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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

list of sexual partners

289 replies

maxxytoe · 27/06/2015 21:44

so i was over at my friends house earlier this evening. I don't know how we got onto the topic, but she keeps a list of her 'sexual conquests' in the notes on her iPhone in chronological order
She claims this is normal and everyone has a list
I am confused
Should I have been keeping tabs?

OP posts:

CrystalHaze · 28/06/2015 13:24

we must of had the right up bringing were you are learned right from wrong

Were you so busy being 'learned right from wrong' that you forgot to go to school?

FanjoBean · 28/06/2015 13:26

And what exactly is "wrong" about it? Assuming the person in question is single and not encouraging her children to call them all Daddy, who is it hurting if she sleeps with 1 or 1001 people?

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/06/2015 13:26

Bee, there is nothing wrong with sleeping around.

I didn't need to sleep around, I did it because I enjoy sex.
I am a demon in the sack.
I have gone onto procreate. I teach my DC about real relationships, no princes in shining armour shit, I'm not a Disney princess.

Are you the duchess of Cambridge?

Wideopenspace · 28/06/2015 13:27

crystal I was going to call out the grammar, but I sat on my hands..

Branleuse · 28/06/2015 13:29

im sure i knew the names of them all at the time. I honestly cpuldnt remember them all now though, except the long term ones

lemmein · 28/06/2015 13:30

There's absolutely fuck all wrong with being a 'slag' - women are allowed to enjoy sex ya know Beedee ;)

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 28/06/2015 13:31

Haha, hahahahaha Beedee. Good one. You're joking, right?

If not, you sound like a very unpleasant, uptight, unhappy person, to me. That's just my opinion, of course. But then I also think women who slag of others for 'sleeping around' are just jealous they can't get any, must be so fugly that noone wants to do sex to them.

(Just for clarity, I am of course being quite facetious here. But see how your judgemental crap sounds the other way around?)

Garlick · 28/06/2015 13:32

OMG, bee, you're hilarious.

Those words keep was asking about? Bitch, prude, prig, bigot, sexist. Just a personal opinion btw and I think people who have opinions on how many sexual partners other people have must be seriously lacking in common sense OR maybe they just don't like sex and think no-one else should be allowed to enjoy it either.

You don't seem to know very much about STIs, bee. Did you think they build up in the system so, say you only have one sexual partner you just have a tiny bit of an STI, then get a bit more from each subsequent partner until you have enough to cause the infection?

icelollycraving · 28/06/2015 13:33

What's the story with geese? Slags?! I don't think I've anyone use that term for years.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 28/06/2015 13:33

*slag off, SLAG OFF! Bloody phone.

CrystalHaze · 28/06/2015 13:33

There's absolutely fuck all wrong with being a 'slag' - women are allowed to enjoy sex ya know Beedee ;)

Not to mention having the right to live their own life on their own terms rather than moping around in the hope that their superior bed-skills will help them ensnare and retain 'a prince in shining armour'.

CrystalHaze · 28/06/2015 13:35

Haha, hahahahaha Beedee. Good one. You're joking, right?

I'm beginning to think so. Trip trap, trip trap

LHReturns · 28/06/2015 13:35

Oh Bee, you must have such a precious jewellery box down there...

Hilarious...it took me nearly 40 years and MANY conquests (gutted I never made a list, would never remember it ALL now), to find one person I (may) want to be with (hopefully) forever. I have loved every single experience, every one was fun and consensual, and (nearly) every one was totally safe. I feel very sorry for anyone missing a fabulous and varied sex life. And I totally recognise a great sex life could be with just ONE person, or with LOTS of people. Whatever works for you.

Calling other women slags is so ridiculously inhibited and old- fashioned....beware, these 'slags' are probably the ones shagging your husband on the side (and he is loving it).

Wideopenspace · 28/06/2015 13:39

I am loving the phrase 'superior bed skills'. I'm adding it to my CV.

Would that go in the Hobbies and Interests section or the Previous Experience?

minkGrundy · 28/06/2015 13:39

Oh beedee
Sex isn't a bad thing.
Women are not the gatekeepers of sex which the men like and the women put up with.

Slag is a horrible, judgemental, sexist, hypocritical, misogynistic word.

