AIBU to keep my daughter in her bedroom until school has finished

[gamerwidow]

Had a phone call from school to pick DD aged nearly 5 up from reception because she felt sick. I have picked her up and she is clearly not sick and has admitted she lied because she didn't want to be at school.

I have made her go to her room and told her that if she is too sick to be at school she is too sick to be out of bed and she has to stay there until school ends.

I need her to understand that what she did was wrong and can't be repeated but at the same time I wonder if I am being too harsh and if there is a more appropriate punishment.

She is crying upstairs at the minute and I feel awful but I can't have lying at school so she can come home.

So AIBU? Any better ideas to handle this?

Do try and talk to her - in a relaxed way if possible - about why she doesn't want to be at school.

But as for keeping her in bed - perfectly reasonable. My DS has known since he was 4 that if he is home ill, then he's in bed or a blanket on the sofa, with a book or the radio, no screens at all. (No phone, no telly, no computer, no nothing.) It means he gets proper rest when he is ill, and it cuts down on bullshitting for when he's not.

Yes babyboomers Exactly I'm not sure how amazing the 'normal' school environment is actually; it's not natural, a number of dcs are actively made ill by it, the bullying, crowding, pressure and noise is an anathema to some dcs.

Bullying by other dcs and some teachers.

I nearly always make mine go to bed/stay off screentime when they are "ill". As a result, they are rarely "ill" unless properly ill. I was a child who loathed school and feigned illness at the drop of a hat, I know that I must have missed so much school and I don't think that it helped me much. The other way you could play it, is to insist that your child does some educational type work if she is off, reading book, some sums, handwriting practice etc. That way your child knows that you aren't just going to let them watch cbeebies all day and you think school is very important.

To those who are advocating the "C beebies and a cuddle" response-would you do the same on Friday? and next Monday? and the Friday after? And the Monday after that?

OP- it sounds like your LO is sorry and you've sorted it out! .

I gave mine cuddles and cbeebies or the applicable one at the time.
They soon grow out of it and it can take a while for them to settle when they are little.
It's a long day for them, the sun is shining and they don't want to be reading and writing.
you can't blame them for that, who would want to be cooped up for hours at a time?

Exactly Morethan how are you?

I'd bet she was tired - mine faked a couple of stomach aches until I worked out she was just knackered. Early to bed after some cuddles on the sofa. She sounds bright with the writing - might just have said something to give you an answer when really it's just she's tired.

I was always skiving off school by pretending to be ill when I was small. School was incredibly dull and I much preferred being at home with my Mum.

I'm not that bothered if my kids have a duvet day; all my four are/were top sets, high achievers, they just occasionally get ground down by the relentlessness of it all.

The odd day here or there is a non issue for me.

I was always faking illness. I knew I'd get scrambled eggs on toast, the soft blanket and watch all the school's programmes on bbc2. I must have driven my mam potty.

I did it because I was so bored at school, plus a bit bullied.

My kids never tried it on anyway which is just as well as I think I wrote the book on faking illnesses.

School was incredibly dull That's where the problem lies, the curriculum is ridiculous, it should be exciting and start from the child's POV e.g. talking about their shoes; drawing them, designing them, comparing them, counting them etc.

My Mum would ask what I'd been doing in school and apparently I'd tell her, "In and out of the blinking Wendy House with stupid dollies." I wasn't very good at being four.

Haha @ stupid dollies.

I don't think school should be all exciting. Life isn't like that. It's a valuable lesson to learn to cope with boredom.

Ha. I think consequences should be appropriate. Serial lying is one set of consequences. This is small time stuff.

A clear chat outlining why this is not acceptable, finding out if there's anything underlying seems appropriate, then cracking on with the day together. Well done OP.

This kid did not say to her mum' Look mum I am really, reaaly tired today I think I need a day at home '. No she lied to and manipulated the school staff into getting her own way.Of coutse she will do it again if the parent gives them cudles and attention and dvds as some of you are suggesting.

Having flashbacks here to 4 weeks off school after an operation in the 70s, with nothing to entertain me except Pebble Mill at One and Crown Court. Have barely had a sick day since [irrelevant]. I'm with TeamStinkers.

Ooooh I loved Pebble Mill and Crown Court. My favourite was Houseparty though; sort of a prototype telly Mumsnet.

FWIW I work at home now and bloody love it. I like the outside world in small, carefully controlled doses. So be careful OP that your DD doesn't grow up a wierdo like me

Lol Hechan

Maypol How many nearly 5 year olds do you know? IME there are not that many adults who are are so self aware let alone 4 yr olds

I'm TeamTinkly and Teamppeatfruit

And I loved Crown Court, too!

My DD was five this week. She has really struggled wth school. She's not really ready. She's too young and wants to stay at home with me. And every now and then I let her. Twice in the last two weeks and I really don't give a shit. At her age she's much better in school part time. We embrace sick days. And the occasional duvet days.

I only had days off when I was really sick. And I wasn't allowed to watch TV until 3.30 and CBBC came on anyway.

It would have been a massive inconvenience for me to have been off sick given mum and dad both worked.

I faked being ill once - I really just wanted a day at home and was tired - and mum was seriously unimpressed. She knew I wasn't feeling as bad as I said.

I think in your situation OP I would have done similar. To bed in her room for a little rest, then downstairs with me.

Maypol How many nearly 5 year olds do you know? IME there are not that many adults who are are so self aware let alone 4 yr olds

I have had 4 nearly 5 yr olds of my own, and at that age they would have known lying to get your own way is wrong

Stinkersmum, the only 'stupid' remarks I have noted are those that would completely 'overreact' if they found themselves in this situation.

I didn't lie to my Mother because I knew she wouldn't completely over react to behaviour that was age appropriate. The children I know that lie alot are the ones whose parents have a tendency to be melodramatic, dishing out 'consequences' all of the time. I have to physically move away from those types at parks or cafes because they're highly irritating with their 'consequences' talk!

I would get irritated with consequences talk too. Action is required. I didn't lie either, because I knew I'd be in trouble. Not get a counselling session, CBeebies and a cuddle.