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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get married in jeans?

282 replies

SusiePaloozie · 24/06/2015 10:23

I'm 42 years old...we're getting married in a hot country (DHs home country) and it won't be a formal affair...it will be in the garden..not during the hottest months but in Spring. I'm too old for floaty hippy style and the affair will be too relaxed for any of the wedding dresses aimed at older brides.

I thought I could wear some really nice jeans and a gorgeous white top...maybe a flower in hair and some fabulous shoes.
..
Essentially the whole day will be a BBQ with friends and family....I will feel daft in a formal dress....I hate those 50s style tea dresses...and don't really want to buy a long or formal frock when I will never wear it again!

I have a good figure and look nice in jeans...I have no desire to be a princess for the day ...I've worked as an actor for years and have had loads of chances to wear big dresses....AIBU though?

OP posts:
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SylvaniansAtEase · 24/06/2015 12:19

Sylvanian I don;'t see that at all....women in their 40s wear jeans all the time and it's not about being "whacky" but about being happy

Yes women in their 40s wear jeans all the time, and they look fab, but they generally don't wear them to weddings. Wearing jeans to a wedding to me shouts 'I am so alternative and cool, I really just don't care, nobody would ever wear jeans to a wedding but I am' - which to me seems teeangerish. It's the opposite of relaxed: it's as if you're trying mega hard to be alternative and different and... wacky. Which is an awful note to hit, generally.

Note: I am NOT saying that that's what you are trying to do! You say your friends won't think you silly so there's the answer on that one - it's fine. They will know you and will see why it's something you would be happy with. Absolutely fine, then! Like others, I'm just offering up my thoughts, what I'd conclude, which is presumably what you want - to canvass opinions in general.

Like I said before, the absolute most important thing is that you go with what you want. You seem really sold on the idea - fab. Far better than feeling lukewarm about your own wedding day. Go for it and have a great day x

FreudiansSlipper · 24/06/2015 12:20

Jeans sounds great

I went to a wedding it was all very casual only knew about it the week before bride did wear a dress but nothing fussy (one she wore before and since)

There was something incredibly romantic about their being no fuss they wanted to get married and that was what mattered then we all went for a nice meal

diddl · 24/06/2015 12:20

Is there such a thing as really nice jeans?

I mean jeans are just jeans.

There's lots between jeans & a formal dress, it doesn't have to be one or the other!

sherbetpips · 24/06/2015 12:22

If you dont like a wedding dress how about just a great dress? seems a shame to celebrate such a special day in your every day wear imo

sleeponeday · 24/06/2015 12:24

I think that sounds lovely. And really good jeans are so flattering - it's why the price tag is stratospheric! Feeling like yourself on your wedding day matters, IMO, whether in a huge white dress or a sarong. What matters is that you feel good, and you marry the right person!

Congratulations, and good luck for your day and the future.

NoMilkNoSugar · 24/06/2015 12:25

I think you need to ask your DP, how he would feel if you turn up to say your vows in your jeans. I know I would be gutted if my DP did that even if he had bought a designer shirt to go with them. I'm in agreement with you that a big white dress in a garden ceremony isn't right but maybe I'm just traditional and think, you ought to put some effort into it for each other.

Oleaginous · 24/06/2015 12:26

I think the OP knows her friends, and whether they would be likely to show up in morning suits and fascinators, aghast at her jeans!

I'm a bit surprised people seem to be focusing on the guests being made to feel uncomfortable by a casually-dressed bride and groom! Are you all only used to quite formal weddings in dress terms? Maybe my friends are more unusual than I thought. I've been to a registry office where the bride and groom were both in surgical scrubs because they were both on shift at a nearby hospital, and a civil partnership where both brides were in converse and tee shirts and the reception was at a rather grand country hotel. And the wedding we're going to in a fortnight has the groom in shorts and the bride in a yellow sundress.

In my experience people don't default to morning suits...?

swimmerforlife · 24/06/2015 12:29

I would find it a bit naff tbh, like you were just popping to the shops.

A lot of people will make an effort to turn up, buy a present, outfit, travel etc and then you are just going to turn up in jeans. It would seem like you couldn't be arsed to make an effort.

And even if you just put casual, a lot of people, like myself will go formal anyway.