Perhaps the women who 'sleep around' are happy, well adjusted, confident women who know their own minds and their wants and who are not bowed by the same social strictures that lead you to believe that calling another women a slut gives you the moral high ground.

Maybe they have sex because they want to. Because they enjoy it. And not because they view it as currency or a way to get someone to like them.

I would be more ashamed to hold views like yours. I am not ashamed of anything I have enjoyed doing with another single, consenting partner.

fastdaytears · 28/06/2015 13:49

Did knowing "right from wrong" not include any tolerance and acceptance?

You don't want to "sleep around" and that's totally fine by me. No one is calling you boring or frigid because, rightly, that would be totally unacceptable. Why do you need to insult people who don't share your view of the world?

On a wider point, I struggle to understand moral objections to an activity that doesn't hurt anyone. I understand why violence is immoral and parking across a driveway but who is suffering from all this shagging?

Roussette · 28/06/2015 13:52

BeeDee you are sounding like a maiden aunt from the fifties. Loosen up for goodness sake.

Why does it have STI written all over it if you practise safe sex? I've been married a long long time but prior to that I experimented. As a pp said about herself, most of it was enjoyable and fun and for those experiences that weren't, I learnt from it. My now adult DDs who are better behaved than their mother at their age have had their experiences too. They don't talk about it with me but they have had numerous LTRs between them and I'm glad for them. Believe it or not, they - and me - have a strong moral code, know right from wrong, and we are all strong independent women who have self confidence.

Do you have daughters BeeDee? If so, I just hope you aren't inflicting these views on them and they end up settling for the first man they sleep with. I want my DDs to experiment so that they know what they want. And what they don't want.

Goshthatsspicy · 28/06/2015 13:53

This thread is interesting.
My son is yr11, it isn't considered all that cool to sleep around - no matter what your sex. I'm 43, with siblings in their 20's saying similar.
I've noticed that boys and girls find it much easier to be friends, and just hang out - without the need to sleep with all/any if them.
My age group seems to have been ' at it' more.

fastdaytears · 28/06/2015 13:53

wideopen either would work but make sure you provide references...

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 28/06/2015 13:57

I've got a "guy I threw up on and still had sex with me" on my list. Oh to be young and stupid again.
If people want to call me a slag or whore that is fine. That's their opinion.

I've been with my H for nearly a decade so I haven't been "whoring" around for a while.

The past is the past. I can look back on it and laugh.

2rebecca · 28/06/2015 14:00

I can't remember (I was a student in the 80s and we were a promiscuous bunch). No tally and now with some of my brief flings can't remember if I slept with them or not, not that it matters. It was fun at the time.

beedeepullen · 28/06/2015 14:01

No defo not, I also think men who sleep around are disgusting too.

okay so you got to kiss a few frogs to finds your prince.
but you don't need to sleep with every tom dick and harry.

its all about setting a example for the next generation.
I personally wish I had waited until I was married before I had sex. which was a mistake on my behalf but whats done is done.
but I will hopefully learn my 2 DD differently.

if that makes me a bad person for not choosing to sleep around or having little respect for men or woman who do so then I guess I am a bad person.

YES have fun. you only get one life so live it to the full.
but surely people can find happiness with one person and then you can have as much sex as you like.
I just don't understand why so many different partners is needed.

I think it all depends on how you are brought up personally

limitedperiodonly · 28/06/2015 14:03

I've had boyfriends I had sex with whose names I can't remember. I've also had boyfriends that I can't remember whether we had full sex or not. There are boyfriends I'd rather forget.

What I find curious is that some people find all sex deeply meaningful.

To me it's a - mostly - enjoyable activity.

I don't think it's wrong for them to regard sex as a uniquely spiritual experience as long as they realise their view is personal and not universal.

Perhaps they could pay the rest of us the same courtesy.

x2boys · 28/06/2015 14:04

i have a mental list of 20 so not loads but not virginal either i have been with dh 10 years i have a few 0.5 too not sure what they would add up too!Dh doesnt know my number or me his we would rather not know!

NeutralNameChange · 28/06/2015 14:05

Hmmm I used to have a list but gave up at some point I reckon my number is around 100 or so never discussed it with DH. I most definitely do not have a self esteem problem and I am fantastic in the sack thank you very much I just really love sex.

The guy hung like a pringles can

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