To put dd 7m into nursery so I can go to the gym?

[Vijac]

I've just started putting her in for an hour two times a week. The first sessions were ok but today at her 4th session her face just crumpled when I said goodbye which wrenched my heart :(. She obviously realised I was leaving her. Am I mean putting her in just so I can go the gym. I just want to get fit and lose some weight finally. Will I damage her according to attachment parenting? Thanks.

Can you tell I read through an 8 page psychologists report on DS's issues today. Not in my most patient frame of mind with psycho-babble.

And if it's any comfort OP - even DS had at some point to learn that I would always come back (didn't have a great record of carers "coming back"). Now it might not at 7 months be the right time for your DD to learn this but at some point she will have to, so try it now and then keep trying at regular intervals if it doesn't work this time.

Thanks for telling your story Kewcumber - it really puts things in perspective. I hope things improve for you and your DS.

Thanks for the advice itsmine

Thank you for posting kewcumber. You sound like a down to earth and compasionate person.

Thank you for telling us about him kewcumber - you sound like a brilliant parent and I can understand why the phrase 'attachment parenting' annoys you so much in this context.

Puttinf your child into nursery to enable you to go out to work=acceptable. To put your child into nursery just so you can go to the gym or have a social life=unnacepatable!

kewcumber, after reading your post I've got something stuck in my throat. Not that that was your intention; but you put things in perspective.

Wishing you and your little one the very best of luck, and a great deal of healing. Your little one sounds like he or she has a good chance, with you as Mum.

Kewcumber wins the thread
And proves that the OP is going to be just fine

Thanks for sharing kew. Definitley puts things in perspective.

I drop my dd at crèche twice a week at the gym. She's took a few sessions to settle in but loves it now and I am fit and healthy again. I wish I had done it sooner and not felt ridiculous guilt and anxiety about it.
Go for it - you won't regret it????

Sobering post Kewcumber, and does indeed put things into perspective. Wishing the best to you and your son.

Brilliant post kew and to you

I too hate the label attachment parenting, because it has nothing to do with real, scientific attachment, as you have already shown, Kew.
I work with adults with mental health problems, many of them have attachment issues. These are caused by serious traumas in the early years such as severe neglect, abuse, having an alcoholic parent. Really shitty, stuff.

To imply that being left in nursery or childcare does cause attachment issues and that we should all give up our jobs, work from home and never leave our children's sides or have a life of our own is just ridiculous. Thankfully the majority of people on here agree.

Ye, I think kewcumber wrote the definitive post there!

A wonderful post kewcumber

Thanks for posting that kewcumber, you sound like an amazing parent and that was a fantastic post.

I don't like ap as a concept either and don't profess to subscribe to it. I've never "worn" by baby (hideous concept). I don't co sleep. I bfd for 6 months. I don't think for a minute that an hour at nursery would damage a child but there's a whole gap between causing damage and doing what's best. As a parent I do admit to striving to do what's best for my children, over and above what's always best for me. I'm in my 40s- an old crock. I can handle less than perfection far better than my 10 month old can.
In my opinion young children are better off at home. That is based on my experience with my own and my knowledge of other people's experiences. I don't think 2 hours a week at a crèche will damage a child. I do think that a full time place at 7 months might (and in fact there is some evidence to support this) but that's not what we're talking about here.
I do think that those who are at home full time are getting it right. I know from my own daughter that children benefit massively from full on one to one attention. I do wish I could do that again with dd2. Because I can't I aim to get as close to it as possible by minimising time away to the bare minimum. I genuinely don't understand why anyone would choose to spend more time than necessary away from their young children.
I agree entirely that there are many shades of right and wrong when it comes to parenting children.

I can't help but feel some sexism exists in this topic.

"I can't understand why anyone would spend time away from their children if it isn't necessary"

Does this apply to the dad's who seem to have no problem maintaining their social life despite having children - or is this ridiculous concept saved only for the mothers?

Thank you Kew. Your son has a wonderful mother.

you don't know before you have your DC how you will find it. I found being at home with DD for 2 years pretty awful, I didn't know how or what to do and was riddled with anxiety. I was pretty unhappy. Do you really think that's better than cutting down time with mum and involving a professional? Because I dont. I don't think I gave DD the best start in life by being at home with her full time for the first 2 years. She's 5 now and doesn't seem too damaged by this start, but for me personally it wasn't the start I rould give Her if I could do it again.

Writer, as I've said lots of times on this thread it absolutely applies to my dh. He works hours around childcare so that he has a day at home with dd2 while I'm at work. He doesn't go out any more than I do.
I can't speak for anyone else's dh but I can speak for mine who would actually be quite offended at the idea that he is less active in his parenting than me.

In my opinion young children are better off at home. That is based on my experience with my own and my knowledge of other people's experiences

And what evidence have you based your opinion on? Your own experience and presumably that of a few of your friends who have never used child care? You are incredibly blinkered and insulting.

I do think that those who are at home full time are getting it right

The majority of reasonable people believe that there a number of ways to 'get it right' whether this is working part time, full time or staying at home. Thank Christ people with your opinions are in the minority.

Writter i think that you make a good point. There are plenty of posters in this thread who talk about "the mum" who wants to go to the gym or whatever and whether that is selfish. If we consider a couple of a sahm and a wohd, is it selfish for him to go to the gym or have drinks with mates?

actually in fairness there's a book by an australian author about bringing up boys that claims the same, that it's better with very young children if they aren't in childcare all day, every day. He's highly influential in Oz, apparently. I can't lay my hands on my copy atm but he gives studies that show that, I think.

What he does not do is get all sanctimonious about it. He says so very gently and with a lot of sympathy and understanding for those people who simply cannot do that, of whom there are many.

He's also got a lot of common sense. He'd think that it was ridiculous to make a fuss about 2 separate hours in a week when the mother can check back every 15 mins if she wanted, in 99% of cases.