Oleaginous · 24/06/2015 12:29

Gosh, NoMilk, you would have been disgusted if you were marrying me. I wore jeans, biker boots and a Norwegian fisherman's jumper.

MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 12:31

I've been to a registry office where the bride and groom were both in surgical scrubs because they were both on shift at a nearby hospital

Now that is way more attention seeking than any big white frock could ever be.

'Look at us, we're saving lives and we're in love'.

Gimme a break.

ebwy · 24/06/2015 12:33

your wedding, your choice.

if you will be happier in jeans and a nice top, do it.

if you will be happier in floor-length skirt and a goth top, do it (I did and don't regret it)

6cats3gingerkittens · 24/06/2015 12:34

And they were both at WORK!

MissMuesli · 24/06/2015 12:35

Mitzy Grin

I've been to a mix but there was generally some clue as to how formal the informal the wedding was going to be. Either written into the invite or just the style or other things before the wedding.

If OP wants to wear jeans then fine (although still not my taste) I just think she should coordinate with DP and let her guests know.

drudgetrudy · 24/06/2015 12:35

I think its fine to wear what you are comfortable in but agree that you should tell guests that its very informal dress.
You may not care what they wear but there is nothing worse than feeling over-dressed and out of place.

Agree with some of the people who think that your responses sound a bit like you want a fight-although its hard to read tone in written conversations.

Original poster
SusiePaloozie · 24/06/2015 12:38

NoMilk DH really won't give a bugger. He just wants to get married. Our friends would NEVER think it was "try hard" they're not like that...they're very unjudgemental and won't give a shit what I wear. I don't care what they wear either! I should perhaps have pointed out that most of our mates don't lead conventional lives...many are artists and performers and if I said I wanted to get married nude then they'd say "Great!" and then wear what they wanted to.

OP posts:
Original poster
SusiePaloozie · 24/06/2015 12:39

Oh my God. HOW many posters are going to tell me to "tell the guests" Hmm I will!

OP posts:
Oleaginous · 24/06/2015 12:40

Attention-seeking wasn't involved. What a weird assumption. They needed to get married ASAP (immigration issues), and got someone to cover for them and ran out for 20 minutes from UCH to the St Pancras reg office which had a daytime cancellation. They only got the cancellation a few days before the ceremony, so no possibility of switching shifts.

I was a witness because I was working at the BL across the road. The other witness was a nurse. No other guests to be attention-seeking at.

MitzyLeFrouf · 24/06/2015 12:42

It's not a weird assumption. A perfectly logical one in fact seeing as you hadn't provided the detailed backstory.

MorrisZapp · 24/06/2015 12:43

Do you mind me asking why you started this thread, OP?

OrangeVase · 24/06/2015 12:47

Jeans and a nice top and fabulous shoes - that sounds lovely. Happy, comfortable, "you"! Perfect for an informal wedding. Go for it. Enjoy your day - and congratulations.

NoMilkNoSugar · 24/06/2015 12:50

Well if he doesn't care, go for what your both comfortable in.

Or if you look good in jeans have you thought about a nice playsuit with killer heels? And, whatever you do, tell your guests! Grin

Oleaginous, did you have matching jumpers on? I imagine that would have made a very festive Christmas card. Grin

Original poster
SusiePaloozie · 24/06/2015 12:52

Morris no...I don't mind you asking.

OP posts:
SorchaN · 24/06/2015 12:53

I went to a wedding where nearly everyone was in jeans: the guests, the minister, and the brides (it was a lesbian wedding). It was outdoors, early in the morning, and I really enjoyed the casual approach!

I can't help thinking that what you wear on the day you get married is somewhat insignificant, given that the point of the ceremony is to publicly acknowledge your commitment to your partner, and your partner's commitment to you. I'm sure you'll look lovely and feel comfortable in jeans, and you'll be able to focus on your partner and not on your attire.

(I got married in a huge meringue and hadn't thought it through - I needed two helpers just to go for a pee...)

OurGlass · 24/06/2015 12:54

Naff

Summerisle1 · 24/06/2015 12:55

You've had a range of opinions to ponder on, OP and clearly, you feel perfectly secure about the choice you've already made. So wear the jeans and have a lovely wedding day. But perhaps draw the curtains down over this particular drama. It's all getting rather self-indulgent.

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