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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset and annoyed at how this very large man ruined our trip to the theatre?

549 replies

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 12:16

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and my boyfriend bought me really good tickets to a show I've been wanting to see. The show is interactive and so he picked seats at the end of the row, about 3 rows from the stage. He booked these about 4 months ago to ensure they were good seats and paid £80 per ticket (I know this because it was printed on the ticket).

When we arrived, there was a morbidly obese man sitting in the seat next to mine. Except he was also taking up part of my seat, arm right over the armrest etc. I was then wedged in my seat, squeezed up to my boyfriend for the whole show. I asked the box office if they had any spare seats but they only had them in row T, far back from our seats and the next price bracket down. They also had some in a box but we wouldn't have been able to join in with the show. They said they wouldn't be able to refund and offer tickets for another day.

I felt really sorry for this man, he was clearly uncomfortable in his chair and kept moving to sort of move away from my seat. I didn't make it in any way obvious that I was uncomfortable or anything.

But I am pretty annoyed about it, and was upset last night about having our lovely trip to the theatre impacted so much by someone else. We booked our seats so far in advance to get suitable ones - why couldn't this man have booked a more suitable seat for himself? The boxes were the same price seats and had free seating (ie, they aren't fixed to the floor so can be moved), I am not sure why he couldn't have booked one of those when one was still free last night.

I am going to get flamed for not being more understanding, but what was meant to be an expensive birthday treat was greatly impacted by this man and I think he could have considered his size more when booking his own seat.

Aibu to feel annoyed at this?

OP posts:

Original poster

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 12:33

if you can't fit in a seat at a theatre, don't go to the theatre.

Should the same also apply to very tall people

We booked seats at the end so that he wouldn't impact on anyone's space. If end seats aren't available - at the cinema, on planes etc he does not go or pays more for extra legroom. It's common courtesy.

OP posts:

sherbetpips · 23/06/2015 12:33

to be fair they could have given him the box seat if it was avaialble as it probably had more room?

ouryve · 23/06/2015 12:33

So someone morbidly overweight shouldn't be able to go out, then? They shouldn't be able to try and live reasonably normal lives which might just keep their mental health in good shape and give them the best chance of eventual recovery?

ilovesooty · 23/06/2015 12:34

Of course you have no idea what caused his obesity. It might be due to all sorts of factors.

Easier to sit in judgement and say he should lose weight or not go though, isn't it?

StupidBloodyKindle · 23/06/2015 12:35

Oh and I was on your side OP, until your last comment which makes me want to sit on you. Here, have a
You do indeed need to channel Elsa and you haven't answered the Tall People question.

ilovesooty · 23/06/2015 12:37

She has answered the tall people question.

I agree that her posts sound very unpleasant though.

StupidBloodyKindle · 23/06/2015 12:38

X-post. So your answer is all tall people need to sit at the end of the row?
Clearly you haven't seen that much theatre OP.

ouryve · 23/06/2015 12:38

Since this guy was clearly in even more need of an end seat than your DH, might it have not made sense to offer to all do a bit of a shuffle around? Maybe by the time he heard of the performance, all the end seats were gone? They're cheaper in some theatres because the visibility isn't as good.

Fatstacks · 23/06/2015 12:39

I have a few tics, non verbal mostly but occasionally verbal.
I don't normally hold with my needs being greater than others so I try not to do things where my tics would be disruptive.

On a recent flight my tic was occasionally startling the woman in the seat beside me about six times despite me explaining that I tic, every time it made her jump awake and clutch her chest so I had to swap with DP.

No biggie. Unless you were sat in front of me after I switched seats
What should I do?
Buy an overpriced seat near the exit?
Or should I be allowed to choose a seat where I won't disrupt anyone without an extra charge?

The big guy was likely more upset than you.

The theatre didn't have bigger seats.

Sometimes life just doesn't do exactly what you want.

Best to suck it up and enjoy what's left.

Original poster

QueenBean · 23/06/2015 12:39

Absolutely they should go out. As I said in my opening post, he looked embarrassed. But why not try and sort the best seating out from the off?

Why is it fair that I had a seat which cost £80 which I wasn't able to access because of someone else?

