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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

549 replies

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 12:16

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenBean · 23/06/2015 12:50

beufortbelle

It was last night

OP posts:
Pepperpot99 · 23/06/2015 12:50

YABU. It's annoying that your view/comfort was affected but that's life. Our comfort and personal space is affected and impacted every day by all manner of things. I get the tube into work and every day it's a squeeze but I suck it up.
I am quite short so going to the cinema/theatre etc usually means I am stuck behind someone taller than me. I don't start threads about it though .

GinBunny · 23/06/2015 12:51

I do feel sorry for you OP, the seats are small at the theatre whether you are obese or not. DH is 6'+ so we have to book seats on the end of the row to fit his legs in. And I'm just over 5' and get the rage at the tall person who always sits in front of me Angry

It grates whether you've spent a lot of money or not - I want to see the show not the back of someone's head!

Original poster
QueenBean · 23/06/2015 12:51

lantien

Those are all good points that I hadn't considered, you may indeed be right

OP posts:
GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 23/06/2015 12:52

Yanbu but this is mn where people are so perfect and will find you UR. Most people would definitely be irritated in rl.

Precisely. What is the point of going to something that is meant to be enjoyable if you're unable to actually fit into the seat?

I suspect in the UK where a quarter of adults are obese, quite a lot of venues will have made provisions at this point. It's certainly not a case that they have to remain shut-ins.

ShanghaiDiva · 23/06/2015 12:53

Perhaps he also wanted to participate in the show and therefore did no want a seat in a box.

Agree with previous poster who said every time you are in a public place you risk being irritated by the behaviour of others - a degree of tolerance is necessary in life.

AudiR8 · 23/06/2015 12:53

I went to the cinema with my DM last year and I was 24 stone, I hadn't realised how small the seats were and it was a squeeze, I was so uncomfortable and I did feel sorry for the woman who was sat next to me. I was shuffling about to make sure that I didn't invade her space too much. I didn't realise how big I was and I felt embarrassed and horrified all the way through the showing. I've lost 7 stone now and I'm still losing it.

Trust me OP, he would have been as horrified as you were.

60sname · 23/06/2015 12:54

I for one would have found this invasion of my space incredibly irritating and this would definitely have limited my sympathy for him. Agree with DoughDoe that there would have been ways around this.

(Added to this of course the fact that a lot of older theatres' seating is not designed for even average-sized modern people.)

BeaufortBelle why don't you just c&p that incredibly helpful response into any or all threads on AIBU (or MN for that matter?)

Roseotto · 23/06/2015 12:58

There is always something in these old theatres. The person in front is too tall, or the couple are leaning in together. Once I had a woman with a bun on top of her head falling asleep constantly so the bun waggled back and forth in my line of sight and ruined the entire second half. A cougher or an eater., or someone who laughs loudly at inappropriate moments throughout. I sympathise but honestly if not this it would have been something else! All part of the fun of mingling with the great British public :)

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 23/06/2015 13:02

There is always something in these old theatres.

I'm not sure I agree with this, I've had pretty good luck in my London theatre-going experience. Occasionally a small bit of the screen/stage is blocked by someone's head, and that's about the worst that I'd be willing to accept if I were paying £80/ticket.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 23/06/2015 13:06

I'd have been irritated.

I'd have been irritated by someone smelly, noisy, munching etc.

But I don't think it's the theatre's fault so I don't see why they'd give you a ticket for another show.

It is I suppose the overweight man's fault. You said yourself he seemed embarrassed - he's probably wanted to draw as little attention to himself as possible. Maybe he didn't realise there were other options available.

Yes it's annoying, but he hasn't deliberately spoiled your night.

That's the thing with public places - there's always a risk someone else might infringe on your enjoyment. A pain when it happens but...

Delphine31 · 23/06/2015 13:08

OP, I agree with your basic point that you should be able to sit comfortably in the seat you paid for (though regardless of cost).

Political correctness has gone mad when you can't even expect to not have to share half your seat with someone else.

