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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

785 replies

Vijac · 22/06/2015 11:00

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/06/2015 13:16

Of course not. As lovely as babies are you do need that break. Although I wouldn't say going the gym was exactly having a break Grin

Blazing88 · 22/06/2015 13:17

I'm just jealous you can afford a gym and childcare to cover your session! Grin

Meerka · 22/06/2015 13:19

vijac I think you're being entirely reasonable.

it's for an hour. Just one hour.

You're also working on getting fit. My experience is that getting fitter has massive payoffs for the child(ren) because you have more energy, more mental energy too for some reason, but definitely more physical energy. It's a long term investment too. It's also a bit of time for yourself, which is really important in balancing your baby's needs and your own.

Getting stronger and losing weight is a nice added bonus but mainly getting fit & taking a bit of time for yourself pays off good dividends. You may very well find that you have more energy and attention to give your little one.

And yeah ... it's two hours a week.

Babies do go through a phase of not wanting to be separated but they also learn that Mama will be coming back. Maybe give her something that smells of you too, like a shirt or something?

Purplepoodle · 22/06/2015 13:25

My middle went to chreche in the gym for about 2 hours. Bit of crumple face when I left but enjoyed whole thing (usually had a snooze in one of the reclined baby chairs) so guessing not upset. Once he could toddle he happily walked in. If he cried for more than 5mins they would come and get me. Only happened twice in a year of 3 sessions a week.

All my younger ones have cried at drop off for daycare - until they see breakfast usually on the table then they happy toddle off.

Original poster
Vijac · 22/06/2015 13:26

Thanks Meerka that's a good idea. I do think I will feel better if I can get fit and lose weight. I think I eat emotionally from feeling down and so am finding it hard to lose weight by itself. Getting active and all the endorphins plus seeing adults etc can only help. My gym and crèche is quite affordable compared to many.

OP posts:
RachelRagged · 22/06/2015 13:27

YANBU

Everybody needs some alone time . Daughter will be fine . You go to the Gym.

Original poster
Vijac · 22/06/2015 13:28

Yes, I wasn't sure about the hour in a buggy. But that said I know they would come and get me if after no more than 10mins if she was properly crying.

OP posts:
keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 13:32

you are obviously in a very privileged position if you don't need to work and don't ever need to leave your children at childminder/ nursery/ school.

You are way off the mark.

I am not in any way privileged.
I would never leave a child when he is crying -ever. Except in an emergency, which thankfully hasn't happened.

hibbledibble · 22/06/2015 13:33

This is a gym crèche right, not a nursery?

I wouldn't be happy either about them keeping her cooped up in a buggy.

I would give it a few more goes to see if she improves, and give up if she doesn't.

Maybe get a jogging pushchair?

treeshine · 22/06/2015 13:39

Honestly... I think it is incredibly selfish and I would never have done it when mine where that small. But, we are all different and if you feel ok leaving your baby that young so you can work out then that is your decision .

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 13:42

Agreed treeshine. I couldn't enjoy my gym session after leaving my baby crying for me.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 13:43

keeptothewhiteline please can I ask how many children you have? I have 2 aged 4yo and 3yo, and there have been many times when I've had to leave one in order to attend to the other one; we called it fire-fighting, as the one with the most pressing needs/least internal resources got seen to first and the other as soon as possible after. It would not have been possible to do it otherwise and they both seem fine with having been left for short periods.

I think kids take it much harder if you start to leave them for longer periods at a later stage in their lives rather than an earlier stage, as they're that much more used to the system. I put DS1 in nursery once a week from 11mo and both him and DS2 in for 1 day a week when DS2 was 6mo. I loved my day off from them and they loved nursery; in fact they ended up going there FT when I went back to work and they usually run in without bothering to say goodbye because they're so excited to see their friends Grin

Go to the gym op, I assure you that she will be fine.

ReallyTired · 22/06/2015 13:44

treeshine

Leaving a baby for one hour is not going to him/her. I don't think the OP is being selfish as all.

Its is horrible that they left her cooped up in her buggy. Your baby needs to be able to stretch an attempt to crawl about or be picked up and cuddled. If she is going to be in the buggy then you might as well have her with you facing you while you run on the treadmill.

One hour of good quality childcare will not hurt a baby.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 13:46

Oh and as an additional point she will benefit more from you doing it at this age than at 9mo, which is when separation anxiety can properly kick in. A friend of mine had to go back to work when her DS1 was 6mo and she said that by the time it got to the separation anxiety stage, no-one noticed because he was happily attached to his key worker!

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 13:46

lady- fine for you. I have two children, neither have ever been left while crying and I know never will.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 13:54

keep I'm just puzzled as to how that is actually achievable. Could you elaborate please?

Also, you simply can't guarantee that you won't ever need to run off to attend to someone/something else. What if another family member had an accident and you were the only one available to go help them? Would you insist on taking your kids with you to see an injured person so that they wouldn't have to be left crying without you? What if YOU have an accident and have to go to hospital? Will you refuse to go because your kids would be left crying without you?

I can't help but think that you're creating the potential for a situation where they will suffer more than they might otherwise, all because you can't bear to see them sad. You're not doing them any favours in the long run.

Meerka · 22/06/2015 14:00

Agreed that she shouldnt be in the buggy the whole time!

I don't think bandying words like 'selfish' is helpful at all.

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 14:00

Yes I have done them favours. I have never walked out on them crying. Not once.
And now as my nearly 18 year old is confidently planning his gap year to New Zealand I am happy that he has grown into such a secure young man.

It has been totally achievable.

vvega · 22/06/2015 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 14:04

It is a biggie to some of us though. I don't see them as "high standards", just won't leave my children when they are crying.
It has been easy to achieve.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 14:06

Well could you maybe tell us how you did it, keep? It is a genuine question. I am asking you to engage in a conversation about your child-rearing practices; instead of just telling us what you did, could you tell us how you did it please?

vvega · 22/06/2015 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReallyTired · 22/06/2015 14:07

Does the baby habe particular routine? Would it be possible to time the gym visit during nap time? There is a difference between leaving a baby crying on its own in a buggy and cuddling a crying baby.

SaucyJack · 22/06/2015 14:09

There's a fairly big scope for manoeuvre between never, ever leaving a crying a child even in an emergency and regularly planning to put them in a childcare setting you know upsets them just to do a gym class.

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 14:12

Never used childminders, baby sitters, grandparents, creche or nursery. The school welcomed parents to stay as long as they wanted to with children to make sure they were not being left upset. I stayed two days with DS, a day with DD ( as did many other parents. I left once I could see they were comfortable and happy.