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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my dd being unreasonable?

203 replies

TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 16:37

My dd, in year 8, was in a lesson at school today when a boy asked to refill his water bottle, to which the teacher replied- "No, that is a lunch time activity". However, five minutes later the same teacher, while teaching, was booking his holiday and ordering furniture. My dd realized this and questioned him as to why it was fair that he is allowed to book holidays but they are not allowed to fill up their water, both of which are lunchtime activities. The teacher then shouted at her and told her she embarrassed him and asked to see her after class.
My dd promptly burst into tears as she is normally impeccably behaved and in her entire school career has only been in trouble once, the whole class went silent. After class the teacher told her what she had said was wrong and cheeky, but that he would let it go this time as it is completely abnormal behaviour for her. On the one hand I agree with her teacher that she was being cheeky in pointing this out, but then again I see her point. So was my dd being unreasonable? Is there any way she could have pointed this out without being "cheeky"?

OP posts:
coolaschmoola · 22/06/2015 19:19

So on the one hand she's the voice of the weak and helpless - on the other she's a sobbing, anxious wreck?

Riiiight. There's definitely some drama there - because unless she has a split personality it's highly unlikely she can be as strong and vocal as you say yet as weak as you describe.

You have no idea what went on in that room, you have no idea why those other learners had their hands up - you have only the word of a teenage girl who admits she mouthed off at a teacher, in front of a class, about something that was absolutely NOTHING to do with her and got bollocked for it. And here you are casting her in the 'defender of the weak' role... Of course she's telling you the whole truth - why would she lie? She only gobbed off at a teacher when she was meant to be working thud involving herself in a situation that was none of her business - that's always a good idea in class! Hmm

elderflowerlemonade · 22/06/2015 19:19

Well, I'm not condoning it but not necessarily. I've never worked anywhere with two playtimes! You often end up on duty or running lunchtime 'clubs' or revision sessions.

The thing I don't get was it doesn't sound as if he was rude - just told the boy water bottles need filling up at lunch (which is true - otherwise the whole class neeeeeeeed a drink!) so I don't understand why she decided to be belligerent all of a sudden.

coolaschmoola · 22/06/2015 19:20

You can tell you don't teach any more Sazzle... Coffee breaks and lunch hours went out on that Ark too...

mileend2bermondsey · 22/06/2015 19:20

Oh god, drip feed much?
Lets take everything your DD has told you with a huge bucket full pinch of salt.

it was impacting the learning of those who didn't understand the task given and who had their hand up patiently but were being ignored by the teacher
How was he ignoring them? He was answering one boys question (could he refill the water bottle) and surely would have gone on to the next pupil if your DD din't poke her beak in.

so she feels she was standing up for those who would not stand up for themselves- I have always taught her to stand up for the voiceless
So shes some kind of vigilante now, ok OP Wink

she carried on crying into the next period and has been crying on and off all evening
She seriously needs to toughen up, Christ.

BreadmakerFan · 22/06/2015 19:20

Id be complaining.

Today my child was hurt. He was told off when telling a teacher. She denied it happened. He has an injury. I'll be taking it up with the head Angry.

Iggi999 · 22/06/2015 19:21

It's a shame she is so upset. However, she could have given a voice to the voiceless just by saying "please Mr so-and-so, Benjy has his hand up" - as she might have needed to do if teacher had been engrossed in the latest DOE offering.

Pumpkinpositive · 22/06/2015 19:21

For all those saying she was crying to get out of it, she carried on crying into the next period and has been crying on and off all evening, with stomach pains that are normally associated with anxiety.

If that's her response to a mild telling off, I'd be rethinking my approach to teaching her to "stand up for the voiceless".

Speaking "truth to power" (if that's what you and your daughter think she was doing) does not usually come without consequences. In this case, those consequences were limited to a telling off. Which your daughter doesn't seem able to cope with.

I think your daughter seems rather niave if she thought she could get self righteously gobby with a teacher w/o said teacher becoming a little annoyed.

Did she think he was actually going to turn around and say, "yes, you're perfectly right, of course, little girl. Thank you for pointing out my hypocrisy so publicly. I have seen the error of my ways. Is there anything else about my teaching methods you would like to critique whilst you're at it?"

If you're daughter is of such a delicate constitution that a telling off from a teacher leads to prolonged bouts of crying and stomach pains, I'd be encouraging her to leave the "standing up for the voiceless" to other students with a stronger disposition for the time being.

Original poster
TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 19:26

milened
It was a good five minutes after the boy asked to fill up his water that the teacher was shopping. Although she does appear brave in front of others, I know that she can bottle up her emotions and then one final straw can let them all out, in this case today's incident was the final straw: she has had a difficult weekend and although she did not appear distressed in front of me, she may have been upset by recent events.

