to be sick of all the 'othering' on these boards?

[BishopBrennansArse]

I've just about had enough of this and I'm going to tell you why.

I'm disabled. My three children are disabled.
I am a member of this forum just as much as any other person here. My thoughts are just as relevant as yours. My family experiences are just as relevant as any other poster on this board.

How dare you tell me my parenting experience isn't relevant? Parents like me despite being a relative minority aren't that few around here. We have just as much right to share our experiences on these boards as everyone else, it is an open forum.

So how dare you tell me I can't post about cuts to disability provision, services and benefits. They are just as relevant as the experiences of the next parent. They have a place on this forum just as much as the opinions of others. How dare you tell me I can't mention experiences I've had with my children in public on 'naughty child' threads? When these things ACTUALLY HAPPEN and I'm trying to present an alternative view.

Yet you use phrases like 'SN brigade'. You tell us it's 'not about disability' when actually in real life yes it is no matter how much you might think it shouldn't be.

Undermining experiences I've had and other families like mine is downright ignorant. It's othering and bigoted.

I will defend my family forever.

How dare you.

So do you want people to shut up about SNs?

Not at all, but SN isn't the root cause of all the problems in AIBU/Chat, and if people say that SN isn't the issue please don't go on about it for another 20 pages....

I can't read post after post from other posters calling him a twat etc.

Well, unless your DS was the twat on the other thread, you had nothing to worry about...

But why, because your son has an issue, does that stop other people talking about someone that doesn't.

That's where the "SN Brigade" term comes in, a troupe of people turn up on a thread, project their own situations and issues onto it and anyone that disagrees is disablist.

It's stifling....

Anyone using the term SN brigade should have their posts deleted.

So do you want people to shut up about SNs ?

Who, me? Not at all!

I'm just saying, SN can't be applied to every situation but I'm not sure everyone gets that! And it can be difficult to have the discussion you want or need to have when the thread is being detailed like that.

But I would never want to silence anyone!

Iknow how unsurprising to find you defending the term SN Brigade

Lashes to be fair on the other thread you were the first person to have a post deleted....

I don't know I think it's a bit of both tbh. Sometimes people don't want to consider sen or disability as it doesn't fit with their view. Other times Op will post 'dont you just hate it when someone sits right in front of you at the school play when there are loads of other spaces?' And someone will get all huffy and say 'what about me? I'm disabled and I can only sit in (OS REFERENCE) I suppose you think I shouldn't be allowed out?'

Well no, IKow. Because the fussy eater threads usually have more generalised posts in.

'I hate fussy eaters'
'They need to grow up'
'None of my kids were allowed to be fussy' etc

So actually they do refer to my DS.

But I'm not allowed to explain why, because that's derailing.

Iknow how unsurprising to find you defending the term SN Brigade

Not at all, never used it! But I know why people use it.

What does SN Brigade mean?

Sorry, I'm new. Meh

I can't work out for the life of me what SN means

I think I know what you mean. I had to hide a thread recently about people with prams using the disabled loo. I dread to think what they have said about me since I've hidden it, their views on disabled people being "entitled" we're pretty obvious. Disabled people and carers are battered down so much in real life, when ignorance happens on here it makes you feel like you're banging your head against a brick wall. Educating people is exhausting. Every day is a battle.

Yanbu OP.

True Pat1ence, but that thread was a case in point to me.

I got called out for "not understanding" disability. However, I have as much experience of disability as the next person. I just happen to not mind a harassed mum using the disabled loo with a toddler or a baby in a pushchair.

So not all people with disabled children/family members think alike and have the same opinions. Just because I disagree doesn't mean I'm "other", and clueless about disability. I'm not.

