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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my dd being unreasonable?

203 replies

TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 16:37

My dd, in year 8, was in a lesson at school today when a boy asked to refill his water bottle, to which the teacher replied- "No, that is a lunch time activity". However, five minutes later the same teacher, while teaching, was booking his holiday and ordering furniture. My dd realized this and questioned him as to why it was fair that he is allowed to book holidays but they are not allowed to fill up their water, both of which are lunchtime activities. The teacher then shouted at her and told her she embarrassed him and asked to see her after class.
My dd promptly burst into tears as she is normally impeccably behaved and in her entire school career has only been in trouble once, the whole class went silent. After class the teacher told her what she had said was wrong and cheeky, but that he would let it go this time as it is completely abnormal behaviour for her. On the one hand I agree with her teacher that she was being cheeky in pointing this out, but then again I see her point. So was my dd being unreasonable? Is there any way she could have pointed this out without being "cheeky"?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/06/2015 19:55

And sometimes they need to learn when to zip it

Absolutely. She was being rude IMO.

Gdydgkyk · 22/06/2015 19:56

I think you should be proud that she saw an injustice and spoke up

RiderOfDragons · 22/06/2015 19:59

Your daughter definitely needs not to use the tears or let things affect her so much. Not only will she get ripped for it by her peers but she'll end up having a breakdown at the actual upsetting stuff.

He was unreasonable for being hypocritical and browsing when supposed to be teaching or if students needed him. She was being cheeky, she wasn't incorrect but she was trying to embarrass him and show him he was hypocritical so he was correct. Better to tell her to ask after the lesson or use it as an opportunity to show that sometimes people will make the rules but not play by them- she will definitely need that in a work situation!

namechangefortoday543 · 22/06/2015 20:04

Sorry but the phrase "injustice" is making me laugh !

She would do well to get on with her work , stop sneaking looks at a teachers PC and stop fighting other peoples non existent battles.

Gdydgkyk · 22/06/2015 20:10

Name change - I guess we could all just mindlessly follow every authority figure in our lives and never question

SecretNutellaFix · 22/06/2015 20:14

I'm going to admit that I was once in a similar position to the OP's daughter. Not for the fact a teacher was using internet when they should have been teaching, but in having had a one time issue with censoring what came from my mouth to a teacher due to that teachers actions.
I was rude, and upon reflection I had meant it as rudeness, even though I tried to tell myself that it just blurted out.
I was very much a goody two shoes, got called teachers pet etc so for this to have happened to the extent I got sent from the classroom for the rest of the lesson was a huge shock. The difference was that my teacher marched me down to my head of year and didn't "excuse" my behaviour because they were proved to be in the wrong. And yes, when I was called up on my own behaviour I did burst into tears.

Your DD needs to accept that there is a time and place to call out someone's behaviour, and in a classroom surrounded by her classmates is not one of those times.

mileend2bermondsey · 22/06/2015 20:14

Gdy
It's been said upthread that there are appropriate ways of challenging authority. Mouthing off to a teacher in the middle of a lesson is not one of them.

namechangefortoday543 · 22/06/2015 20:15

This wasn't questioning something, politely, it was rude and undermining.
She was also looking at a teachers PC.
There are people on computers all around me at work , I don't sneakily look at them and then use it to try and embarrass someone.

Gdydgkyk · 22/06/2015 20:15

We don't know she was mouthing off though. She might have just been speaking up

Gdydgkyk · 22/06/2015 20:16

Does it really matter if she caught a glimpse of her teachers computer?

UglyBugaz · 22/06/2015 20:16

She was cheeky but he was unreasonable to not allow someone to fill a water bottle in summer.

elderflowerlemonade · 22/06/2015 20:17

A lot of schools won't allow it in lesson times.

QueenofallIsee · 22/06/2015 20:18

Your daughter deserved the short shrift she got, there is an appropriate way to handle instances of 'injustice' this wasn't it. What is suitable for challenging a peer is not appropriate for an adult in authority and quite frankly if you do not understand that, its no mystery where your child gets it from

ExcuseMyEyebrows · 22/06/2015 20:20

God, I feel sorry for teachers today.