SorchaN · 23/06/2015 13:08

You can control being so fat

This is almost never true.

plantsitter · 23/06/2015 13:09

Did the man know it was your birthday? Perhaps he would have acknowledged that the very existence of part of himself was out of order had he known it was your birthday. Maybe he would've thought 'usually I really enjoy being morbidly obese, but as it's QueenBean's birthday I'll quickly sort myself out and lose the excess weight, or stay at home, because after all everyone has the right to exactly the circumstances they want on their birthday and I wouldn't want to spoil hers by being out of the house. On her birthday.'

Just grow up and deal with it. You have to assume that everybody, at somepoint in their lives, will rely on the good nature of other people - whether it's paying for your operation on the NHS, being kind about your kid's tantrum or just putting up with your fat arse.

Mrsjayy · 23/06/2015 13:09

Yanbu having somebody in your space is uncomfortable for everybody I had an overweight woman next to me at a concert recently i was squashed by her arms and side so i paid 60 odd quid for a half seat how is that fair

WixingMords · 23/06/2015 13:09

Bit of an issue this situation really. One that's going to be encountered more and more. Venues need to have a way to deal with it

What would have happened if the OP was also morbidly obese?

MrsV2012 · 23/06/2015 13:10

I haven't flown in around 5 years, but remember clearly returning from a holiday with DCs, and being charged Baggage Allowance. I gather because the extra weight has to be accounted for?
Should this not the same as the Theatregoer? If extra allowances need to be made for someone's extra weight impacting on the travel/event/general surroundings- should they also not need to pay allowances for that?

won't mention that morbidly obese people aren't charged for their extra weight on a plane, but regular sized people with extra luggage are. Getting my coat

RealHuman · 23/06/2015 13:14

Waiting for the 2% of people who have a medical reason they cant control their weight to now form 98% of replies.

Many very common conditions cause difficulty controlling weight, whether through restricting ability to exercise, financially and physically restricting access to work/leisure leaving food as an accessible pleasure, hormonal changes due to stress and sleep patterns, or depleting willpower resources leaving people vulnerable to overeating.

In addition, many of the most commonly prescribed drugs, including drugs for mental health problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, epilepsy, arthritis, asthma, and other common conditions can cause weight gain.

RealHuman · 23/06/2015 13:16

I seem to have used the word "common" slightly excessively Grin

PavlovaPalaver · 23/06/2015 13:16

YANBU. I would have been really annoyed as well if I were you OP.

This has brought back the memory of a fully booked flight I was on where the hugely obese man next to me spilled over the top of the arm rest and also underneath it onto about a third of my seat. It made the entire flight really uncomfortable for me as I had to squeeze into the corner of my seat and lean at an angle for 3 hours to avoid touching him. By the end of it, I couldn't have cared less how embarrassed my neighbour was because the experience was so unpleasant for me.

Your neighbour was selfish - he should have booked 2 seats (or 3 if he was spilling onto the other side as well). Or he should have moved into the free standing seats in the box.

BarbarianMum · 23/06/2015 13:16

If you don't fit into 1 seat you either book 2, or book an aisle seat, so you have somewhere to overflow. What you don't do is just encroach on someone else and expect them just to put up with it.

Theatre, cinema, public transport - the principle is exactly the same.

Or petition venues to install larger seats.

60sname · 23/06/2015 13:18

There is weight gain and there is weight gain extreme enough to significantly impinge on the space of others. I would suggest that most of the people who have difficulty controlling their weight through the causes mentioned by RealHuman fall into the former category.

Mrsjayy · 23/06/2015 13:19

Larger seats in newer buildings would be better for everybody so fatter people had the room the need and nobody is getting squished

haveabreakhaveakitkat · 23/06/2015 13:21

We recently saw a show at the O2. We were end of the aisle and were up and down constantly letting people out to get food, drinks, go to loo etc. One bloke slopped his beer on my feet as he was wobbly drunk. It was annoying but that's life. You have to accept if you go to public places that at some point you will be annoyed or inconvenienced another person.

morelikeguidelines · 23/06/2015 13:21

I do think that you should really book two seats if you can't fit into one, especially on an aeroplane.

What I really think you shouldn't do is book the aisle seat (and only that seat) as one PP said her husband does so that you are in fact squashing the smaller person on the inside of you. Much worse to be on the inside of an obese person than on the aisle with them spilling onto your seat from there.

What I don't think is that much could have been done about it once you were there.