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Picky guest. Rude and ill-mannered or within his rights?

896 replies

AddToBasket · 29/06/2015 17:34

Gah. I am throwing a themed dinner party for friends from a particular interest. (A bit like a medieval feast for people from a 12th Century interest group.) The menu is complicated and of the 'Take one plucked flamingo' school of recipes. It's a massive deal and will require military-like organisation to pull off but I'm looking forward to it.

It's at my house but I have a co-host. The partner of the co-host will not eat anything on the menu. There are four options for starter, five for main course, four for pudding. My co-host tells me he eat won't eat any of them.

He's not vegetarian or allergic, he just doesn't like vegetables or anything 'complicated'. I've been asked to serve a plain chicken breast. The menu includes a roast chicken salad (offensive because of watercress) and a plain couscous.

I think it's rude. AIBU?

OP posts:
GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 04/07/2015 07:13

Great update OP!

Sounds like a whole new world has been opened up for Fussy McFussyPants.

ErinBlockerBitch · 04/07/2015 07:20

So actually no sensory issues at all? Or Allergies? Or anything other than being a PITA.

CardinalRed · 04/07/2015 07:22

What a result, OP!
And now you know that if you ever entertain him again, then you can cook whatever you fancy and let him decide what to eat (or not)

Thanks for the update - and enjoy your breakfast!

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/07/2015 07:25

Very glad it went well, Add. Good result all round.

Weebirdie, I agree. My daughter is on the spectrum (very high-functioning). At primary school she was perceived as odd and easy to rile, and she was subjected to a lot of this eye-rolling, snide, goading stuff, as a result of which she became so depressed and anxious that she threatened to self-harm, refused to go to school and had to be referred to CAMHS. The silver lining there was that she got her diagnosis as a result but the way she was treated by the other children was unforgivable.

How difficult is it just to tolerate difference?

Crocodopolis · 04/07/2015 08:28

AddtoBasket, hooray! I was wondering how it would all go.

I am glad Mr Chicken Breast was a gracious guest.

You do know that there is gaggle of MNers waiting for an invitation to your next feast...

tappy foot

DinosaursRoar · 04/07/2015 08:37

Fabulous update! Sounds like Mr Fussy is trying to deal with food issues.

Crocodopolis · 04/07/2015 08:44

I would just like to say "thank you" to the neurotypicals who have felt the need to tell me for at least the 10,000th time, what it is like to be on the spectrum. I mean, how would I know if I wasn't reminded of this by people who are neurotypical?

And don't try to excuse your posts as passive-aggressive by saying "Oh, but I didn't mean you".

That's nonsense. I have been participating in this thread from the beginning and did not just parachute in after 900+ posts to wave my Scoldy Finger at others and take the moral high ground.

Crocodopolis · 04/07/2015 10:00

MNHQ, please tell me why my post was deleted.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/07/2015 13:51

Tolerating difference is generally a good thing but being 'different' isn't a total free pass to do what you like and never mind the impact on other people.
If you're high functioning enough to hold down a job then you can understand rules and procedures and consequences, however silly you might think some rules are. There needs to be compromise from both the mainstream and the different.

Because this current mindset of 'everyone indulge the special snowflake' has one massive problem - how do you manage more than one 'different person in a group setting when some of their needs conflict? EG you've got one who is extra sensitive to sudden loud noises and another who makes involuntary noises; one who is extremely averse to being touched and another who compulsively touches, or pats, or strokes other people...

SuburbanRhonda · 04/07/2015 13:58

Please, people, let's have at least one page of celebrating the wonderful update from the OP.

You sound a lovely host, OP, and I bet your co-host was happy and relieved that it all turned out so well on the night.

CardinalRed · 04/07/2015 14:26

Exactly, SGB.
I once managed a team where one person would come in around 10 (flexi time) and immediately open all the windows. It never occurred to her to ask the other team members if they minded, or that as they'd been sitting there for around 2 hours, that they were perfectly comfortable with the windows shut.
It caused a whole load of aggro, the fresh air fiend getting stroppy when people sitting in a draught promptly closed the windows again and the atmosphere started to get very tense. I had to take her aside and explain that it was a good idea to ask before you did something that impacted on everyone else.
Some people are just impervious of the impact of their actions on others. And some people just don't care, as long as they are okay. But we all have to live with other people and having a little bit of courtesy can make life much more pleasant for everyone. Nobody likes feeling that their feelings do not matter or that some people's needs/wants are more important than others.

AlisonBlunderland · 04/07/2015 14:44

So it sounds like Mr ChickenBreastFussyEater wasn't anyting of the sort and has now been renamed Mr WonderfulDinnerGuest.

Shall we now character assassinate co-host who caused all the worry?

My DH eats a wide variety of foods, but has some he prefers and some he's not bothered to eat.
If we went out to eat to a place with a choice of maybe 5 starters and mains, the majority of time i would be able to guess what he would order and what he would never order.
Obviously co-host doesn't know his partner very well!

SolidGoldBrass · 04/07/2015 16:00

Yes, well done OP and glad to hear Fussybollocks not only behaved but enjoyed himself.

oddfodd · 04/07/2015 16:18

Hurrah! That's such a good result OP Smile

Hopefully you've also given h the confidence to be a bit more adventurous too.

Please post the recipes I the recipe section - they sound delicious!

MissDemelzaCarne · 04/07/2015 16:34

Great news OP, glad it went well. Smile

StatisticallyChallenged · 04/07/2015 20:33

Cheer for Weebirdie. I decided to leave the thread when I went to work one day (I'm high functioning enough that I can hold down a job, although I've been made redundant once and came close to losing this job before I got my diagnosis, both for reasons related to autism rather than my actual work) and came back to see it had descended in to comments which were pretty much picking on someone who has openly declared their disability, for things which are very directly related.

StatisticallyChallenged · 04/07/2015 20:35

P.S. glad it went well OP. I'd guess that the atmosphere was relaxed enough that he felt he could try different things without it being a big deal - surely a tribute to your hosting skills!

YouTheCat · 04/07/2015 22:47

So, in the end it really wasn't about sensory issues surrounding food but just a man who's a bit fussy and thought he wouldn't like anything. Who then tried everything and had a really good time and has, hopefully, expanded his palate a bit.

Good result all round.

And so really no need for about 500 of these posts about sensory issues around food.

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 04/07/2015 22:52

Lovely update

msgrinch · 04/07/2015 23:19

Great outcome! SGB I completely agree with everything you've said on this thread.

BrendaBlackhead · 05/07/2015 13:47

I really enjoyed this thread! I love a good thread where you have to keep dashing back to the computer/consulting your phone in case there are any more amusing posts/rucks.

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