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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be sick of all the 'othering' on these boards?

264 replies

BishopBrennansArse · 30/06/2015 17:48

I've just about had enough of this and I'm going to tell you why.

I'm disabled. My three children are disabled.
I am a member of this forum just as much as any other person here. My thoughts are just as relevant as yours. My family experiences are just as relevant as any other poster on this board.

How dare you tell me my parenting experience isn't relevant? Parents like me despite being a relative minority aren't that few around here. We have just as much right to share our experiences on these boards as everyone else, it is an open forum.

So how dare you tell me I can't post about cuts to disability provision, services and benefits. They are just as relevant as the experiences of the next parent. They have a place on this forum just as much as the opinions of others. How dare you tell me I can't mention experiences I've had with my children in public on 'naughty child' threads? When these things ACTUALLY HAPPEN and I'm trying to present an alternative view.

Yet you use phrases like 'SN brigade'. You tell us it's 'not about disability' when actually in real life yes it is no matter how much you might think it shouldn't be.

Undermining experiences I've had and other families like mine is downright ignorant. It's othering and bigoted.

I will defend my family forever.

How dare you.

OP posts:
paulapompom · 30/06/2015 18:44

AIBU to think that that is aggressively trying to silence pony ^ Hmm

IHeartKingThistle · 30/06/2015 18:45

It's tricky. I've seen loads of threads where this happens but tbh if the OP of a thread is talking about behaviour, for example, and has made it explicitly clear that the child in question is NT, it might well be irrelevant or misplaced for a parent of a disabled child to get upset or defensive. Sometimes it isn't the point. But I've never seen anyone say someone shouldn't post or share their experiences because they or their child is disabled.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 30/06/2015 18:48

Almond, I think that particular thread was the final straw, as it's not just that one thread, there has been a definite trend recently I have noticed, and I have been here years. As the posters saying stuff like this are usually self confessed name changers for particular threads, I think it's a certain number of people (who don't want to own up to their posts in usual names) and they are definitely trying to silence debate and refuse to engage with valid points. Points which are relevant but people don't want to hear them. The name changing is cowardly too. At least say who you are!

It is dismissive. It is distressing and I think I will log off tonight as I am getting more upset and angry.

PerpendicularVincenzo · 30/06/2015 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

downgraded · 30/06/2015 18:57

I think every poster needs to remember that you don't know anything about the person you are engaging with on here.

It's too easy to dismiss other posters disagreeing with you as not having a clue about disability, when actually you have no idea what those posters have experienced,

I've had some posters, when disagreeing with me about disability, say that I don't understand or have no clue when actually, that couldn't be further from the truth. I simply disagree over that particular point.

NRomanoff · 30/06/2015 18:58

So has someone actually said to the Op 'since you are disabled your views aren't relevant' ?

isupposeitsverynice · 30/06/2015 18:59

I couldn't be bothered with that thread, it clearly want going to end well. but I don't think op is being unreasonable. posters with disabilities and/or kids with disabilities have been complaining for years about shitty attitudes to sn on here and I do think it's a valid point. maybe she didn't post very nicely but she's pissed off and I think justifiably so. why should she be nice when as far a she's concerned, people aren't extending that courtesy to her

Oswin · 30/06/2015 19:03

Yanbu op. Over the last year its steadily got worse. Constantly seeing words "well I don't mean the people who are disabled" when they clearly fucking do.
Its most noticeable for me on the benefits bashing threads, especially when people deny the disabled are affected by the benefit cuts, even when they have a disabled person telling them exactly how there lifes have been made awful by the cuts.
They carry on with there crys of not the disabled while ignoring what is happening to the most vulnerable in this country.
They don't give a fuck really.

HoldYerWhist · 30/06/2015 19:06

Are you drunk?

What is going on with the ranty threads blaming MN for the world's problems.

Sometimes your SN aren't relevant, sometimes they are. Is that not just life??

popalot · 30/06/2015 19:06

Agree with downgraded.

