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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

785 replies

Vijac · 22/06/2015 11:00

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

OP posts:
Nolim · 22/06/2015 14:53

If you use such an aggressive tone with your kids they are probably better off in daycare.
Who says that the tone that one poster uses in an online forum is the one they use with their dc?
And is it just me that the implication here is that childcare is bad? As in "you are so mean that even childcare is better"?

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 14:56

You read too much into my comment nolim.

CycleChic · 22/06/2015 15:00

She isn't getting enough time there to settle. Plus, session no 4 is very early days :)

Nolim · 22/06/2015 15:01

Keep you are calling other posters rude, but your comments are not very nice either. If i have missunderstood what you mean by all means elaborate.

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 15:03

nolim I have been called a martyr and a crank. I think I have a right to reply.

Echocave · 22/06/2015 15:05

Oh please just do it for your own sanity. I feel guilty over every wretched thing I do or don't do and most of it probably makes no difference at all in the long run. Look after yourself too. I never have and frankly I wish I had. Disclaimer- very grumpy today. But still think you shouldn't beat yourself up over it!

Nolim · 22/06/2015 15:07

Absolutely keep you have every right to reply. And unfortunatelly your reply is not a nice one. May i ask if you considered childcare to be bad? Your posts suggest so but i ask for the sake of clarity.

throwingpebbles · 22/06/2015 15:07

The thread appears to have derailed a bit but op of course yanbu. It will be good for you both, I had severe ptsd/pnd and exhausting so my daughter went 3 mornings a week from 7 months to give me a break. This decision t do this was supported by and encouraged by a friend who is a very eminent child psychiatrist/ psychologist. Children pick up on how their parents are, even as tiny babies, so we need to look after ourselves too. The nursery staff may have been strangers to my daughter when she started but now she greets them like family

BoffinMum · 22/06/2015 15:10

She is starting her quite normal separation anxiety phase, spot on for 7 months.

TBH I wonder if an hour is not quite long enough for her to settle. Two complete mornings might be better in terms of her learning to recognise the carers and one or two other babies. Otherwise her only familiar face is disappearing off and as they have no real sense of time it might feel a bit disorientating if it's not with a relative or friend they see a lot socially.

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 15:10

Some childcare is bad, some good. I have no real feelings about it. Some parents rely on it and some kids love it.

It isn't for my family however.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 15:15

How can you be sure if you've never used it, keep? My kids surprise me all the time.

stirring

Purplepoodle · 22/06/2015 15:16

My kids are all under 6 so a bit more recent than 18odd years ago. Listen to your own instincts. IMO it does no harm to leave a baby to cry for a few minutes and crying when leaving your child is common as is all new to them. It's just their way of expressing that this is a bit new and I'm not sure - until they see a more interesting toy, face ect

My youngest used to howl the whole five minutes I showered in the morning even though he was in a chair in the bathroom with me. Couldn't do much about it as I needed to shower, same when I was getting his siblings ready, sometimes he just had to wait.

Ask any Hv and they will advocate if your near end of tether with crying to pop baby in cot and leave them for 5/10minutes and go make cup of tea (have a cry) and go back to them when your calm. It makes me cross to be honest when people suggest your some sort of crap parent for leaving child to cry for a small timeframe, smacks of smugness and one up man ship.

ElkTheory · 22/06/2015 15:16

Of course YANBU. And of course you are not being selfish. I'm a bit Hmm about some of the comments here, though I suppose that is par for the course on MN.

Enjoy your time at the gym. A couple of hours in a good childcare setting will not damage your baby. Indeed, full days in a good childcare setting would not damage her.

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 15:18

lady I know two women who childmind. One is lovely, the other is a horror.

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 15:20

It makes me cross to be honest when people suggest your some sort of crap parent for leaving child to cry for a small timeframe

No-one is suggesting that.

I know that childcare is good for some families and some people don't mind leaving a crying baby. And that's great for them.
Just not for me.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 15:24

keep what I mean is, you say that childcare isn't for your family. But some kids thrive in that setting. If you don't ever put your kids in that setting then you have no idea if it would have suited them or not. The most you can really say is that you never used childcare and that your kids seemed happy with their life, which I assume is true. Your statement at the moment is like me saying 'I've never tried hummus but it DEFINITELY isn't for me.'

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 15:28

I wouldn't consider childcare.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 15:32

And that is of course your choice. However, a lot of mothers (indeed, parents) feel that the benefits of them getting away from their kids for a couple of hours outweigh the negatives. I'd hate being at home with my kids now; they are preschoolers and trying to entertain them every minute is exhausting. I get stressed and snappy and they get bored and start hitting each other (even when I've planned activities that they like) and it's awful, except for the shining few minutes when it isn't. We'd have a worse relationship if I spent more time with them, not less.

We're all different.

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 15:34

I loved spending time with my little ones. Every precious minute.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 15:37

I think maybe we'd cause a matter/anti-matter-type explosion if we were ever in the same room keeptothewhiteline Grin

vvega · 22/06/2015 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bedsheets4knickers · 22/06/2015 15:42

I say do it an hour a morning 90 mins whatever . Mine love the gym crèche . It's saved my sanity and it's good for you. ????

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 15:44

But please don't say you've never left a crying child when you've never had to

But that is a situation I created. It was my choice.
The OP doesn't "have to" go to the gym.

TalkinPeace · 22/06/2015 15:45

I did.
Mine are snotty teens now.
It did them no harm at all.
Enjoy having a shower in peace Wink

vvega · 22/06/2015 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.