OP your daughter was rude, cheeky and disrespectful. It was absolutely none of her business what the teacher was doing and she should have been punished for challenging him.

LazyLouLou · 22/06/2015 20:22

Can we do a count back?

How many of us saying she was NOT unreasonable are or have been teachers?

I just wonder if those castigating her have ever been a teacher, as from my perspective, she was practising what we should be teaching her to do, be confident and assertive, recognising hypocrisy. We, teachers, are usually told we need to be role models, this thread seems to go the other way.

Sneaking a look at the teacher's PC, for example. My PC and laptop in class were only ever used to provide information for the class, so ALL students SHOULD have been looking at what was on it.... that sort of thing!

Stillyummy · 22/06/2015 20:24

She wasn't cheeky, she was right! Just because a teacher is older and in a position of authority, doesn't make them deserve respect if they don't behave in a way that earns it. Defo she was not being unreasonable. You should be very proud of her imo

ilovesooty · 22/06/2015 20:25

She could have:

Discussed it with the teacher at the end of the lesson

Gone to the Head of Department and raised her concerns

Come home and discussed it with you to decide if/how she might want to take it further

The way she handled it was attention seeking and inappropriate IMO.

rogueantimatter · 22/06/2015 20:25

What's the head of the school like? Or her year head? Is your DD likely to have this teacher again in future years? Is she worried that he will mark her work harshly now perhaps and therefore disadvantage her? Do you know any of the parents well enough to ask their opinion of this teacher and what to do for the best now?

hackmum · 22/06/2015 20:26

"I guess we could all just mindlessly follow every authority figure in our lives and never question"

Indeed. I'm appalled at some of the craven, authority-pleasing attitudes expressed on here. So many people who would prefer to let the teacher get away with skiving on the job rather than - oh, the horror! - have a child be cheeky to the teacher.

As for all the sanctimonious comments about the DD needing to learn not to be so upset, well, no-one likes being shouted at. And that includes the people on this thread who are pompously berating the OP - I'm prepared to bet good money that if your boss came and shouted at you for some workplace misdemeanour, you'd be in tears.

But it's an attitude we so often see - one rule for adults, another for children. Children must get used to being shouted at, children must never challenge adults, children must do what they're told. If you've ever wondered why children who are sexually abused don't tell anyone - well, look in the mirror. There's your answer, right there.

AuntyMag10 · 22/06/2015 20:27

Your dd was bloody cheeky!

mileend2bermondsey · 22/06/2015 20:29

If you've ever wondered why children who are sexually abused don't tell anyone - well, look in the mirror. There's your answer, right there
God grief what a ridiculous statement.

ilovesooty · 22/06/2015 20:30

There are some of us, hackmum who think that if she wanted to challenge the teacher's behaviour there were more appropriate channels to do it.

QueenofallIsee · 22/06/2015 20:31

Oh yes, expecting a modicum of courtesy from children and not patting them on the back for point scoring against an adult is OF COURSE condonibg sexual abuse. What a twattish thing to say heckmum ffs. And I say that as someone who was abused as a child...I can still manage teach my kids appropriate behaviour and am fairly sure that being told not to mouth off in class isn't inhibiting my kids from telling me something serious. dick.

redexpat · 22/06/2015 20:35

No she wasn't cheeky. I don't understand this weird attitude that any child questioning the behaviour of any adult is somehow disrespectful. Respect should be earned, not given without question. If that teacher had behaved like, you know, a TEACHER then the situation wouldn't have arisen.

I'd have had more respect for the teacher if he or she had said 'you're right, I apologise' and had stopped what he was doing. But no, we mustn't ever show children that it's ok to make mistakes sometimes.

Bloody well done to your dd.

RobbStarksBitch · 22/06/2015 20:35

I hate all that respect your elders shite. I'll respect who ever deserves respect thank you very much. I know children who deserve more respect then some adults do.

The teacher was highly unprofessional. I don't think the OPs dd was cheeky. Outspoken maybe but she had a point and he was being a knob. I wouldn't reprimand my child in the sake position.