AIBU to expect to use the en-suite shower if it's the only decent shower in the house?

[climbingquickly]

Stayed 3 nights with DH's friends. They stay with us from time to time. (FYI we have a family bathroom with walk-in shower plus an extra bathroom downstairs with bath only, our guests welcome to use both). They had a new house, gave us the guided tour. Lovely guestroom with a guest bathroom next to it but guest bathroom only had a bath with a shower-attachment (think 3/4 tiled bath with a low-level shower attachment designed for hair-washing). Their en-suite had a walk-in power shower.

So first morning, after breakfast I asked hostess can I use your walk-in shower, she looked surprised but said ok. So I had a quick 10-min shower. When I came out her DP was in bedroom doing up his shirt, he looked at me in shock, said 'guest bathroom's down the hall' so I explained his wife had said i can use en-suite as I wanted a proper shower. Later my DH said his friend had asked him to tell me not to use their en-suite next time!

So for rest of visit I had to crouch in bath-tub washing myself with a handheld shower attachment! DH shrugged it off but i think it's very rude not to let guests use the only decent shower! Was IBU to think they should have let us use their en-suite?

Nobody is a misery guts for not opening their entire house up to someone, that's called being entitled. 'Hosting' is a very formal word in itself, I have friends to 'stay'. Friends respect my space, and I theirs when visiting. It does not make us bad friends for not opening up our entire homes to each other, it would if they demand to use 'better facilities' in my bedroom.

'But what is so difficult to understand that some people may prefer a bath and therefore chose that option from the builder?'

For the same reason it appears to be difficult to understand that some people prefer a shower.

The hosts prefer a shower, at any rate. In their precious en-suite.

'You would never set foot in my home again, and I'd probably end up not bothering to return your calls and phase you out of my life completely.'

And hopefully, OP, you have got such people out of your life. No big loss.

OP is gone - she hasn't posted at all since the opening post.

Plus the Op said she has had these folk as guests several times. She also has two bathrooms which she offers to them to decide which suits them best. They also have two bathrooms but one is a magical ensuite so is too good for guests. Weird.

I never offer the ensuite to guests and they have never asked to use it.

I dont let guests use the ensuite.

I wish people would stop giving verdicts based on their own houses and friends' houses. Unless the houses involved are identical their own situation is totally irrelevant and nobody here knows what everybody said, and when and how they said it.

That was the OPs choice though bambam. They don't have to 'return the favour', and are not rude for doing so. They have a perfect right to keep their bedroom completely private. Seems the op was more stealth bragging about having more bathrooms in her house than the host actually.

No, you cannot infer that the hosts PREFER a shower from the fact they have a shower in their en suite. Many en suites are not large enough for a bath, therefore a shower is the only option. The hosts may actually prefer a bath.

Nobody has any problem in understanding that some people prefer a shower. Actually in my post that you quoted I said that I prefered a shower.

That doesn't negate the fact that if the people buying a new build house ask for a bath rather than a shower, then that us their prerogative. Nobody gets a shower when they prefer a bath on the grounds that fussy guests might object at some point in the future!

However, OP was able to have a shower. She just didn't like having to stand in the bath and hold the shower head in her hand while she did so. No need for this ridiculous scenario of having to bend over in a crouch. It is perfectly easy to wash standing up with a hand held shower.

What on earth would she have done if there was no en suite with power shower? Coped. Hopefully without complaining.

I didn't see a stealth boast. OP has the same number of bathrooms as the host.

No one can infer FA about the hosts' bathing preference for that matter, Soldier. Do calm down, dear, 'tis only an internet thread where the OP hasn't even come back. No need to get excited about it.

I can't believe people are slagging off the poor husband-host. I'd be absolutely mortified and outraged if any man other than my partner suddenly appeared in my bedroom, especially if I was only half dressed. I think he handled the situation fairly calmly.

Yes, I know that it is impossible to infer anything about the hosts bathing preference, expat. That was the point of my first paragraph, in response to your statement that the hosts preferred a shower. And it was the reason why I wrote that the hosts MAY prefer a bath, because it is not possible to state definitively about their preferences.

I am perfectly calm, thank you for asking. Listening to The Archers on catch up and sipping wine. Bliss.

I must live in another dimension.

Because:

I have a full bath, with a shower head and, this is where the other dimension comes, with a wall holder for the shower head. It's not hard to install. Some can even be height regulated.

People don't have to choose between a bath and a shower. They can have both.

PS - if the walls are not tiled to a sufficient height and there is no shower curtain or screen, it's not healthy to hold the shower head high, as it will scatter water everywhere and will damage the nontiled walls.

Me visiting friends: oh, no proper shower in the family bathroom. Hey oh, will use what's there.

Friends visiting me: can I yes your ensuite as I prefer a power shower.
Me: no problem

Yes, I'd go flipping ballistic if I was getting dressed in my bedroom and some strange bloke appeared.

They would certainly never be welcome back.

Presumably if he was a "strange bloke" rather than a friend he wasn't invited in the first place Athena. The OP wasn't a burglar.

I would be annoyed with my spouse if anyone, as the DW should have told her DH the OP was using the shower. Should the OP, on asking the DW if she could use the ensuite, have said "great, thanks, I'll just track down/phone your DH to let him know I'm going to have a shower in case he wants to change his shirt".

I just never realises an ensuite was such a magical, special thing.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing

I'm thinking Classics. People will wonder in the future why en suites are controversial in MN.

I just never realises an ensuite was such a magical, special thing.

Oh, it is. Mine has a shower with a seat and an inbuilt radio.
Once you've been there your life will never be the same.

Which is why I almost never use it. It must be taken in small doses.

And people whose cause to be mortified or go ballistic is to be found doing up a shirt.

Puts all those time I stripped naked to go to hot springs baths in perspective.

My pals ex bought a shower like that, Lweji. It also had a phone in it.
He couldn't work out why she wouldn't use the phone in the shower.
Good news though, it was I their main bathroom as the en suite was only big enough for a loo and a wash hand basin.

I love those ones with inbuilt seats, Lweji. They are great for shower sex, too.

I have learnt that people install ensuite showers for the purposes of indulging in anal sex.

Can't say that knowledge has improved my life, though.

'I have learnt that people install ensuite showers for the purposes of indulging in anal sex.'

You learn something new every day. You can have vaginal sex in them, too.