I don't think anyone should have to hide SN and it is useful to have a reminder when SN could play a part but, if the OP has stated repeatedly she is certain this is not the case, it becomes wearing when posters keep on and on as it did on the fussy eater thread. It was good to hear about sensory issues and how it can affect people but some posters did derail it and would not allow the thread to be about a demanding pillock

I think it does us all good to be aware but needs consideration from all sides to keep a sensible discussion going

Downgraded, as well as the experience you have of disability, do you also have the experience of being out and about with a wheelchair using child who is sat in their own poo and you can't get in the disabled toilet because there's an "harassed mum" in there, who could have used the proper facilities? Or the constant stares of horror from strangers as your disabled child grunts loud with happiness or flaps their arms? How about getting back to your rear loading wheelchair car to see someone hasn't left 3 metres of space (as requested on the back of the car) for you to put your child in the car? The constant government cuts? Being made to feel like a scrounge? The earth shattering exhaustion of 24hour caring? And if you moan about it, do you get called "entitled"?

Every family I've met that is similar to ours has the same thoughts and opinions. We're stigmatised to the hilt. I can see why some people would flip at MN being yet another battle.

Yes I do, I get all that. And some of it is fucking irritating, although I can't say I've ever felt stigmatised financially.

But if someone else is obviously struggling, I don't think having a bit of empathy for that person as a mother is that hard. I'm still a mother too at the end of the day.

I have never, ever been hugely inconvenienced by someone with kids using a disabled loo. Not that I can remember.

SN - special needs
SN Brigade - insult that presumes that parents of children with special needs are some sort of hive mind, organised group who bully and wield power on threads.

Op I have felt similar to you over the last few weeks, when I have been told I am derailing threads, sucking the fun out of threads and have no sense of humour. It makes me sad because I like it here and have found a huge amount of support on here, but sometimes it feels as though you only have to mention special needs to get a huge eyeroll and sigh from some posters.

I know exactly what you mean and see it a lot.

Most of the time YANBU

Occasionally however, I think Y might B a bit U.

It's not so much the posters with disabilities or with children with disabilities that cause the derailment/problem, it can be the responses those posts. Eg -
OP - 'A child in front of me ruined the performance by jumping up and down on his seat all the time'
P1 - 'how annoying, I hate it when parents don't control their children'
P2 - 'my DS does this. He has autism and gets overstimulated. Don't forget this could have been the reason.'
OP - 'thanks for the insight P2. I don't think it was SN in this case but yes, it's worth remembering.'
P3 - 'even if it was SN there is no excuse. Children with SN should stay at home if they can't cope.'
P2 - 'are you saying my DS should never get to experience things.'
P3 - it shounds harsh but yes, his rights don't trump others.'
P4 - 'you are disablist and wrong.'
P3 - 'no, I'm not'
P5 - 'odfod, I'm reporting you for being a disablist troll'
P3 - 'go ahead, I have a right to my opinion'
P3 - 'not when it affects my child's right to a life you don't'
P6 - 'I can't believe this, what a horrible thread.'
P3 - 'this kind of thread is what makes it so hard to leave the house'
OP - 'what did I do????? What's happened to my thread?'

See what I mean? It isn't the poster who posted her experience with disability that's the problem. It's the responses that it leads to that ruin the thread.

oh rubbish, I mixed up P2 and P3 half way down. P2 is the poster with the experience of disability. P3 is the disablist one derailing the thread.

Manic and Quiero great posts.

I'd copied Quiero's post as it was a while back so will paste if below. Won't do the same for Manic's as was only 3 posts ago :)

"I think we sometimes lose sight of why people post on here. Some of us are canny robust and are extremely fortunate to have straightforward lives with not too much to worry about but many, many people are not that fortunate.

There are posters who are bereaved. Posters who battle disability or mental health problems. Posters who have to fight every single day just to get a basic level of education for their children. Posters who might not have spoke to a real life person in weeks. Posters who are trapped in abusive relationships or horrendous family situations. And so much more, You tend to find that people who gravitate towards online communities do so for a reason.

I do believe the fuckwits on here are the minority but unless the rest of us stick together and support each other, then they have won. I don't think we should dismiss people like the OP for being sensitive towards this stuff. Unless you've walked a mile in their shoes it's hard to say who is or isn't unreasonable to feel aggrieved by something."

YANBU, and I'm sorry you've experienced this- you are completely right that it is othering, dismissive, and should not happen on any forum.