None of us should be making assumptions of eachother. We should be questioning, answering, enquiring, sharing. Unfortunately some people will be 'othering', but we should never assume someone answering has no experience of what they are talking about. People don't reveal all about themselves. Some may have experience of disabilities or mental illness they are not revealing.

Egosumquisum · 30/06/2015 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NRomanoff · 30/06/2015 19:12

Some people talk about minority groups, bash them, criticise them and do everything they can to make them "other".

Of course some people do that, there is a huge amount of people. Take any large group of people and some will be dick heads. It's doesn't mean the whole group are at fault.

My mum is disabled and the worst abuse she has got is from other disabled people over parking in disabled spots. Doesn't mean all disabled people go round telling people thu are obviously faking to get a blue badge.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 30/06/2015 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowglobemouse · 30/06/2015 19:21

maybe you should have said this to the posters who wronged you, yno, at the time

Cherryblossomsinspring · 30/06/2015 19:34

I think the reality is that everyone when given free reign to think aloud in an anon forum, is deeply shaped by their own experiences in life. I haven't noticed what you are talking about OP but I'm not sensitive to in (meaning that it might not stand out to me). I think if you met most of the posters in real life you would find they are nicer than on mumsnet. No harm in reminding people that there are people with different experiences of life and different challenges out there. I do think mumsnet brings out such extremism in people, especially AIBU.

firesidechat · 30/06/2015 19:39

I've been on here for a while now and have disabled parents. I have honestly never come across this before. Every thread gets it's fair share of idiots, but generally speaking they are idiots to everyone. They don't discriminate.

Backforthis · 30/06/2015 19:42

Do you mean the wanker thread about the cuts where mentioning the impact of the cuts on people with disabilities was called derailing or trying to elicit sympathy? Because you are bang on with that one.

TheHormonalHooker · 30/06/2015 19:48

I agree with you OP, imo it's always been like this on MN.

annielouisa · 30/06/2015 19:55

Truly I think maybe the OP just lost for a bit as she had been so upset about that dreadful thread. It was unfortunate she chose to post just after it had riled her so much.

Idiots that say things like "I do not mean disabled people" when benefits bashing are the same as racists who make a racist remark in front of a black person and say "I don't mean you"

Every situation is different and making sweeping generalisations leads to problems. OP not everyone is judging you or thinking your views and opinions are not valid. A very annoying person name changed to start a benefit scrounger/ poor people should not have kids bun fight!!

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 30/06/2015 20:04

I can't say I've seen this sort of behaviour on here, not on a huge scale, may well have happened, may not. However, this is the second thread in as many days, mindlessly ranting at posters, without fact or some sort of coherant argument. I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but starting threads like these will not give you much sympathy in all honesty (see the thread with the 'my daughters hate themselves because of you" nonsense).

Summerwood1 · 30/06/2015 20:06

Oh!!!

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 30/06/2015 20:09

I've noticed it too, someone commented "in the real world not everyone has ishoos" after myself and others had given frank honest descriptions about how we are affected by something.

Actually Lashes - you'd hijacked the whole thread with lots of "they might have xxx" despite being told repeatedly that it was nothing to do with SN and everything to do with someone being a twat.

Yet you kept banging on & derailing for over 400 posts.

It wasn't relevant to that thread and it was bloody tiresome slogging through your constantly repeated mutterings.

A good case for the "Ignore Poster" option we discussed MNHQ.....

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 30/06/2015 20:11

Lashes was referring to This Thread

Pumpkinpositive · 30/06/2015 20:12

However, this is the second thread in as many days, mindlessly ranting at posters, without fact or some sort of coherant argument.

Maybe it's the same poster? I can't recall ever seeing an OP which ranted non specifically at a mysterious "you" before yesterday. Confused

And like yesterday's OP, I do think this one has a point, it's just that she has a rather combatitive, unproductive way of expressing it.

usualsuspect333 · 30/06/2015 20:17

I agree with you.OP.