To get married in jeans?

[SusiePaloozie]

I'm 42 years old...we're getting married in a hot country (DHs home country) and it won't be a formal affair...it will be in the garden..not during the hottest months but in Spring. I'm too old for floaty hippy style and the affair will be too relaxed for any of the wedding dresses aimed at older brides.

I thought I could wear some really nice jeans and a gorgeous white top...maybe a flower in hair and some fabulous shoes.
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Essentially the whole day will be a BBQ with friends and family....I will feel daft in a formal dress....I hate those 50s style tea dresses...and don't really want to buy a long or formal frock when I will never wear it again!

I have a good figure and look nice in jeans...I have no desire to be a princess for the day ...I've worked as an actor for years and have had loads of chances to wear big dresses....AIBU though?

I got married in jeans, OP, but just in a registry office in London, with strangers as witnesses. We didn't take photos, but I think I had a big Norwegian jumper on with them, and biker boots. Which is probably not the look you were going for...

But I think more people should get married casually, and blow money on the fun bits - and women shouldn't necessarily feel they need to shoehorn themselves into strapless white fishtail dresses, as though it's an inevitable part of the wedding process. I'm going to a wedding next month, which is happening in a field, and the bride, who is 40, is wearing a yellow sundress and flowers in her hair.

Oleaghious yes...I totally respect that for some women, the dress is really important and they're happy to spend on it but I'm not....it doesn't matter that much as long as I feel nice...I always feel good in jeans, heels and a lovely top...the wedding won't be traditional apart from the fact that people will be there and we;ll eat, drink and dance...so it feels odd to go down the trad route of the dress just "Because that's what you do"

Did anyone say anything negative to you about your choices? Sounds fabulous to me...I love Norwegian style jumpers and bikers boots too!

No, we didn't invite anyone! Or tell them about it for months, come to think of it - there was a lot going on at the time!

What kind of look would you ideally be going for, Susie? Are we talking skinnies/boyfriend jeansand converse, or more 'formal'-looking jeans with heels? Floaty chiffon blouse or bandeau with something impressive as a necklace?

Jeans great - but tell your guests and especially the wedding party. Nothing more likely to piss off a bunch of people trussed up in their finery then a bride in jeans.

Other options though

• white palazzo trousers but not linen
• what about a jumpsuit
• tailored cropped trousers think Audrey Hepburn
• White shift or modern style dress
• or frankly any of the above not in white

Och who knows head over to S&B they'll sort you out

I'd go for a lightweight long skirt as being more comfortable than jeans, but it's up to you.

I would do it but make sure guests are aware so they can dress informally as well. Congratulations.

Of course wear jeans or whatever you want but, as others have said, please make it absolutely clear to your guests that it is a very informal dress code.
Personally I loathe dressing up but would probably make a bit of an effort for a wedding but would be annoyed if I turned up in something reasonably smartish and the bride was in jeans .

I would probably wear my hippy style maxi dress ......... and I am pushing 60 - is that too old ?

Oleag more formal...no necklace...I look best in higer neckllines and have a small bust.

Yak I will tell the guests but there won't be a Wedding Party to tell...people will just come....Palazo pants look shocking on me...I'm too small...no dress not even a shift. I've started a thread in S&B

Rag nope 60 is not too old for a hippy style maxi! I just don't like wearing dresses...the friends we have are very relaxed anyway...I;ve been to weddins with them and they almost never really dress up....they will be told though just in case.

speak to people you expect to be there. From a UK point of view, everything may seem super casual all the time. But from a local point of view,jeans casual for a wedding might be a step too far. I am from a hot and sunny place. A BBQ wedding would still imply dressing up in summer dresses, or linen trousers and that sort of thing. if folks there seem unbothered, go for it. If you dont care about bothering people, go for it. Though either way, let everyone know you intend to be that casual. if not told otherwise, I would stress over finding the right sort of thing, assuming I couldnt wear jeans.

Do it! I've never had that urge to be a bride and hate dressy occasions. We got married in Australia and I wore a white dress (nothing fancy, just £100 from Monsoon) and H wore a linen suit but I really wished we'd just stayed in shorts and t-shirts as we felt a bit silly. We didn't have any guests so it would have been even more appropriate for us to stay as we were, we just did it for the photos. We got changed back into our comfortable clothes as soon as we could.

