Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my dd being unreasonable?

203 replies

TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 16:37

My dd, in year 8, was in a lesson at school today when a boy asked to refill his water bottle, to which the teacher replied- "No, that is a lunch time activity". However, five minutes later the same teacher, while teaching, was booking his holiday and ordering furniture. My dd realized this and questioned him as to why it was fair that he is allowed to book holidays but they are not allowed to fill up their water, both of which are lunchtime activities. The teacher then shouted at her and told her she embarrassed him and asked to see her after class.
My dd promptly burst into tears as she is normally impeccably behaved and in her entire school career has only been in trouble once, the whole class went silent. After class the teacher told her what she had said was wrong and cheeky, but that he would let it go this time as it is completely abnormal behaviour for her. On the one hand I agree with her teacher that she was being cheeky in pointing this out, but then again I see her point. So was my dd being unreasonable? Is there any way she could have pointed this out without being "cheeky"?

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 22/06/2015 16:59

Good for her. I guess it was 'cheeky' - ie it did not show respect to the teacher's authority. But learning to challenge authority and on occasion pbe cheeky is one of the most important lessons in life.

Original poster
TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 17:05

Wolfiefan
As i have explained further up the thread the computer screen belonging to the teacher is on of the first things she sees when she looks up from her work to take notes from the board or, under the teacher's instructions, discuss work with her partner.

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 22/06/2015 17:09

Ha! Your DD is a legend op!

She wasn't 'cheeky' at all! She was being truthful, and since when do you stop a child getting water?

I think a bit of healthy disregard for authority is fine in kids! but ill probably get flamed a bit for it Grin

goldenhen · 22/06/2015 17:10

Miiiiiiildly cheeky but 100% justified, and he obviously knew he was in the wrong. I'd have been the same at her age, and I think it's a good life skill to be thinking critically at Year 8. I bet the other kids were pleased she'd said it which is good imho!

Katedotness1963 · 22/06/2015 17:12

Maybe she was cheeky...

But she was absolutely right! He should not be using a work computer or work hours to do private business.

I'd be proud of my child, and there's a pretty good chance I'd have been having a wee visit with that particular teacher.

cricketballs · 22/06/2015 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Starbrite00 · 22/06/2015 17:15

I dont think she was cheeky, I think she was right to ask the question.
The teacher isn't taking it further because he knows he's completely in the wrong.
I'm sure if you spoke to the teacher in question he would be mortified.
I actually praise your daughter for standing up to double standards. I would be proud.

CordeliaFoxx · 22/06/2015 17:20

So at year 8 she's 12/13 years old, at that age I would have probably done the same. My DS is year 7 and would not be allowed to fill a water bottle in lesson time either

SurlyCue · 22/06/2015 17:20

Your DD wasn't even involved in the initial incident 're water bottle so why did she think she should speak to the teacher like that?

Because his "rule" affected her (and the rest of the class) and the double standard can and should be questioned by anyone who witnessed. And also, people stick up for their mates.

RabbitSaysWoof · 22/06/2015 17:21

Rude really questioning adults like she is some authority, as much as he shouldn't be doing that fair doesn't come into it. They are not equals she is not paying him. This is the sort of thing we would get out of school and have a bitch about when we were in secondary, but I don't think anyone would or should reprimand their teacher. Everyone does out of character things sometimes tho.

SurlyCue · 22/06/2015 17:25

Rude really questioning adults like she is some authority,

Should adults not be questioned? Is that what we are to teach our DCs? Dont question an adult, even if they are in the wrong. Hmm i'd rather my child be thought cheeky whilst challenging hypocrisy than quash their doubts and never feel able to stand up for themselves.

MamanOfThree · 22/06/2015 17:27

I wouldn't use the word cheeky to describe what she did. I woud rather say she has integrity and that is never a bad thing.

On paper, I think she was fully in the right to point out the discrepency to the teacher.

In reality, she probably needs to learn that there is a way to point out that sort of things. So maybe after class as a quiet word rather than in front of everyone. With the Head of year rather than him directly etc...
Mainly because such a direct approach will cause her quite a bit of trouble as an adult. (See the reaction of the teacher who made it all 'her' fault...)

MamanOfThree · 22/06/2015 17:30

Rabbit I think anyone can question any person 'in authority'. It's not because they have some autority that you can't say anything at all.
It's not an issue about being 'equal' at all. It's an issue about integrity and asking why there seems to be two rules, one for the students, one for the teacher.
No one, regardless of the context, has ever gained respect by acting like this.

