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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

list of sexual partners

289 replies

maxxytoe · 27/06/2015 21:44

so i was over at my friends house earlier this evening. I don't know how we got onto the topic, but she keeps a list of her 'sexual conquests' in the notes on her iPhone in chronological order
She claims this is normal and everyone has a list
I am confused
Should I have been keeping tabs?

OP posts:

Goshthatsspicy · 28/06/2015 14:43

Yes, bee there have been posters saying just that.
I'll join them.
Under 20. Been with my husband since l was 23.
On the other hand, he has had hundreds. There is a substantial age difference between us. There was time for him to clock them up as he is older.
I mentioned earlier that my son is 16. In his group, "sleeping around" isn't really that cool for male or females. They are friends in mixed groups. That didn't happen so much when l was at school.

FryOneFatManic · 28/06/2015 14:46

I'd like to echo Saladspork.

I'm another with only one person on my list, simply because I was a late developer and when I met DP at 18, we clicked and that was it. 28+ years later.........

I enjoy sex, so if anything happens to DP, then I wouldn't worry about being a late experimenter. Safely, of course

DD and DS get the message from me that sex is fun, but just be safe and be aware of potential consequences. And that they shouldn't do anything they don't want to do (and for DS, that coercion is totally wrong, he should have respect for any partner).

I don't believe multiple partners indicates low self esteem, and would dream of judging women on their choices.

fastdaytears · 28/06/2015 14:52

bee there are tons of people saying just that. Of course life works out in one way for one person and another way for another. Some people will have lots of partners early on, others throughout their life, some one partner for ages and then become single and have many, some will mate for life and never look at another man. The point is that all these choices are valid and anyone making anyone think otherwise is going to come in for a hard time. There isn't a better or worse choice and lecturing people is not going to help your cause.

PHANTOM very good point. The judgmental thing does work both ways.

Now what this thread really needs is someone who's only had penetrative sex with their DH and with earlier boyfriends just stuck to oral sex and anal to keep themselves pure.

cathcustard · 28/06/2015 14:54

I don't have enough storage on my phone

FryOneFatManic · 28/06/2015 14:55

Okay, that should read ^wouldn't dream of judging"

I'm not proud I've only had one partner. To me it's simply how my life happened.

And I recall a girl from my schooldays. She caught an STI when she had sex for the first time. A friend of mine was given an STI from her husband.

So, to me, the idea that saving yourself for marriage will keep you safe, seems laughable. And keeping yourself for marriage just gives me the impression that some women view sex as a commodity, sort of £give me a ring and I'll give you the sex".

People make the choices that are right for them, it's that simple.

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/06/2015 15:00

Well you'll get no judgement from me Phantom. A friend from school always said that she would only kiss the man she would marry. And did.

Different strokes for different folks, no judgement needed.

RufusTheReindeer · 28/06/2015 15:01

wide

Surely that's not hygienic

Unless you antibac your bum first

Actually....

Roussette · 28/06/2015 15:03

^I am happy enough going to bed with the same man every night and I think if you have young children, seeing mummy with a different man every weekend could be very confusing.

isn't there anyone on this thread who have kept their numbers below 20 and have a stable relationship with one man??^

Bee Bee Bee. Are you imagining that most of the women on here are screwing around every weekend with the kids in the house? What are you on? I think MNers are far more sensible and in tune with their DCs than you give them credit for.

In answer to your last question. Over 20 lost count prior to marriage. Married for 30 years. Will that do you? Do I pass the moral code set by you?

Roussette · 28/06/2015 15:08

Phantom no judgement from me either. I have a very good friend with a fantastic marriage who has only slept with her husband. It works. She was very lucky. As are you and good on yer.

However, you Phantom, aren't judging those for whom it didn't work out quite like it did for you which is my point to Bee who seems to think we are all fallen women of the night.

FryOneFatManic · 28/06/2015 15:16

bee most people are well able to keep children and sex life apart.

And most people on this thread were discussing their sex lives before settling down and having kids.

Do what's right for you, but wind your neck in about other people's choices.

AnyFucker · 28/06/2015 15:24

fewer than my age and more than my shoe size

I can't remember all their names though

Wideopenspace · 28/06/2015 15:26

Well obviously I wipe down before and after.

I'm not some kind of slattern

Bogeyface · 28/06/2015 15:26

My 0.5's where one where the beer got the better of him, the mind was willing but the flesh was most certainly not. The other was when I changed my mind when I looked at him away from the dark lights and alcohol of the club. Beer goggles ahoy that night! Thankfully they fell away before I shagged him, but he didnt seem too bothered :o

LikeIcan · 28/06/2015 15:30

Less than 5 so not worth keeping a list - & 4 of them were before I married dh at 23. I'd be too scared of catching an STI these days to sleep around - HIV was only just taking off when I was young.

RufusTheReindeer · 28/06/2015 15:37

wide

Thank goodness for that

In the interests of Heath and safety can I suggest no one anti bacs their bum, it's fine on the cheeks but stings like a fucker on your more...erm...intermite bits

Just saying no real life exoerience...I might have read it somewhere...not something I would try obviously

beedeepullen · 28/06/2015 15:54

Well thats that then. But isnt the whole point in commenting on a thread all about personal opinion? Why are my opinions so wrong? I agree different strokes for different folks
maybe i dont like the fact of walking into the town centre and a group of men all able to say they have slept with me.
some of you have been with the same partner for years which i think is wonderful.
Am i so wrong for not sleeping around

Wideopenspace · 28/06/2015 15:56

no bee you are not wrong for the number of sexual partners you have chosen to have.

You are wrong for judging anyone who has made a different set of choices.

Rufus the dettol ones are fine. Erm, so I hear...

keeptothewhiteline · 28/06/2015 15:57

bee- how long have you been with your partner?

downgraded · 28/06/2015 15:58

Of course you're not wrong for not "sleeping around"

The point is, it isn't right or wrong to "sleep around". Everyone does what they choose.

Your post came across not as someone who had made their choice and was happy, but as someone who wants to shit all over other people's choices.

Which made you sound like a judgemental bitch.

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/06/2015 16:01

You're not wrong for not sleeping around Bee. You are wrong for your insulting comments to those women who have chosen differently to you.

lemmein · 28/06/2015 16:04

No Bee, calling women slags for enjoying sex is wrong and the sort of attitude which has led many women over the centuries to believe sex is something DONE to them, not something they can actively pursue and enjoy. I do not understand ANYONE giving a shit about what other people do with their bodies. Sex is fun, enjoy it with whoever you want!

Dogsarebetter · 28/06/2015 16:11

I've worked at a swingers club, this is pretty tame believe me if you ever fancy dropping in Bee just let me know

keeptothewhiteline · 28/06/2015 16:17

Interesting job dogs- what position did you have?

Dogsarebetter · 28/06/2015 16:20

tries to ignore innuendo I worked on the bar, I loved it! Although it was slightly awkward once at the end of the night when I had to say "excuse me, are you finished with these drinks?" to a couple while he's doing her from behind

Wideopenspace · 28/06/2015 16:21

So many jokes keep....

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