics are safer than others, but anything to do with benefits, disability and social class, bring out a lot of vitriolic, shouty nastiness.)

I remember years ago saying i had very disposable income and people piled on me telling me I shouldn't have a window cleaner if i was that badly off. I felt I had to justify why a middle aged woman with joint problems and who lived in a second floor flight, might want to pay someone to clean her windows! Looking back i wish I'd just told however made the suggestion to piss off.

YANBU, but your post tars everyone with the same brush which is unfair.

flat, not flight!

bumblemummy maybe you are right you probably are staying away from threads because you know you are going to be silenced or verbally beaten down to nothing really isnt on. Maybe i am also in a tinkly bubble but generally twatty opinions dont get to me or upset me I will either stand my ground or not post because there really is no point sometimes

Hello all.

I'm much more rational today.

I stand by the 'how dare you' though. Why should I smile sweetly and nod my head whilst the most unspeakable aggression has been shown towards me for years? Why should disabled people and carers be meek, mild, saintly and so fucking grateful for wanting the same as everyone else (ability to access community, education etc)?

Do people really not complain when they are consistently treated badly?

Yes I do directly broach it on threads if people try to shut me down. It does then become rather cyclical but what the hell. The problem is there are just too many of them over various name changes I've had to list them individually. Yes the entitlement thread last night was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Whilst I appreciate that the majority of people on here wouldn't dream of behaving in this way and I've encountered some really lovely, supportive people here. But there is a minority - a really, really significant one though - who behave EXACTLY as I described in the OP. All the time. And it's escalating.

When you've spent the last 8 years fighting for your children to get a basic education, to be seen in various clinics to identify need, to get some respite, to advocate for your children, when you've not had a full night's sleep properly for at least 10 years, when you've spent the last 37 years being treated differently in real life because of your own disability (deafness all my life and the mobility issue only in the last 5 years in case you're wondering why I dared to have children when I'm disabled) you don't need the kind of crap encountered on here. Sometimes you snap.

Don't tell me if I don't like it don't post. That's othering too. Why shouldn't I be here? I'm isolated enough in RL without being isolated online too. I don't actually get this crap anywhere else despite being a member of several other forums.

Funny, been thinking. I answered a question last night asking if my kids shared my disabilities. I'm now wondering if that was actually because the person thought disabled people shouldn't have children and 'spread the problem'?

Oh and the 'tarring with the same brush' - 'sn brigade', 'entitled disabled people' - that's not doing that? Plenty of it goes the other way.

Actually it's not that I think every single poster here does it. It's a way of illustrating a point. The disability community is huge and diverse, and clumping us together to dismiss us isn't on either.

Och you know what i agree with you BUT you can be a member you can post and you need to have to be heard i hate the disabled tag as if we are all the same with the disabled disease

What everyone (except for the narrow-minded, selfish, blinkered, thoughtless, callous, and uncompassionate twats) said.

Some brilliant posts here. Shame that, as usual, it's the same posters making the same reasoned points and taking time to educate again and again and again. To an audience who either isn't there, or who will probably refuse to listen or change.

Why the fuck aren't MN doing more about this? Every time a post gets reported, the This is My Child link gets posted, but threads are 99% of the time left to stand. Or even if deleted, are not done so because of the bigoted disablist content - let alone any "otherness" going on, which is unlikely to be recognised by MNHQ. There was a thread some weeks ago, the usual bollocks about benefits etc, which was quite extreme. It got deleted, but the MN message was that "it turned into a bunfight". Well yes - but it was an extremely provocative, bigoted disablist thread started by a nasty narrow minded count. The deletion message should have said so.

The "otherness" thing can be a subtle one, and I don't think MNHQ quite get it.

I think I've been on MN for eight years, and it has definitely become more hateful in that time.

I agree MNHQ don't get it. Maybe they need to add to their team.

Oh MrsJayy, I usually have no problem standing my ground but it does tend to make them worse. I think it's awful that so many people are going unchallenged or getting away with saying awful things just because people don't have the time, energy or inclination to engage with them. I think a lot more support is being given via PM these days. It's nice in some ways but a great shame in others. I think it also makes MN look less friendly to new people. It would be nice if people could be more tolerant of different people's experiences and opinions online. For somewhere that's supposed to be a place primarily for support - it does seem that you only get support if you have the 'right' opinions and experiences. Otherwise people just want to shut you up.

Because people are being told where they can and can't post, just like in real life people are told where they can and can't go (less explicitly but there nonetheless) if they have a disability. That's why 'how dare you?'

I haven't read all the posts.

I do think you are being unreasonable starting a thread about other threads. So although I believe you are welcome to your point of view, i diagree with how you are going about it.

bialystock - this guy? Bigoted? Say it ain't so

so how else does the op do it?
mh hq don't listen.
they just post a ling to the agist TIMC campaign

Adding to their team is a great idea, tbf i use mumsnet as a distraction and really i have fought for 40 odd years im weary and there is always going to be a them and us some people can never begin to understand or even want to. I think i stopped posting on threads about disability and benefits during the paralympics many many posters said thibgs like if they can do it then why cant you do it I just thought Ffs really !

lol yeah Mrsj - like they can all run like Mo Farrah!

I do agree that MNHQ needs to have a heavier hand in deleting some of the posts - most I've reported I get back a message saying they want to leave it up to "educate" people and they feel that since others are arguing with the offensive poster that they want to basically let the thread self-police. I don't think that's right - they wouldn't do that if it was racist or homophobic, so why is being disablist such a grey area for them?

I get tired of being told we need to educate people. We're all adults, right? If you're bitching about a child in a restaurant making noise and someone says "my child with SNs does that - perhaps that child has SNs and couldn't help it?" then you have two options - 1-be a twat and keep arguing that even though you don't know the child, you are CERTAIN there are no SNs involved or 2- accept that perhaps this is something you need to learn about and take the time to not only learn about it but be more considerate and tolerant as well. Most people on these threads choose number 1, unfortunately.

And I can see where the OP is coming from. Some days I get so frustrated that I cannot even bother to post as I know I'll just get shouted down. And I know I'm not the only one that feels that way, as I've seen others say things like that as well. Add to that the large number of people that are lurking but not posting. Very disheartening. I get enough nasty looks, tuts, and comments when out with my dcs, as 2 of them have SNs. It's just depressing to have it here too - it's gotten much worse in the last few years.

Why, Grumpy?

It is not a thread about a specific thread, it is a general attitude that is creeping into Mumsnet.

DS2 was dx at 2 years and 2 months. It was glaringly obvious.
DS1 at 3 years 6 months. Same.
DD at 2 years 6 months. Same.

It can be and is diagnosed that early.

Thing is with forums it is peoples real thoughts and they can type out what they really think and that is what astounds me the most in Rl people are usually more reasonable about things so if you said to somebody in the playground im not taking my asd child to my nephews christening most people would say fair enough, on
ine it all just comes spilling out