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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

785 replies

Vijac · 22/06/2015 11:00

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

OP posts:

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 15:50

THat wasn't luck vvega. That was a planned course of action.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 15:51

It grows into a culture of having to justify yourself though, in that case:

a) going to the gym - insufficient reason to leave child

b) job interview - insufficient reason to leave child

c) funeral of family member - might be sufficient depending on who it is

d) life-saving surgery on self - possibly a good enough reason (although you still should have handled matters better so it never occurred in the first place)

It all sounds judgemental by design.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 15:53

Oh good grief keep. You made plans and they worked out for you, which is good. You do realise that luck played a part in that, right? Even if we do make our own luck some of the time, the rest of it is based on sheer flukey chance.

You've been fortunate that nothing crappy has happened to you that has neccessitated you giving up your idyllic existence. Please at least acknowledge that making a plan does not = the plan working out as you wish it to.

meglet · 22/06/2015 15:53

but the Ops long term health is important. yes, you can get some level of exercise pushing a buggy in a park but unless you are at gym you don't have the option of many weights, trainers to advise you or big equipment like a TRX or swimming pool.

as it says on the walls of our gym "those who don't make time for fitness will need to make time for illness". (scary but true).

vvega · 22/06/2015 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 15:55

vvega- it is easy to work from home.

meglet · 22/06/2015 15:56

I hadn't noticed many supermarket workers / police officers or chefs working from home .

Tessbrookes · 22/06/2015 15:57

I loved spending time with my little ones. Every precious minute.

This kind of attitude reeeeealllly pisses me off. All through the thread, you've kept saying "I'd never leave my child crying" - when if you'd ever used a nursery you'd know that they'd cry for literally seconds. When I used to have to go to work ds went a couple of mornings a week and always cried when I had to leave.
It used to heartbreak me but I had no choice. The nursery workers always said he was fine after I left, so one morning I left as usual but only went as far as outside the door and peeked in.
Literally minutes after leaving he was running around laughing and playing. They know how to make you feel guilty!
If you prolonged and fannied about, they'd pick up on it and be more upset.
So if you've never used any childcare, how do you know what it's like to leave them?
Also - what does the quote bit at the top of my post mean? Comes across as very passive aggressive shit. ALL mums like every precious minute with their little ones.

Tessbrookes · 22/06/2015 15:58

Oh, forgot to say to OP - course you're not going to damage your baby for putting them in nursery for an hour or so!
Honestly, don't worry about it.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 15:59

I think that quote was in response to me being a heartless non-maternal bitch tessbrookes. Which is true a lot of the time, to be fair. I called myself that btw, keep didn't.

keeptothewhiteline · 22/06/2015 16:00

I'd hate being at home with my kids now

Not everyone seems to enjoy being with their kids.

RinkRashDerbyKisses · 22/06/2015 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

abearcalledpaddington · 22/06/2015 16:04

I have to disagree with most posters and say that if she is crying then she obviously doesn't want to be away from you, and at 7 months who can blame her?

There is plenty of time to go to a gym, could you not do an exercise dvd when she naps or go to the gym in the evenings?

Plus at 7 months i wouldn't leave my child with someone i didn't know, qualified or not.

Tessbrookes · 22/06/2015 16:06

For my second dc I put him in nursery for one morning a week when I didn't have to. Got a few cats bum faces from my mum and "well, you don't need to, do you?"
No, I don't, but I WANT to. He enjoys it, gets a morning doing different stuff and socialising and I get a morning to myself
Each to their own. I personally don't get why some parents are so desperate to martyr themselves and completely surrender their entire self to mummydom and cease to exist in their own right too which is just as important.
As I said though, each to their own. All the guilt mums put upon themselves is bonkers. You shouldn't even have to ASK if an hour or so will damage your baby - of course it won't!

abearcalledpaddington · 22/06/2015 16:07

They are not fine after you have left.

I worked as a nanny once and stuck around for a bit after drop off time at my charges nursery, she was 11m. There were babies crying when they had to be separated from their mothers and the nursery workers all told them they would be fine when they left but they were not, it took them a long time, i stayed for around half an hour and some were still either crying or very subdued.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 16:08

I do enjoy the evenings and weekends with them keep mostly

I would just really struggle with the day-to-day grind of it all if I were home FT. I was a SAHM for 2 years and it drove me onto antidepressants, so I think I can categorically say that your lifestyle would not suit me.

I am just hanging on and looking forward to them being old enough to have actual conversations and think interesting thoughts, really. It's starting with DS1 and I'm sure DS2 will catch up soon.

TalkinPeace · 22/06/2015 16:08

TBH if your children are used to being left with nursery / childminder / creche / friends
for routine events
it makes the emergency ones "just another day"
which is a good thing

its a very modern, western, unusual idea that mothers are the sole carers of children

abearcalledpaddington · 22/06/2015 16:11

Its funny how the attitude to childcare has changed since it became free from 3 (is it 2 now).

I am another one who loves spending time with my kids,tantrums,mess and all.So much so that i home educate them, all 5 of them!

RinkRashDerbyKisses · 22/06/2015 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 16:12

Absolutely agree TalkinPeace. My Arabic grandmother had 13 DC, 6 of which lived to adulthood. If you asked my dad or any of his siblings whether their mother ever let them cry they'd laugh at you hysterically and say 'Yes of COURSE she did - she had a house to run and lots of children, what do you expect?' My dad views me as soft, which tells you something

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 22/06/2015 16:13

I stopped going to the gym because the creche was dismal. DS2 was so upset at being left, he would still be sad when I got back. I couldn't do it.

I did what I could at home, and started again when he went to preschool - which he loved and we've never had a backwards glance from him.

SaucyJack · 22/06/2015 16:13

It's a very modern, Western, unusual idea that we should all be going to the gym......

abearcalledpaddington · 22/06/2015 16:13

Talkinpeace

It is also a very unusual western idea that groups of children are shipped off to institutions to be "looked after" by strangers.

TalkinPeace · 22/06/2015 16:16

saucyjack
The gym has replaced working in the fields while children were left with grandmothers or older sisters
abear
indeed, but then not all of us live anywhere near any family any more and wet nurses are more expensive than they used to be.

LadyPlumpington · 22/06/2015 16:17

Poor op, all she wanted was a simple yes or no

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