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Picky guest. Rude and ill-mannered or within his rights?

896 replies

AddToBasket · 29/06/2015 17:34

Gah. I am throwing a themed dinner party for friends from a particular interest. (A bit like a medieval feast for people from a 12th Century interest group.) The menu is complicated and of the 'Take one plucked flamingo' school of recipes. It's a massive deal and will require military-like organisation to pull off but I'm looking forward to it.

It's at my house but I have a co-host. The partner of the co-host will not eat anything on the menu. There are four options for starter, five for main course, four for pudding. My co-host tells me he eat won't eat any of them.

He's not vegetarian or allergic, he just doesn't like vegetables or anything 'complicated'. I've been asked to serve a plain chicken breast. The menu includes a roast chicken salad (offensive because of watercress) and a plain couscous.

I think it's rude. AIBU?

OP posts:
WellErrr · 29/06/2015 17:44

Give him a kitkat.

AddToBasket · 29/06/2015 17:46

Oooh, I am so glad you all feel like this. Fussy eaters = just plain fussy.

OP posts:
Pumpkinpositive · 29/06/2015 17:46

I'm fussy (which is code for an "adult baby" according to some ppl on this thread) but turning your nose up at watercress takes some beating. It doesn't even have a taste!

Tell him to bring his own packed dinner. He surely must be used to doing so!

YaTalkinToMe · 29/06/2015 17:46

Truthfully would not bother me, but see I am outnumbered.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 17:48

YABU. Some of us have issues with food and it's not hard to do something plain

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 17:49

This reply has been deleted

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SuburbanRhonda · 29/06/2015 17:51

I agree that asking for something plain and simple might not ordinarily be a faff.

But if you're cooking so many different dishes and now have to make space for a baking tray with one piece of chicken on, and add that into your timetable so you don't over/under-cook it, it will be a total pita. As is he.

JennyOnAPlate · 29/06/2015 17:52

I would tell your co-host she needs to sort it. Or tell him to bring his own food which you can bung in the microwave.

RachieS1986 · 29/06/2015 17:53

shop bought cooked chicken breast and two slices of bread ib the middle of the plate.

Seriously why would you accept an invitation when a menu with that much choice still doesn't suit. He needs to have a word with himself.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/06/2015 17:54

Unless the OP is about to post a massive drip-feed, there is no mention of any sensory issues.

CardinalRed · 29/06/2015 17:55

I am very accustomed to cooking for people with severe allergies, coeliac disease etc. none of these people would ever suggest that an event like this, being done in an ordinary (ie non-restaurant kitchen) would be an occasion for their needs to also be catered to . They'd bring their own out if courtesy and consideration.
Cooking five main courses doesn't sound like you'd have the time, space or inclination to indulge him .
He's decided not to take part in the meal, which is his choice. Surely he can ore cook his chicken breast and pop it in a Tupperware box ?

HootOnTheBeach · 29/06/2015 17:55

Lashe surely you would let your host know though and not turn down a dozen dishes??

AddToBasket · 29/06/2015 17:55

'it's not hard to do something plain'

Yeah, this time it is.

OP posts:
LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 17:56

Suburban how would she know?

Hoot I don't often tell people. I ask if they can cook something plain, I don't elaborate into why. It's not something I discuss with everyone

martikaskitchenaid · 29/06/2015 17:57

Assuming he doesn't have any major issues about food and is just being a fussy git... Get an absolutely plain cooked chicken breast from M&S. Serve it on a plate with nothing else. Do not allow him to 'try a bit' from any of the other dishes served, and make sure everyone knows he's been made a special meal because he requested something different to the main offering, so not to embarrass him by offering him any of their delicious and tempting food to taste now he's had a chance to look at it and decide that he might be able to choke some down after all.

midnightvelvetPart2 · 29/06/2015 17:57

It sounds amazing OP, you will be awash with larks tongues & peacocks & swans :)

Either fire him & invite me instead, I'll eat any or all of it :)

Get him a cold precooked chicken breast as you don't have room in the oven for another tray. What would he have done in the 12th century eh?! Tell him to get into character!

DoJo · 29/06/2015 18:00

But if you have sensory issues or any particular food restrictions, then surely the polite thing to do in a situation such as this is to either politely decline the invitation or offer to bring a dish that will suit you rather than expecting the host to accommodate your requests at an event that is obviously going to be a taxing one in terms of catering. Expecting someone who is already preparing 13 different dishes to add one just for you is pretty presumptuous, no matter the reason for being unable to enjoy the variety of food on offer.

Woooooohoooooo · 29/06/2015 18:02

Text 'I've really got my hands very full with all the courses but if he wants something different, please do pop in the kitchen and rustle it up between you guys. I won't be offended'

HootOnTheBeach · 29/06/2015 18:02

Really? You would ask someone who was already cooking this much food to make you something extra?

SuburbanRhonda · 29/06/2015 18:02

Suburban how would she know?

The OP says:

My co-host tells me he eat won't eat any of them.

Don't you think the co-host would say something at that point? You may choose not to tell people and label them as "dicks" for somehow not reading your mind about why you won't eat certain things, but the sensible, adult thing to do would be to explain why you are not prepared to eat any dish when there is such a huge choice available.

CatOfTheGreenGlades · 29/06/2015 18:02

It's not so much about the rights and wrongs of being a fusspot - my DP is a picky eater and yes it can be frustrating, but he can't help hating things.

What would really get my goat is this person agreeing to come to this meal where he won't eat anything and then you being expected to cook something extra on top of all you're doing. Angry!

If he's that ridiculously fussy about fancy food, but insists on coming when fancy food is the whole point of the occasion, the polite thing would be to say "I'd love to come but I'm afraid I'm so particular about food I won't be able to eat any of it, but I'll bring something for myself."

StatisticallyChallenged · 29/06/2015 18:03

I have sensory issues with food, but I wouldn't expect someone preparing what can only be described as a feast to do extra food for me. I've nibbled and pushed my food around my plate more times than I care to count. Stopping for chips on the way home from dinner (especially at MIL's!) is a regular occurrence.

Being "fussy" = not inherently unreasonable especially when you don't know why.
Being demanding and a PITA who expects other people to cater extra dishes for you = unreasonable.

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 18:03

Dojo it's not fair that people with food issues be excluded from social events - that would be really unfair. I often ask if they could cook something different OR if I can bring my own.

If someone's already cooking how is cooking a chicken breast PLAIN hard?

LashesandLipstick · 29/06/2015 18:05

Suburban but often people don't understand and telling them opens up a load of intrusive questions. It's a simple request, can you cook something plain yes or no. If the OP says no I would think that's unfair

JassyRadlett · 29/06/2015 18:05

OP, YANBU. The guest has two options:

  1. Recognise that their issues are their issues, politely let the host know that they'll be bringing their own food, ask whether it'll be ok to use the microwave, make it clear that it's not a reflection on the host.

2. Demand something not on the (extensive) menu and expect the host to plate it up at the same time as a complicated meal.

The reasonable option is not #2.
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