I wore jeans when I got married, nobody was in the least bit surprised.

It's your wedding, wear what you feel comfortable in.

No problem, the most important thing is that you do what you want - it's your wedding!

So there ^^ is the correct answer. HOWEVER, as you asked for opinions, if you want to know what I think - I think it will look childish. You think you're too old for floaty hippie at 42? You aren't... but you are DEFINITELY too old for what will look like a 'wacky' teenage take on a wedding. And if your DH to be is there in cool smart casual beside you I think you could look really silly. I honestly think you'd have to arrange with him to wear jeans too, or be prepared for a lot of puzzled faces along the lines of 'Why hasn't she changed? She IS? Oh! Oh - well you look LOVELY of course'

You should absolutely wear what you want to wear. I do think jeans are a bit uncelebratory though especially as you're inviting guests and having a bit of a party. If it was just the two of you nipping down the registry office I could understand.

Wear what you like. Seriously. The only person who might regret (or not!) wearing jeans is you.

What I would suggest is that you give your guests the heads up about how informal the wedding will be. Only there's nothing worse than turning up looking wildly overdressed only to realise that you could have worn something you were much more comfortable in!

Mom a "step too far" for what though? It's my wedding....I know my friends too.

Sylvanian I don;'t see that at all....women in their 40s wear jeans all the time and it's not about being "whacky" but about being happy.....my friends won't think me silly either. It's not about how I look to me...obviously I want to look nice but it IS about celebrating and making things official.

I think you need to communicate with your husband to be and your guests what your intentions are. It's going to be awkward if some guests turn up in jeans too, and others turn up on wedding wear. Similarly if you wear jeans and your husband wears a suit.

I personally would hate to get married in jeans, and would feel a bit awkward at such a casual wedding but it's your day. If I was wanting to go more casual than a wedding dress I would go for a maxi dress. I have good boobs but don't really like my legs. You can get quite plain ones tht won't look too dressy (I know you don't want a dress by the way, just what I would do if I didn't want to wear a full on wedding dress).

Miss I don't care if others wear jeans though and tbh DH will probably wear some linen shorts and a t shirt...I don't care if he wears an evening gown to be frankk!

Why would you feel awkward at a casual wedding?

Mom a "step too far" for what though? It's my wedding....I know my friends too.

So then why ask the question? Just to rebuke any and all suggestions or to seek confirmation?

I say wear jeans then. Don't ask us what cut or style as no doubt you'll take issue with any suggestions. You can go as you like as it's your wedding but it's rather unreasonable to be on the defensive having asked others to comment.

I am going to go out on a limb and say don't wear jeans.

You could literally wear jeans every day of your life as I do and this is a chance to go a bit freestyle. Definitely don't wear something you don't feel comfortable in, but it's your wedding, so it's ok to go a bit out of your comfort zone in order to feel special.

What about:

Cotton skinnies in a summer colour: peppermint, lilac, yellow? With peasant top?

Maxi dress is a good call. There are SO many to chose from and Monsoon, White Stuff etc defintely cater to over 35's. You will get the bohemian thing you like without feeling ridiculous.

Long maxi skirt with crochet/lace/cotton tee. Pretty sandals and messy up do?

Why don't you book a personal shopper at one of the big department stores and give them your brief? If you don't like anything, you have jeans to fall back on.

That is true, why ask and then get snippy?

Been why does anyone ask anything here? This is an opinion AIBU....if I don't agree I can say so....just because it'sAIBU doesn't mean I have to lie down and accept everything.

Something along these lines is perfectly suitable for someone of 42.

A bit boho but not ridiculous.

No you might not care who wears what but your guests might if they feel as though they have got it "wrong". And as for feeling awkward I just mean in the example where it seems as though everyone might end up quite being quite different in terms of dressiness.

Susie no-one says that you have to "lie down and accept everything." In the main, AIBU is a very popular forum because of the plethora of views on offer. If we all agreed all the time it'd be tumbleweed around here.

You, however, are coming across as defensive, already set in your opinion/ideas and thus coming across as very dismissive. It's ultimately your choice, I can't imagine any of us staging an MN intervention on your wedding day to drag you out of your jeans so just wear jeans and be done with it.