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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to keep my daughter in her bedroom until school has finished

112 replies

gamerwidow · 29/06/2015 10:54

Had a phone call from school to pick DD aged nearly 5 up from reception because she felt sick. I have picked her up and she is clearly not sick and has admitted she lied because she didn't want to be at school.

I have made her go to her room and told her that if she is too sick to be at school she is too sick to be out of bed and she has to stay there until school ends.

I need her to understand that what she did was wrong and can't be repeated but at the same time I wonder if I am being too harsh and if there is a more appropriate punishment.

She is crying upstairs at the minute and I feel awful but I can't have lying at school so she can come home.

So AIBU? Any better ideas to handle this?

OP posts:

Excitedforxmas · 29/06/2015 10:55

Id take her back to school

lougle · 29/06/2015 10:56

She's 5 years old. There is a reason she's fine this and you need to find it out. If you must 'punish' her, take her back to school!

dixiechick1975 · 29/06/2015 10:57

Take her back to school. No need for you to miss work if she is well or her to miss school. Will make the point to her loud and clear that try ins don't work. She can say sorry to the teacher.

BlackeyedSusan · 29/06/2015 10:57

plain food too.

however, why did she not want to be at school? any trouble there? would need to know this before deciding how cross to be.

dixiechick1975 · 29/06/2015 10:58

If she gets there for registration this afternoon will not have any absence at all.

TurnOverTheTv · 29/06/2015 10:59

Goodness just take her back to school!

meglet · 29/06/2015 10:59

why doesn't she want to be at school? has something unsettled her?

AlfAlf · 29/06/2015 11:00

I insist on staying in bed if I suspect they're spoofing; it makes for a really boring day off and they end up wishing they were at school! I've only had to do this once or twice with dd1, she knows better now

I agree, bring her back to school, there's plenty of the school day left.

CrystalHaze · 29/06/2015 11:01

I'd try to find out why she didn't want to be at school. Had someone been unkind to her? Was she anxious about something? Five seems young for lying just because she fancied a day off school.

bodenbiscuit · 29/06/2015 11:02

Well surely there is a reason why she doesn't want to be at school if she will go to,such lengths to avoid being there? I think I would try to get to the bottom of it. Making her stay in her room all day certainly won't help anything. Perhaps you could take her back to school and ask to see her teacher and explain that something is upsetting her. She's still so little.

Nameforsexboard · 29/06/2015 11:03

Oh bless her, she's only 5.

I wouldn't be harsh with her, is curl up with her and watch CBeebies. Tell her you're thankful she told you the truth, and see if a bit later shell open up to you about what's bothering her. Something must be if she'd go to the lengths of saying she's sick in order to come home.

Maybe she's tired?

I'd make today really gentle and if you get to the root of it talk to the teacher tomorrow about it when you go in. I certainly wouldn't see it as needing punishment or humiliation but something to be upfront with the teacher about so you can work on it together. The teacher may be aware of what's going on in class perhaps or if she's mentioned anything.

Don't leave her crying on her own. She's been honest with you and needs to know you're there for her.

CrystalHaze · 29/06/2015 11:04

Oh, and the crying: is that because she's been told off for asking to come home, or is it over something else?

If my five year old asked to come home from school with an 'alleged' illness and then was crying when they got home I'd want to find out what had happened to make them not want to stay and school and to be upset even after they'd left school.

UniS · 29/06/2015 11:04

Boring dull day in bed, sorts her out if actually I'll, doesn't reward if she is pulling a fast one.
Is there a reason she dislikes school or is she copying some one else. Mynlad a 5 would consider someone off I'll as having a nice day at home.

ChazzerChaser · 29/06/2015 11:06

What nameforsexboard said

Original poster

gamerwidow · 29/06/2015 11:08

Shes not unsettled at such but we always have a performance on a monday and friday because these are the days I have off and she wants to stay with me. She is happy at school and gets on with all her school friends it's just the initial going in she doesn't like.

I would like to take her back to school but i don't think they would take her. I did speak to the teacher before I picked her up explaining that I thought she wasn't ill and was pretending but the teacher was adamant that she was really poorly and had been to the toilet 3 times in an hour so they think she has a bug (dd said she only did wees so no upset tummy). I don't blame the teacher DD is a good actor and I wouldn't have a child back in if I thought they had a tummy bug either.

Thanks for your replies I do appreciate them.

OP posts:

BrittaTheNeedlesslyDefiant · 29/06/2015 11:08

Totally with nameforsexboard

Talk to her, poor love is only 5.

Mutley77 · 29/06/2015 11:09

My dd has done that twice and once I knew what was wrong so I spoke to the teacher on the phone and asked her to sort it! Dd stayed at school. The second time I picked her up, found out what was wrong, gave sympathy and then sorted it the next day.

She actually said she had vomited the third and most recent time as she knew that would definitely get her sent home . Again I knew what was wrong hut she probably did need an afternoon rest.

I am quite lenient because I think if they are that sad they need to say they feel ill I'd rather acknowledge it than punish and three times in six years of full time school indicates that dd doesn't see it as a quick and easy way out...

bodenbiscuit · 29/06/2015 11:11

Perhaps she's just very tired. It is coming up to the end of term and she's not even 5 yet.

JillBYeats · 29/06/2015 11:12

I always have my dc stay in bed (no tv's in their rooms) when they are off school sick - at least during school hours but mostly for the whole day. I don't want to give the impression that it is more fun at home. My mother used to do this and I thought (at the time) that she was the cruelest most un-fun Mum ever. It's funny how your view can change depending on where you're standing!

ReallyTired · 29/06/2015 11:15

Its only reception and I expect she is very tired. An afternoon in bed being bored sounds reasonable. I would also ban her from watching TV or playing computer games for 24 hours to aid her recovery. If you are concerned that she is missing out academically you could always print off some worksheets for her to do.

foolonthehill · 29/06/2015 11:15

my DS is a school refuser. Sickness/vomiting is the easy way out because if he mentions it the school flap and say 48 hours off immediately.

Be careful that you don't seem to be punishing her for being truthful. At 5 I would think that in her mind she "needed" to be at home, she told you the truth now she is upset....after all if she had kept up the pretence she would be having a lovely snuggle and sympathy from you. I agree try to find out what the problem is.

it is a long term, and she may just be exhausted...i know I am!

GingerFoxInAT0phat · 29/06/2015 11:18

My 5 yr old ds did this twice. The first time it was because his friend went home ill so he thought he would have a go.

The second time he just fancied coming home, he was telling the receptionist he was going home to play on the Xbox

He doesn't have any problems at school, is extremely confident and thought he could keep doing it. I had to have a word with his teacher that he can be manipulative and that she will know if he is every genuinely ill.

This first time I would give her the benefit of the doubt and let her downstairs to watch a bit off tv/puzzles/chill but tell her you won't be making a repeat of it.

ReallyTired · 29/06/2015 11:19

Just thinking that its a bad idea to put a five year old to bed. If my daughter sleeps in the day then she is will be up to 11pm. Better to have her downstairs sitting at a table doing lots of worksheets.

Nameforsexboard · 29/06/2015 11:20

Why on earth would you ban TV? We tend to curl small children up on the sofa with some blankets and a bottle of water with the TV on if they want it. They feel comfortable and often drift into sleep!

I'm really surprised how harsh some of the replies are.

Pastaagain78 · 29/06/2015 11:23

I know it is a faff for you, but she is still so little. Summer birthday? She doesn't legally have to be there yet. It can be hot, busy and tiring this end of term. A gentle day. It's good she told you the truth. Is she worried about transitioning to Year 1?

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