to be sick of all the 'othering' on these boards?

[BishopBrennansArse]

I've just about had enough of this and I'm going to tell you why.

I'm disabled. My three children are disabled.
I am a member of this forum just as much as any other person here. My thoughts are just as relevant as yours. My family experiences are just as relevant as any other poster on this board.

How dare you tell me my parenting experience isn't relevant? Parents like me despite being a relative minority aren't that few around here. We have just as much right to share our experiences on these boards as everyone else, it is an open forum.

So how dare you tell me I can't post about cuts to disability provision, services and benefits. They are just as relevant as the experiences of the next parent. They have a place on this forum just as much as the opinions of others. How dare you tell me I can't mention experiences I've had with my children in public on 'naughty child' threads? When these things ACTUALLY HAPPEN and I'm trying to present an alternative view.

Yet you use phrases like 'SN brigade'. You tell us it's 'not about disability' when actually in real life yes it is no matter how much you might think it shouldn't be.

Undermining experiences I've had and other families like mine is downright ignorant. It's othering and bigoted.

I will defend my family forever.

How dare you.

many/most folks don't get it because they don't want to. Most people, I fear, will be all nice and understanding of people with disabilities until we inconvenience them. Then we should "play by the same rules as everyone else" - thus giving the lie to all pretence of inclusiveness.

I would say that's pretty accurate. Sadly.

Miscellaneous What an awful day for you.

Another point most disabled people plod about their day to day lives doing ordinary things working shopping socialising taking their children to school and all the rest and you get threads on here basically saying well they dont act/look disabled people make instant assumptions on the snapshot they dont know the organisation that it takes to get out or the pain a person might be in.

Oh i have just said what a handful of others did oh well

I spend all day repeating myself of what someone else has just said MrsJay.

or

The person on the other thread who referred to "ishoos" was bang out of line, regardless of where or how the thread had meandered to and who had taken it there. When you describe disabilities as "ishoos" then the moral high ground is not where you stand.

yes, the amount of effort it takes some of us to achieve the normal things, as MrsJayy described - I sometimes think that were our disability to be removed, we could rule the world with that amount of energy and effort. Sadly it has to be wasted just getting along.

Misc what an utterly shit day :(

What an utter shite day misc

It wasn't even a bad day by my standards, that was my normal. But thanks lots for the kind words, they mean a lot, can't actually even say how much as it will sound stupid to anyone else not having to live this life.

A bad day is when I am forced home without doing the thing I needed to do, stopped by other people's thoughtlessness, ignorance, or cruelty. Or when things (people's behaviour, attitudes either directly or through systems, rules, architecture) conspire to create an insurmountable barrier and something dreadful happens. Those are the worst days.

Like (and I may name change after admitting this) the time when a traffic jam pushed me beyond what I can do, but I still tried to do it. Then the unhelpful person who said I wasn't allowed my scooter but also refused to get me a wheelchair and porter instead. So had to walk, stand and use my stick. When I really can't. The torture of the queue. And then the person (fucking bastard) who pushed in in the queue, and the (nhs) staff who refused to help when I pleaded them to help me as I couldn't stand up anymore. And being told to return to the queue like everyone else.

Then the humiliation as I wet myself in that sodding queue. Urine soaked leggings and skirt. Like an animal. Or a baby.

A grown adult brought so low by other people's actions.

Then the tutting and the disgust and glances. And me never ever wanting anyone to see me ever again.

So when other people complain about disabled people getting too much/ asking for too much, they don't get how every moment for them may be a fucking hard struggle. And they can't 'suck it up' and stop whining, when daily life is so back breakingly, soul breakkingly hard. Oh and nor can they in fact fuck off and be invisible.

Misc.

Have from me too Misc x

People who say this kind of thing doesn't happen seem to have forgotten that:

The sn boards were made opt-in because of the amount of abuse being directed at parents of severely disabled children on there. So much so that many parents actually left mn because they felt so unsupported.

The antenatal tests board was started partly because anyone talking positively about their disabled child on a "I've had a positive downs result," thread was told that they are being insensitive, and that terminating a pregnancy for disability is the norm and there are other people to be considered, siblings etc who should have the right not to grow up with a disabled sibling.

The vaccinations board was created partly because many parents who have made an informed choice not to vaccinate their children due to disabilities within their families have been as good as branded baby murderers for their choices.

I've been here for over ten years, and disability bashing has always been there, it's just that now it's come a bit more to the fore because of benefit cuts which everyone seems to have an opinion on.

It is awful that the sn threads were made opt-in for that reason!

Why would people go to an area of the site for families dealing with sn and attack the posters? I always assumed it was opt-in because some people might find it a sensitive subject, not to protect the people using it.

Am not saying I don't believe the reason sorry, just sad that that is the case.

Sad but true wannaBe.

I think the posts came up in active conversations and people just waded in like it was AIBU tKing no account of SN, like they do if some poor soul posts about SN in AIBU

Which is a whole other issue in itself, Fanjo.

It shouldn't matter whether it's AIBU or not. If a poster posts needing support they should get it wherever they post. Pointing a poster in the direction of the SN topic boards because there are experiened posters there is one thing. Telling posters they should have posted there if they wanted supportive replies is another.

It's a fairly damming intidctment of the rest of the site that the sn topics need to exist as a safe space rather than just more specialist boards like the other topics.

i always get annoyed when people are told to post on the sn topic. people decide not to for many reason, and tbh sometimes it isn't a nice place, just like any other topic

People do forget that the SN boards were created as a safe space Wannabe.

It's shameful that it's necessary tbh although some on the SN topic seem to forget that too.

misc what disappoints me is why nobody spoke up for you. Offered to help you. Let you in front. Got you a chair. Anything. I know all too well that the smallest act of kindness can change a disabled persons day, a small amount of ignorance can destroy their whole month. It just affirms what they already think. The stories I could tell you about the ignorance and nastiness of the general public would make your toes curl. The kind, understanding members of this society are in the minority (but thank goodness there are some)

I'd have spoken up for you and offered my help.

I find myself much more saying to people "you will get replies from more experienced and supportive posters on the SN boards" recently. There was a thread recently about a school refuser (can't remember if it was chat or AIBU) and one of the first replies was something along the lines of "just get them there, school is non negotiable".

I sometimes feel like the SN boards (at their best) are like MN used to be, supportive of people even if you don't agree with choices and genuinely helpful. There is a recognition that we are all in the same boat, even if we row differently (apologies for cliche! Will try not to post the Holland poem ). I remember when they went opt in, and can see the reasons for is as Fanjo said, but it makes a mockery of "inclusion" doesn't it. There is definitely a tone of more cynicism, lack of genuine understanding and boredom towards disabilities and SN on MN, but I think just reflects society sadly. The divide and conquer mentality is working very well isn't it.

Oh and by the way, the kicker - the poster with the dogmatic attitude and useless "advice" on the school refusal thread was a "professional" in this area.

Don't know whether to laugh or cry sometimes!