As for the fact it's a one off. It might be. It's certainly not up to the dd to decide if he should be dismissed. However, him knowing he can't get always get away with it isn't a bad thing at all.

MamanOfThree · 22/06/2015 17:32

Btw OP I think your dd has some guts and that's not something I would try to 'squash down' iyswim

EmeraldThief · 22/06/2015 17:34

I don't think she was rude at all, he was caught out being hypocritical.

FluffyMcnuffy · 22/06/2015 17:37

Going to go against the grain and say I think it was cheeky of her.

If she had an issue she should raise it privately with the teacher or tell you/another teacher.

How well do you think it would go down in the real world if she publically called her boss out on misuse of the Internet at work?

RabbitSaysWoof · 22/06/2015 17:44

I ment a one off for the dd, so was saying I thought I would have seen it as a rude incident, but I'm sure the girl is lovely.
When I was in school (not that long ago) we didnt have a constant flow of drinks, we were not allowed drinks inside the classroom. The teachers would always have tea and coffee, we didn't think to question them, We wore uniforms and had to ask permission to loosen our ties and take our blazers off when it was hot, they could wear what they wanted (some quite casual), we could not just get up and pop out of a lesson but a teacher could briefly excuse themselves and I don't recall any pupil asking a teacher to explain themselves it's just one of those things that goes without saying that a teacher is not a pupils employee a teacher is not answerable to a pupil.
I and many of the people I still know who attended my school, and didn't question teachers like that now hold down jobs, and can stick up for ourselves in the real world of employment because we are adults working with adults now we are not children learning from teachers.

GirlSailor · 22/06/2015 17:44

Your daughter was completely right to question the hypocrisy she saw. If there had been a legitimate reason for her teacher to use the sites he was on, then he should have explained it, not just told her off for being 'cheeky'. Alternatively he could have admitted it was hypocritical. Kids should ask questions because that is how we learn. What is the alternative, that she should sit there thinking it's unfair but that's the way it is so she should just live with it? What do people want - for her to know it's a double standard but put up with it because it isn't 'her place'? I'm sure you're glad she's brave.

KoalaDownUnder · 22/06/2015 17:48

I agree, Fluffy.

I think it was very rude and cheeky behaviour, and I can't believe people are applauding it. She is not her teacher's peer; it's completely inappropriate for her to tell him off in front of the whole class! And yes, there are different sets of rules for students and teachers. Confused

Between this and the 'I'd never expect my child to stand for older people on the bus' threads, I can't believe the lack of respect some people teach their children these days.

Original poster
TheBFGisme1234 · 22/06/2015 17:51

RabitSaysWolf
But the teachers wearing casual clothes does not effect a teacher's ability to teach, teachers popping out the classroom is normally done because they need to leave. Looking up holidays not only effects a teacher's ability to teach but is something that can be done outside class time.

OP posts:
Tryharder · 22/06/2015 17:57

She was cheeky. It's none of her business what a teacher does on his computer.

RabbitSaysWoof · 22/06/2015 17:58

I was replying to MamanOfThree about questioning why there are 2 sets of rules. But I think not even being in the room does effect their ability to teach at that time.

StaircaseAtTheUniversity · 22/06/2015 18:02

Your DD was being cheeky. Whilst perhaps the teacher wasn't being at their most professional doing what they were doing, your daughter wasn't being very respectful to say that (to say the least!)

In ten years time will she point out such an indiscretion to her boss? And if so will she expect her boss to thank her?

paulapompom · 22/06/2015 18:04

I think the teacher could have explained his reasons without shouting. It dosent sound like she was trying to be cheeky at all. All he needed to do was explain that pupils must fill water bottles at break/lunch whatever, and leave it at that. Teachers do often use commercial websites for teaching, but if he was doing his shopping that's bloody cheeky imo. I am an ICT teacher btw.

NRomanoff · 22/06/2015 18:04

Your dd has a point. He shouldn't have been doing it.

However, filling up a water bottle is (I assume ) not done in class time. So comparing the two, has no meaning. Just because the teacher does one thing wrong, it doesn't mean the boy should be allowed to fill his water bottle. Your ds was making a bad comparison to make a point. Why did she need to compare the two? I suspect to prove a point?

If she has a problem with his teaching them she should approach another teacher or speak to you to do it on her behalf. The way she handled it was inappropriate.