To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

[QueenBean]

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

For them, yes. You'd think it would give a bit of empathy but sometimes not.

How can I be clearer about it.

Not everyone on the thread is unreasonable.

Those who are fat bashing and using pejorative language are

Fanjo I'm obese. I have had no success whatesoever in losing weight. And I do know both my place (it's not on someone elses seat) and my own mind, thank you very much.

vvega I'm not a victim and my eating habits are none of your damn business. And I'm friends with all my friends due to their lovely personalities by the way. Do you pick your thin friends cause they accessorise your outfit?

Fanjo, you must be on the wind up

I don't care if the person is fat, thin, short or tall - I still don't want them encroaching on my space, to the extent that their flesh is pressed up really tight against, me for hours on end.

How many times.

Not on wind up.

Not calling not wanting to be squashed fat bashing.

Am calling use of pejorative language fat bashing.

If you didn't use it then I am not meaning you.

Why is this so hard to understand.

Not spelling it out again.

Barbarianmum fine..your mind can obviously think whatever it wants.

What I actually said was that the fat bashes only like obese people who wouldn't sit beside them.

Wish people would actually read what I am saying and stop getting huffy

Ooh a PA surprise surprise crossed out. How juvenile.

I am not being obtuse. I am speaking honestly.

Anyone notably obese would do well to avoid a holiday in the Maldives involving a sea plane transfer.
The planes are small, varying between 12 and 18 passengers and careful weight distribution is vital. Anyone particularly large is weighed on the same scales as the luggage, publicly.
That's fat shaming.

Anyway I said all I have to say. When it starts getting personal with the wee crossed out digs I cBA.

You can have hundreds more posts of fat shaming. Even though OP agreed ages ago she was B a bit U

Well boohoo.

Anyway as I said I CBA with the personal comments especially from those who namechange and then make digs about my posting style knowing it can't be done back

So cheerio :)

You can have hundreds more posts of fat shaming. Even though OP agreed ages ago she was B a bit U

I admitted that I felt bad for the guy, and that I should have a bit more empathy for other people's crap situations. But I do still feel fundamentally the same - aggrevied about the situation. Well I did anyway, I am over it now!!

I feel just as pissed off that you keep droning on about 'fat shaming' when there hasn't been any.

Now who's being obtuse?

Amongst some serious and reasonable discussion on here, there is some fat shaming.

It would, IMO be healthier for everyone if we could discuss issues of weight without reference to "flab" and grossness. In fact the language itself is interesting - the fact that we use the word "gross" in various ways, few of them neutral or flattering.

It's annoying to pay for a seat and then not be able to use it comfortably because the person next to you spills over into it. You don't need to talk about flab, disgust or being forced to press against someone's flesh. You can just say you want to use the space you paid to use. Similarly you do not need to talk about someone's eating habits. Oh, it might just be that they are greedy. It might be that they have a very complex and difficult relationship with food for any number of reasons. People use food for comfort, they sometimes eat to gain attention. It may be that the only praise they got as a child was for eating. We have evolved to eat a lot and carry excess as fat to burn during the lean times. The trouble is we now have ready access to a lot of calories and very few lean times (in the affluent west). So that evolutionary capacity to store fat is now not doing us any favours.

It would help to discuss this and understand it without refer to flab and sweat. If you want people to lose weight, they're unlikely to do it if you first totally undermine their self confidence.

Anyone notably obese would do well to avoid a holiday in the Maldives involving a sea plane transfer.
The planes are small, varying between 12 and 18 passengers and careful weight distribution is vital. Anyone particularly large is weighed on the same scales as the luggage, publicly.
That's fat shaming

That's being sensible. Who wants to be on a plane that could potentially crash because someone is too heavy?

Also, never go on a Gondola in Venice if you are overweight. They are very forthright in telling large passengers to 'move', so as to spread the weight evenly and not have the gondola capsize.

We were standing watching on the Grand Canal, and all the Gondolas with overweight people in, had them sat down the one end - away from the other people. (it must have been embarrassing to be told - you can't sit there - you're too big), but they have to do what they have to do.
They don't pussyfoot around like us.
I did feel a bit sorry for them. It must have been humiliating.

They don't mess about in those countries.
We are actually more tolerant than most.

"That's being sensible. Who wants to be on a plane that could potentially crash because someone is too heavy?"

Weighing passengers on small planes is sensible. Weighing them publically with luggage is fat shaming.

As a horse rider I wouldn't let riders above a certain weight on my horse (neither would I let lighter-weight but more novice riders bounce around on him). Riding schools often have weight limits and they can and do weight some riders. But whenever I've known them do this, it's been in private and been between the instructor and the weighee. Weight can be an issue without acting in a way that makes someone feel publically ashamed.