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 22/06/2015 19:29

Can you please explain to me how your daughter could see his computer screen?

In a typical classroom setting, the teaching desk is at the front of the classroom so any resources the teacher would be looking at would be facing away from the pupils in the room.

namechangefortoday543 · 22/06/2015 19:30

She got quite rightly told off for embarrassing and undermining a teacher.
That's why she crying
"impeccably behaved" - well she isn't if she doesn't understand this was rude and cheeky.

Aridane · 22/06/2015 19:30

She was rude - but then I'm old school - and reading this thread, glad I'm not a teacherBlush

ahbollocks · 22/06/2015 19:32

Haha what a little madam Grin
Tbf that is the exact sort of thing I would have got in trouble for at school. Had a flicker of rage at the injustice of it all and then had the 'oh fuck.' realisation afterwards.
Its no bad thing that she felt she needed to speak up. She should probably be a bit more angelic about it.
'Going anywhere nice mister x?' And a little smile would have proven her point and not been mouthy Wink

Ponyboycurtis · 22/06/2015 19:37

I don't think she was being cheeky at all, fair play to her. Children have a voice and it should be heard.
I work with very vulnerable young people and I would love it if they all had the courage to be able to speak out when they felt that something wasn't fair.

Original poster
TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 19:39

Secret, her teacher's computer faces to the far right of the classroom, with him sitting behind it, so his back is to the bottom right of the classrom
my daughter sits at the far right. The classrooms are laid out with four to desk. A is the computer, o is my daughter.
a xo
xx

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 19:39

Secret, her teacher's computer faces to the far right of the classroom, with him sitting behind it, so his back is to the bottom right of the classrom
my daughter sits at the far right. The classrooms are laid out with four to desk. A is the computer, o is my daughter.
a xo
xx

OP posts:
nellieellie · 22/06/2015 19:40

Think she deserves to be congratulated. She saw an injustice, and even though a normally well behaved child, she felt it right to challenge it. She wasn't doing it to be funny, or rude to the teacher, from what you say. We need more girls like this. Absolute obedience to authority is grossly overrated. Go girl, go! You should be proud.

hackmum · 22/06/2015 19:41

Teachers should not be booking their holidays or ordering furniture during lesson time.

I wonder what the head would do if someone just happened to inform them about it?

The teacher did something wrong and he was called out on it by a 13-year old. He then compounded the original offence by shouting at the child who called him out.

Seems fairly clear-cut to me.

namechangefortoday543 · 22/06/2015 19:44

" Children have a voice and it should be heard"
And sometimes they need to learn when to zip it !

soapboxqueen · 22/06/2015 19:45

I think people are confusing fighting injustice (or in this case potential ineffective teaching) with being a smart arse. She was rude. She doesn't know what the teacher was doing or why? If she was spending so much time checking on the teacher then she wasn't doing her work.

If her intention was to improve teaching in the classroom, how was humiliating the teacher in front of the whole class, going to achieve that? If reports of ineffectual teaching have been going on for a while, the better course of action would be to raise a complaint with the HoD or SLT. This would be effective.

It's like people who claim to 'always tell the truth' or 'always tell it like it is' when in fact they are a rude, obnoxious bore.

Momagain1 · 22/06/2015 19:45

Teacher was in the wrong, but daughter was being cheeky to challenge him in that manner rather than after class. Even the nicest never in trouble sorts sometimes blurt out without thought. A better teacher would have handled it without bellowing.

*startwig.... did you plan your lessons during classes?

I hope not!*

Planning future classes is work so why would you hope it is not being done during work hours in the work place? It is secondary school, there are times when the children are reading or writing instead of listening to a lecture or being directed in an activity, of course the teacher is meant to be doing lesson plans, or grading, or filling out forms.

Ponyboycurtis · 22/06/2015 19:45

So do a lot of adults

mileend2bermondsey · 22/06/2015 19:47

And sometimes they need to learn when to zip it !
This!^^
Just like we all do! You can't just go around saying whatever you feel (whether it's right or not) and expect no reprocussions. If you DD wants to do this and you support her, whatever but she needs to learn to deal with the consequences of her actions

Yarp · 22/06/2015 19:47

Unless you were there then this ins't worth discussing, IMO

Respectfully I'd say: Suck it up.

Yarp · 22/06/2015 19:47

isn't

Klayden · 22/06/2015 19:48

I actually don't think your DD was being unreasonable to question the hypocrisy. However, the dramatic tears and stomach pains seems very over the top. She got told off, not expelled.