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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was my dd being unreasonable?

203 replies

TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 16:37

My dd, in year 8, was in a lesson at school today when a boy asked to refill his water bottle, to which the teacher replied- "No, that is a lunch time activity". However, five minutes later the same teacher, while teaching, was booking his holiday and ordering furniture. My dd realized this and questioned him as to why it was fair that he is allowed to book holidays but they are not allowed to fill up their water, both of which are lunchtime activities. The teacher then shouted at her and told her she embarrassed him and asked to see her after class.
My dd promptly burst into tears as she is normally impeccably behaved and in her entire school career has only been in trouble once, the whole class went silent. After class the teacher told her what she had said was wrong and cheeky, but that he would let it go this time as it is completely abnormal behaviour for her. On the one hand I agree with her teacher that she was being cheeky in pointing this out, but then again I see her point. So was my dd being unreasonable? Is there any way she could have pointed this out without being "cheeky"?

OP posts:
TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 22/06/2015 18:44

Sorry posted too soon

It seems to me like she is cheekier than you think

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/06/2015 18:45

Fortunately Mile, I don't work in firm where people are sacked for speaking their mind. Thankfully we're allowed to air our views without the fear of sacking matches,
We have the uppermost respect for our boss as he does for us.

Peacheykeen · 22/06/2015 18:45

I think she was very brave for sticking up for her beliefs and not accepting double standards. I'm sure she Will go far in her adult life. I would be proud of her

FishCanFly · 22/06/2015 18:46

Your DD was right. The teacher is an arse. If she has to receive sanctions for being cheeky, she should accept it with pride

VanitasVanitatum · 22/06/2015 18:46

He shouted at her because he was rightly embarrassed being caught out doing something he shouldn't - he was in the wrong and should have had the balls to admit it.

Anyone suggesting wrongdoing by authority shouldn't be questioned is in my opinion not thinking it through. Your DD sounds like she was brave not cheeky.

LazyLouLou · 22/06/2015 18:46

GDetc, yes, available throughout the day, not at all times as a priority over lessons or whenever you feel like skipping part of a lesson.

So, if water is available at all times, not locked up, and students can access it without charge during breaks and lunchtime the school is adhering to the regs. In that instance the teacher was right!

mileend2bermondsey · 22/06/2015 18:47

muggling
Yes in both situations (work/school) the boss/teacher, should be held accountable for their actions. But by going through the proper channels hr/form tutor or whatever. Not shouting out at them in a room full of people.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/06/2015 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

wannabestressfree · 22/06/2015 18:48

We don't allow bottles to be filled up and we don't allow children to use the toilet during a lesson either (unless they have a pass)
As a teacher the thing that would have annoyed me is that she involved herself in something that had nothing to do with her whilst she should have been working.
I often use the Internet and have things up on my computer- I taught war photographer by carol Anne Duffy today and used you tube etc....

NRomanoff · 22/06/2015 18:50

But op, the rule of water being a lunchtime activity is different. It's not a rule he has put in place. Or did he make up this rule? I am working on the fact that it's a school rule, not his personal rule. He also broke a rule, I assume, but she compared them for a reason. I suspect to prove a point, but why in the middle of lesson? She didn't want to get her water filled up so why was it such an issue for her.

mileend2bermondsey · 22/06/2015 18:52

A teenager that bursts out crying in the middle of class because a teacher asked to have a word with them? Er yeah . . . they need to get a grip.

Original poster
TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 18:53

TakeMeUp
She only has the balls to question a teacher when she realises the teacher is behaving inappropriately or in a way that effects hers or others learning dramatically, which of course hardly ever occurs.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 22/06/2015 18:55

Um 'effect her learning dramatically'
How?
What subject was it?

angstridden2 · 22/06/2015 19:01

Think it was extremely cheeky and 'bursting into tears' not unusual strategy for teenage girls who get put down by teacher when they try it.
Teacher was at fault, but parents excusing rudeness to staff in school are a large part of the disciplinary issues teachers have to face these days (I work in a secondary school - I cannot believe how some children (and that's what they are...) speak to staff if they think they can get away with it. Even 'nice' children get on the band wagon. Oh and the water issue.....as far as I know no child has died of dehydration indoors in the UK if made to go without water for the duration of a lesson.

