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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect to use the en-suite shower if it's the only decent shower in the house?

329 replies

climbingquickly · 20/06/2015 21:19

Stayed 3 nights with DH's friends. They stay with us from time to time. (FYI we have a family bathroom with walk-in shower plus an extra bathroom downstairs with bath only, our guests welcome to use both). They had a new house, gave us the guided tour. Lovely guestroom with a guest bathroom next to it but guest bathroom only had a bath with a shower-attachment (think 3/4 tiled bath with a low-level shower attachment designed for hair-washing). Their en-suite had a walk-in power shower.

So first morning, after breakfast I asked hostess can I use your walk-in shower, she looked surprised but said ok. So I had a quick 10-min shower. When I came out her DP was in bedroom doing up his shirt, he looked at me in shock, said 'guest bathroom's down the hall' so I explained his wife had said i can use en-suite as I wanted a proper shower. Later my DH said his friend had asked him to tell me not to use their en-suite next time! Blush

So for rest of visit I had to crouch in bath-tub washing myself with a handheld shower attachment! DH shrugged it off but i think it's very rude not to let guests use the only decent shower! Was IBU to think they should have let us use their en-suite?

OP posts:
dougierose · 20/06/2015 22:05

We are in the middle of doing our house up and the only decent shower is our ensuite. We had friends to stay and I was surprised that they actually chose to use the crappy downstairs shower rather than the lovely power shower that we had - I'd cleaned it and spruced up the ensuite especially for them!

Everyone is different i suppose.

Thurlow · 20/06/2015 22:05

10 mins is quick?!

Scrub face, wash hair, put in conditioner, shave legs, wash body, wash out conditioner... That's still 4-5 mins max, surely?

mandy214 · 20/06/2015 22:06

You are definitely being unreasonable. You don't ask to use someone else's ensuite (so you'd have to wander through their bedroom etc) just because you don't like to bathe in a particular way in the bathroom they've offered Hmm.

And no your friends were not BU in asking you not to use it again or by not offering it in the first place. Have a bath !!

ShelaghTurner · 20/06/2015 22:08

No way. I don't have an en suite but if I did it'd be my own private space and I wouldn't want to as someone else's for that same reason. Very rude to expect to access all areas. You had adequate facilities provided, she didn't exactly leave you a tin bath and a kettle. I'm sure for a few days you could live with it.

Nancery · 20/06/2015 22:09

Going against the grain here, I don't think you were being unreasonable. It's a shower, you weren't rummaging around their bedside drawers or shagging in their bed. Some people are so territorial!

WorraLiberty · 20/06/2015 22:14

"Maybe I'm precious but I would personally hate to have no other option but to roll around in someone else tub shudders "

Well yes, that does sound a bit precious.

Firstly, why would you be rolling around in someone else's bath, instead of just washing yourself?

Is the 'shudder' because you feel the bath wouldn't be clean enough?

How do you cope with sitting on their toilet?

Postchildrenpregranny · 20/06/2015 22:14

Our en suite is mine (alone)
DH uses the family bathroom....
I think its rudeto ask TB it was only3 days . Whats wrong witha bath and a quick rinse ?

eddiemairswife · 20/06/2015 22:17

How peculiar are some people? What on earth is wrong with wallowing in a lovely hot bath?

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 20/06/2015 22:17

YABVVU!

mileend2bermondsey · 20/06/2015 22:20

Is the 'shudder' because you feel the bath wouldn't be clean enough?
Yes basically. Im sure most of my friends clean well enough but I would detest to have no other option than a bath. I would never have a bath anywhere but my own home. I lived in shared houses for years and never had baths because the effort of cleaning it to my standard takes too long for it to be worth it. Maybe thats weird, I dunno?

SurlyCue · 20/06/2015 22:21

Wow i am really shocked at the responses here! I dont think YABU at all OP. I lived in a house like you desribe with the only shower in my ensuite. Hose attachment in family bathroom. Every guest was invited to use my ensuite for their shower but also welcome to have a bath. Im really surprised people think you were rude to ask.

peltata · 20/06/2015 22:21

A first world problem for sure Smile

If it is their new house with an ensuite etc I don't think they can be blamed for enjoying some areas all to themselves especially if it means getting dressed without a woman who is not your wife coming out unexpected!

reni1 · 20/06/2015 22:24

I would use what I'm given, so the guest bathroom in this case. I personally would offer the en-suite, but it is a bit rude to ask if not offered. You wouldn't ask for a better bedroom either.

Noodledoodledoo · 20/06/2015 22:25

Also in my mad 'clean before we have visitors' cleaning fest there is a high likelihood the ensuite would have been a low priority so may not be at 'guest' standard.

expatinscotland · 20/06/2015 22:25

'How peculiar are some people? What on earth is wrong with wallowing in a lovely hot bath?'

PITA to wash your bits and hair, takes forever, doesn't feel clean unless you crouch around rinsing.

I wouldn't buy a house like this in a million years. So backwards, not to have showers in the main bathroom.

expatinscotland · 20/06/2015 22:26

I'd have used what was given, but next time, booked a hotel.

Janethegirl · 20/06/2015 22:26

I must have upset loads of people over the years then, I've never let anyone use my ensuite, ever!

And I don't ever intend too!!

VivaLeBeaver · 20/06/2015 22:27

I think they were rude in not offering
I think you were quite cheeky asking, but depends how well you know them.
I think the Dh was very rude telling your Dh about not using it again.

expatinscotland · 20/06/2015 22:31

I wouldn't be in any hurry to visit them again. The husband sounds like a twat.

BoffinMum · 20/06/2015 22:32

It's not a sodding hotel.
YABU

mileend2bermondsey · 20/06/2015 22:36

Agree with expat, the husband sounds unpleasant.

coconutpie · 20/06/2015 22:38

I think you are being VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV U. And incredibly rude and entitled. It is beyond bad manners to demand to use somebody's ensuite bathroom when there are perfectly adequate facilities in the family bathroom. That's their private space.

How are you that oblivious that you didn't realise that she was uncomfortable when you asked? You said she looked surprised - how could it be any more obvious that she didn't really want you using it? I feel sorry for her DH too - thinking he was in his private bedroom and next thing you appear!

I'm shocked you demanded the ensuite tbh and shocked that you think you are entitled to use it. Personally I'd have told you no, that the facilities in the family bathroom should be more than enough. You are a very ungracious house guest!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/06/2015 22:41

You are being so unreasonable it can't be true.

momtothree · 20/06/2015 22:42

Wow - en-suite definately out of bounds - can we assume Hubby was on his way to work? Could you not wait til he`d gone?

SurlyCue · 20/06/2015 22:42

I cant see where OP demanded to use the ensuite.

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