To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

[QueenBean]

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

*by another person

OP, only on MN are people so easy going about what in real life would be grounds for being utterly pissed off! I'm sure half the posters are contrary for the sake of it. Of course anyone would be hacked off if half their expensive theatre seat was being taken up by another oversized human being! You are TOTALLY NBU.

It's like obese people taking up two seats on public transport. Stand up ffs, don't be so selfish. In 90% of cases (and I'm being generous here) it's an individual's lifestyle choice to be overweight.

Last year I had great theatre tickets for a show I had been excited to see, but I had a bad cough and I knew my coughing throughout the show would prevent others from enjoying the experience, so I didnt go. It wasn't my fault I had a cough, but I didn't want to spoil everyone else's evening. That's not me being a martyr, it's just plain common sense and decency. If your size impacts on others negatively, of course you should take that into consideration when booking theatre or travel. Book two friggin seats, or here's a contraversial suggestion, lose some bloody weight !

I don't know about it being "almost never" true that you can't control your weight. It is certainly sometimes not true.

My DF is obese because he drink too much beer. He can definitely control that.

The problem is that of course you don't know who falls into which category, and it wouldn't really have helped the OP to know.

Where are all your theatres and cinemas with seats that have arm rests that raise like train seat arm rests? Which would allow for the monumentally idiotic suggestion of buying two seats.

I've never seen them.

I'm about to slit my wrists because people in general are so fucking horrible, but before I do I just want to say that obesity is ALWAYS a symptom of something else - whether that's diabetes medicine or mental illness of some sort.

I can actually understand being annoyed that someone impinges on your space but no more so than all the other irritating things that humans do. It's LIFE.

And it's easier to show some fucking compassion and empathy than it is to miraculously cure yourself of the cause of obesity.

Waiting for the 2% of people who have a medical reason they cant control their weight to now form 98% of replies.

Many very common conditions cause difficulty controlling weight, whether through restricting ability to exercise, financially and physically restricting access to work/leisure leaving food as an accessible pleasure, hormonal changes due to stress and sleep patterns, or depleting willpower resources leaving people vulnerable to overeating.

In addition, many of the most commonly prescribed drugs, including drugs for mental health problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, epilepsy, arthritis, asthma, and other common conditions can cause weight gain.

The former are all variations on a lack of willpower. The latter are indeed medical conditions, some (all?) of which could be improved by exercise.

Yanbu. I would have been annoyed. The problem with manyy theatres is that they are old and the seat sizes and legroom are more suited to shorter and slimmer audiences.

Secretnutella, our fairly new Vue cinema has raising arm rests.

Id have been upset too. Quite likely not the man's fault he is obese but sorry, he should have made proper seating arrangements for himself. You can normally see theatre seating/maps online to help you with booking your seat. In his situation Id have chosen a box - far more comfortable for him anyway

Its a theatre situation, a supposedly enjoyable night out I doubt Id have been sitting there running through my mind the reasons why this man may be obese, his life etc. Id just want to see the show and enjoy the atmosphere, treat, good seats etc end of story . So I think YANBU

Im not sure about putting your thoughts up in here tho OP - your "upset" possibly wouldn't be deemed very pc

They don't, obviously But neither does the armrest act as a magical barrier that stops the rest of you spilling over into the adjacent seat - that's what the second seat is for. Or buy 3 if you need to and sit (predominently) in the middle one.

I don't think YABU to be cheesed off OP, I would have been annoyed too. It spoiled your treat. This has happened to me with a very large woman at the panto. I could barely move. and there were plenty of empty seats she could have asked to move to/been asked to use instead, she was not even end of row. The faff of everyone standing up to let her through to her seat was a real pain and I had to sit with my elbows wedged right in against me as I could not move. I don't think I'd start a MN thread about it though!

And it's easier to show some fucking compassion and empathy than it is to miraculously cure yourself of the cause of obesity.

Not for everyone, judging by this thread.

I can understand feeling uncomfortable. I can't understand that discomfort moving into feeling disgust and actually pissed off.

It's a shame you chose to let this man's weight affect your enjoyment of a nice birthday event.

And it is a choice.

Well part if living in society is that not everyone fits in to society norms (whatever they are) and either you accept that and get on with things or you complain that those others are spoiling things for you

Personally I would rather be within the realm of societies norms life is much easier once you get your head around that bring empathic should come much easier

FFS - the lack of tolerance on here is astounding. Yes, am sure it was irritating at the time - as is being stuck behind someone who is 6ft 8 - but it's a public venue.

The former are all variations on a lack of willpower.

I'll make sure to remind DH his restricted ability to exercise is a matter of willpower next time his arthritis flares up and he screams with pain getting up the stairs (takes about ten minutes).

The effects of stress and poor sleep on cortisol levels (and hence weight) are well-documented also.

When it comes to will-power, it's been shown experimentally that humans have a certain portion of willpower to apply and no more. People who have been required to exert willpower are less successful at subsequently resisting temptation.

I'm not arguing that there's nothing people can do about their weight or that exercise and maintaining be healthy weight aren't helpful for people with medical conditions. I'm not even taking a position on theatre seats. I'm just confused as to why people are willing to concede medical reasons exist but then claim the numbers are minuscule.

Op doesn't need to "consider the causes of his obesity" or "have some compassion" Whatever the cause, his excess weight spilled over onto her seat and caused her discomfort.
She was not being judgemental about the weight itself; just where it impacted on those around him. I would have been exactly the same.

Really? Could you understand the OP's discomfort moving into disgust and anger if someone who wasn't obese forced themselves into her seat?

No. I still couldn't understand getting angry about this. It would be a WTF situation, but to actually feel anger? No chance.

OP you sound like a spoiled princess who needs life to be just perfect all the time. I suggest you go and live in a bubble where the life choices of others are not able to ruin your fun.

I just know that if the person next to you had been disabled and stimming or shouting through the performance, you'd have also complained. What an ugly personality trait.

Unfortunately you live on a small island with a lot of different people. You need to learn how to get on with them.

No FloggingMolly. She didn't need to have compassion. Still doesn't. Nobody ever needs to have compassion about anything, ever, as it goes. Want to live in that world do you?

I can have compassion where it's warranted, plant. It doesn't extend to someone who books a seat in a venue knowing that one seat won't contain him and he'll also need half of mine.
It's not his weight that's the issue, as such. Just the fact that he'd deposit some of it in my lap.