Wolfiefan · 22/06/2015 19:07

She questions teachers she thinks are behaving inappropriately? She needs to remember she's a child and there to learn.
This didn't impact her learning. She should keep her beak out.

Pumpkinpositive · 22/06/2015 19:09

Your daughter was cheeky - although technically justified. He shouldn't have been booking hols etc during teaching time. That'll learn him.

However, this bit:

My dd promptly burst into tears as she is normally impeccably behaved and in her entire school career has only been in trouble once, the whole class went silent

Your daughter is one delicate little flower when it suits her, isn't she? Hmm

MamanOfThree · 22/06/2015 19:10

Yep I agree with mile.
There is a way to raise that sort of issue and
1- yes it should be raised
2- but the right way, not in front of the class like this.

If you put that into a work situation where the boss is booking his hol in the middle of an hour meeting, you wouldn't tell him straight 'Hey you aren't suppose to book your holiday you know'. You would probably make a little comment along the lines of 'can we have your attention' and some people might have a word with him/her at the end of the meeting. But not in the middle of the meeting.
If that was happening regularly, one might think abut havig a word with their boss boss or Hr or whatever.

I think it's important to learn that you should challenge hypocrisy and have a sense of integrity. but there are ways to do so wo creating more problems and putting peole down/humiliating them.

MythicalKings · 22/06/2015 19:10

effects hers or others learning dramatically

Grasping at straws a bit there, OP.

She was a cheeky mare and got told off for it. You both have to accept that and move on.

Original poster
TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 19:11

It wasnt particulalry impacting her learning, however it was impacting the learning of those who didn't understand the task given and who had their hand up patiently but were being ignored by the teacher. She says all the children with their hands up were incredibly shy or not particularly eloquent, so she feels she was standing up for those who would not stand up for themselves- I have always taught her to stand up for the voiceless.
For all those saying she was crying to get out of it, she carried on crying into the next period and has been crying on and off all evening, with stomach pains that are normally associated with anxiety.

OP posts:
coolaschmoola · 22/06/2015 19:12

Can't help but wonder how her learning was impacted 'dramatically' when the class was doing individual work that SHE wasn't struggling with, admitted SHE didn't have her hand up and SHE didn't want water. Her learning wasn't impacted at all - let alone 'dramatically' although the drama appears to be increasing with each every post. Your daughter tried to show off in front of the class and got in trouble for it.

She was point scoring op, possibly to impress her peers, and she burst into tears when being a show off bit her in the rear.

At least the teacher had the manners to tell her off after the class - your dd tried to tell a teacher off in front of it.

TheFallenMadonna · 22/06/2015 19:12

If he is shopping during a lesson, she needs to take her concerns to the HoD. Her response will not have dealt with the issue she is concerned about (her learning).

Bottle filling is a separate issue, and teacher is right on this one.

chickenfuckingpox · 22/06/2015 19:14

The teacher then shouted at her and told her she embarrassed him and asked to see her after class.

^ this is the part that concerns me its unprofessional to book your holiday in class time and ignore students its extremely unprofessional to shout at a student and that is the art i would be complaining about

kind hands kind words iyswim Wink

TheFallenMadonna · 22/06/2015 19:14

That is a disproportionate response to what happened. I think you need to look deeper here than this one incident.

chickenfuckingpox · 22/06/2015 19:14

*PART! not art Confused

Sazzle41 · 22/06/2015 19:16

A UK reception teacher was sacked a while back for ebaying during lessons and having 'trips' to the local post office with her class to pick up and drop off. I remember being gobsmacked - but when i was teaching laptops werent even a part of life, the only PC was once a week and shared by whole school (feels dinosaur like). Thats bad IMO. Double standard and workshy and poor organisation if he left it to school time. He gets two designated official coffee breaks and a lunch hour to do that in.

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