To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

[Vijac]

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

Boffin, you refer to Scandinavia there where actually children don't start formal school until 7 because it is deemed that they should be in a home situation until then.

They don't stay home. They quite frequently go to heavily-subsidised kindergartens that cost about £50-£100 a week for all day care. Most can read before they start school.

nightsky
A nice ewe neck mule for him while you have a morgan will set the priorities straight

And as scrumpy so utterly rightly says
motherhood is not a zero sum game
Mums love their jobs
they then get more love for their husband
they then get more love for each of their kids
and even more love for their kids partners
and even more love for their grandchildren

there is no rationing in a healthy individual

Norway

90% of kids aged 1-5 attend state kindergartens

Boffin - what is the "seriously" about?

Your enduring view is not exactly right - and what I had written was to do with anxiety about being away from primary carer, nothing to do with not going out and not socialising - two entirely different things

However - your penultimate paragraph is pretty much saying the same thing as my last 4 lines. I wrote also "All of SAH, "attachment", nursery are valid child care choices."

Seriously!

I think it's unusual for Scandinavian mothers stay at home with their child once the child is over 1 year - 18 months.

Talkin hmm, don't know whether that will get the message across clearly enough, perhaps a three legged ewe necked mule? (We do actually have one of those, he's very sweet!)

Sorry to derail for a second OP.

Sweden

www.oecd.org/edu/school/37423778.pdf

I spent a lot of time in Sweden as a child and knew of no one who used childcare. Maybe I knew the 10% Boffin!
Being able to read before school isn't solely achievable by children who go to nursery though is it? I'm not sure of the point you're making there. My dd1 was a fluent reader by the time she started school. She never went on a reading scheme at all because there was no point. She didn't do a day in nursery.
I think that there are some shoddy parents out there (and I'm not referring to any of you so please hang fire with your "nobs") whose children will no doubt benefit greatly from decent childcare. However there are also some excellent parents whose dedication far surpasses anything that a nursery can offer.
Not all nurseries are the same, not all parenting skills are the same.

Demark

www.oecd.org/denmark/1942303.pdf

According to the OECD reports and so on, childcare use for over-1s is very widespread these days in Norway, Sweden and Denmark, with 80-90%+ of kids in daycare.

singsongsung
some of the shoddiest parents I've met and heard of have been of the ultra rich drug addled variety whose children life with staff not parents

its nowt to do with hugging and all about mental support.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad

Think that happens regardless of early years childcare setting

Lady Plumptington you really cant imagine being able to put more than one child to bed without the other crying?Seriously?

I have 5, youngest is 18m, still bf.Oldest is 7.

The older 3 stay downstairs and either watch something or carry on with whatever they are doing (colouring or playing or something) i take the younger 2 up, we all get into my bed and i feed the youngest while the 2 yr old cuddles into my other side.They are both asleep within 10-20 minutes.

I go downstairs,the older 3 come up with me,they have their own rooms but always bunk in together as they like it,i read them a story each,give them a cuddle and talk about what we will do tomorrow, and then give them a cuddly toy each,maybe a couple of books to look at and then turn the light down a bit and say goodnight.

No tears.

paddington- your betimes sound lovely.
Although I have only two children bedtimes have always been happy times too.
I have never had bedtime tears either.

Medal in the post.

S thread is bonkers and the OP hasn't been here since last Monday!!

Here's an idea folks, go and do what works best for your family and crack on! Problem solved!

I said that I really can't imagine putting MY children to bed without tears. But thanks for making me feel even more ineffectual than I do already and not providing any actual advice, keep.

I've tried all the stuff you describe by the way - it always ends in tears regardless.

sing - my point was that one minute you say that you can't understand why anyone would choose to be away from their children unnecessarily, then the next minute you're saying that you do have a social life and hobbies and leave your DC in the care of their dad.

But isn't every time you go out to see friends or pursue your hobby you choosing to be away from your children when you don't need to be?

Or is it ok to for people to have a life outside of their children as long as they don't use childcare to live it?

plumpton- but you say you are so wonderfully happy in your parenting style, surely tears at bedtime is fine. As to making you "feel even more ineffectual" - well thats not my doing. Paddington and I have pointed out that tears at bedtime is not always the case.

I disagree.
I co-slept with my children until they were happy to take themselves off to the big bed.
My toddlers would race upstairs as soon as bedtime was announced. Always a very happy snuggling down.

Keep, you disagree based on your entirely unrepresentative sample of 1.

We have very good friends who are Norwegian and every child they know is in daycare from about 12/18 months (their circle is mostly urban professionals).

They were actually shocked to find this is not the case in UK and worried about the knock on effects it would have on children's socialisation and independence (a very big deal in Norway).

Of course, their provision is very high quality - but horses for courses and all that.

Writer, I go out once every blue flood without my children at which point my dh looks after them. He goes out once every blue flood without children at which point I look after them. And when I say once every blue flood I really do mean that it is very very rare. We share our childcare responsibilities.

He is every bit as good a parent as I am, in fact in many ways he's better.

laurie- actually based on two- including paddington, and lots more that I know in RL.

That proves it is is possible. Unless you are suggesting that these six or so families are the only ones in the world who don't have tears at bedtime in the world- and I happen to know them all.
Thats statistically very unlikely.