I am sorry that this view is unpopular but I cannot believe that every single person who says I am being unreasonable would be happy in that situation. Admit it or not, you'd be pretty unhappy at paying that for a ticket and then not being able to enjoy it because of someone else.

OP posts:

mileend2bermondsey · 23/06/2015 12:40

if you can't fit in a seat at a theatre, don't go to the theatre. Should the same also apply to very tall people?hmm
You can't control your height. You can control being so fat you cant limit yourself to one seat.

Waiting for the 2% of people who have a medical reason they cant control their weight to now form 98% of replies.

lantien · 23/06/2015 12:41

He may not have booked his own ticket - someone may have done it for him and not thought about it and then been stuck and possibly very embarrassed.

He may have not been for years to the theatre and not have realised the issue with the seats till he sat down.

I have seriously over weight family members who been put in that position - and while they enjoyed the show it wasn't comfortable experience for them.

I do get the annoyance though and I think I'd be quietly miffed - however it could have been instead none stop talkers, movers, kickers or sniffers, coughers or heavy breathers or very bad BO or very overpowering perfume all of which can be very annoying too doubly so when the tickets are so expensive.

whois · 23/06/2015 12:41

If you are too far to fit in one seat then buy two seats FFS selfish people.

mileend2bermondsey · 23/06/2015 12:42

OP I would have been mighty pissed off in your position YANBU. Its MN everyone is an angelic saint of understanding and tolerance.
I do question why your BF didnt swap seats with you though as it was meant to be a birthday treat for you ?

BeaufortBelle · 23/06/2015 12:42

It happened. You should have made the best of it. You certainly shouldn't be festering about it weeks later. Move on - here's a grip to help.

whispers, people in North Africa are queuing and paying their life savings to board boats so tightly packed they might die on their journey

whois · 23/06/2015 12:42

Or you could choose an aisle seat so they overflow into that rather than some poor unrelated mug who now only gets half a seat and someone else's disgusting flesh pressed up against them.

DoughDoe · 23/06/2015 12:43

"I'll have one of the fat seats, please."

'Nope, doesn't work'

What? Yes it does. 'Hello is that the Box Office? I weigh 35 stone and I would like to know where I can sit so as not to spill into someone else's seat?' 'If you would like stalls seats we can block two seats off for you. That will cost £90, or we have free-standing seats in the box for £45' 'Ok that's great, I'll take the box'.

Not hard is it?????

ilovesooty · 23/06/2015 12:44

Next time get your boyfriend to buy the seat next to you as well so that you can guarantee not having to be inconvenienced by someone else. People come in all shapes and sizes. If the man had behaved inconsiderately as opposed to just being that would be different.

DoughDoe · 23/06/2015 12:44

whispers, people in North Africa are queuing and paying their life savings to board boats so tightly packed they might die on their journey

BatteryPoweredHen · 23/06/2015 12:45

if you can't fit in a seat at a theatre, don't go to the theatre. Should the same also apply to very tall people?hmm
You can't control your height. You can control being so fat you cant limit yourself to one seat.

^ This

AuntyMag10 · 23/06/2015 12:45

Yanbu but this is mn where people are so perfect and will find you UR. Most people would definitely be irritated in rl.

PtolemysNeedle · 23/06/2015 12:46

What would have been nice is if the man who realised he was making someone else uncomfortable had gone himself to ask if there was a possibility that he could sit in the empty box.

To do nothing when you know you are making someone else uncomfortable at what is an expensive and supposedly enjoyable experience is just rude. I have a lot of sympathy with his situation, but there comes a point where it just becomes selfish to continue as normal when you're spoiling something for someone else.

ilovesooty · 23/06/2015 12:47

I'm actually wondering how "morbidly obese" he actually was.

twofingerstoGideon · 23/06/2015 12:48

Some theatre seats have less space than a budget airline seat and that's saying something. It is impossible to know how big/the seat is until you get to the venue. Should fat people phone ahead to check before booking, OP?

Every time you go into a public space you risk being in close proximity to someone who might annoy you in some way. Last time I went to the theatre I was next to someone who reeked of fags and booze. I didn't think to come on MN and whinge about it afterwards.

YABU.

DaysAreWhereWeLive · 23/06/2015 12:49

But you could access your seat - you sat in it!

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