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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect to use the en-suite shower if it's the only decent shower in the house?

329 replies

climbingquickly · 20/06/2015 21:19

Stayed 3 nights with DH's friends. They stay with us from time to time. (FYI we have a family bathroom with walk-in shower plus an extra bathroom downstairs with bath only, our guests welcome to use both). They had a new house, gave us the guided tour. Lovely guestroom with a guest bathroom next to it but guest bathroom only had a bath with a shower-attachment (think 3/4 tiled bath with a low-level shower attachment designed for hair-washing). Their en-suite had a walk-in power shower.

So first morning, after breakfast I asked hostess can I use your walk-in shower, she looked surprised but said ok. So I had a quick 10-min shower. When I came out her DP was in bedroom doing up his shirt, he looked at me in shock, said 'guest bathroom's down the hall' so I explained his wife had said i can use en-suite as I wanted a proper shower. Later my DH said his friend had asked him to tell me not to use their en-suite next time! Blush

So for rest of visit I had to crouch in bath-tub washing myself with a handheld shower attachment! DH shrugged it off but i think it's very rude not to let guests use the only decent shower! Was IBU to think they should have let us use their en-suite?

OP posts:
thenightsky · 20/06/2015 21:35

So the DH was surprised to see you emerge from the en suite which was attached the bedroom he was in whilst doing up shirt? Is he stone deaf? How the fuck did he not hear that someone was running a powerful shower about 6ft away from him?

We have a similar set up... main bathroom has walk-in rainfall type shower. En suite has power shower and bath. I tell guests to use which they prefer.

It's easy to tell if someone is in either room as I can hear the fan going and the water running.

QuiteLikely5 · 20/06/2015 21:36

What sort of friends do some of you have? Jeez no one who is good friends would mind this surely?

teacher54321 · 20/06/2015 21:37

I wouldn't let people use our ensuite. Our bedroom is out of bounds. Ds has an ensuite (ridiculous new build house with 2 ensuites and a family bathroom with the set up you describe) so people use his. He is only 3 so doesn't use the shower in there yet. I think you were precious and rude. There was a perfectly adequate bathroom for you to use, just have a quick bath.

mileend2bermondsey · 20/06/2015 21:38

How the fuck did he not hear that someone was running a powerful shower about 6ft away from him?
This.

Anyone who would prefer for guests to try and shower hunched up whilst holding a shower head, when there is a perfectly good shower available in the house are very poor hosts IMO.

Sparklingbrook · 20/06/2015 21:39

I am glad you linked to the other thread GloGirl I was having a deja vu type experience.

Janethegirl · 20/06/2015 21:39

My ensuite is not for sharing, ever!

However the downstairs shower room has a perfectly acceptable shower so it's unlikely to ever be an issue!

WorraLiberty · 20/06/2015 21:41

Anyone who would prefer for guests to try and shower hunched up whilst holding a shower head, when there is a perfectly good shower available in the house are very poor hosts IMO.

She didn't need a shower because she was given access to a perfectly good bath.

It just wasn't what she wanted that's all.

gamerchick · 20/06/2015 21:42

If 10 minutes is a quick shower then how long is a not so quick?

I wouldn't know what to do with myself for 10 minutes.. It doesn't take that long to shower.

Dismalfuckers · 20/06/2015 21:42

YABVU.

As a guest it is good manners to use the facilities provided.

Using someone's en-suite is weird, it's their private space.

It's only for a couple of days, so just put up with it, or stay in a hotel if you require showering perfection at all times.

Fairylea · 20/06/2015 21:43

I think if you are a guest you do as you're told :) ... which means you use the bathroom you're offered, you don't ask to use another just because you fancy it more.

I think en suites are pretty personal spaces. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a bath or a slosh over bath shower for a night or two..

hoobypickypickyisborednow · 20/06/2015 21:43

Anyone who would ask to use a couple's en suite facilities when they have use of a perfectly functional bathroom elsewhere in the house is a rather rude guest IMO.

Bedrooms are private places and so, by extension are en suite facilities, especially when they're owned by a couple and not just a single friend. The OP wasn't going without the means to get clean - she just didn't have a bathroom which was exactly to her specification. That's just demanding and precious.

morage · 20/06/2015 21:44

I let my guests use our en suit shower. I want friends to feel at home and relaxed.

expatinscotland · 20/06/2015 21:44

They are poor hosts. Baths suck.

OTheHugeManatee · 20/06/2015 21:45

YWBU. Their arrangements for guest bathing may not have been ideal but you should use the facilities offered with grace, not point this out and, definitely not insist on encroaching on their en-suite bathroom. How rude and intrusive.

teacher54321 · 20/06/2015 21:45

Depends who the guest is-my mum or sister-of course. The wife of my DH's friend, no way.

Apricota · 20/06/2015 21:46

Yabvu

Janethegirl · 20/06/2015 21:47

I would never expect access to a host's ensuite. You are given access to a perfectly functional bathroom, use it! If you are that picky, book into a hotel.....or grow the fuck up!

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 20/06/2015 21:51

As Dismal says using somebody else's en suite sounds a properly weird thing to want to do to me, unless there was no other bathroom in working order (which was not the case).

It's a step away from complaining the sofa bed isn't a proper bed so asking your hosts to scooch over so you can hop into their luxury super king size with them - after all you're all friends and they've got the only decent proper non sofa bed... HmmShockGrin

Jengnr · 20/06/2015 21:51

Why did you have to crouch? How short was the cable?

mileend2bermondsey · 20/06/2015 21:51

She didn't need a shower
I didnt say she needed a shower, but surely as a host you'd want your guests to be as comfortable as possible?

she was given access to a perfectly good bath
Maybe I'm precious but I would personally hate to have no other option but to roll around in someone else tub shudders

WixingMords · 20/06/2015 21:51

Finding it difficult to get past the 'quick 10 minute shower' part!! That's a long shower

Anyway, if the only shower available in your house is in the en-suite then yes I think you should offer it to your guests use.

If it was the set up in my house then I'd offer it to my guest anyway

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 20/06/2015 21:52

Rude of you to ask. Even ruder of them not to offer & be gracious about it. But mostly theyABU by not having reasonable 21st century bathing and showering facilities for their guests.

first world problem innit Grin

TwartFaceBeetj · 20/06/2015 21:57

Glogirl I was just coming on to mention that!

Wonder if it's ops friends house?

Noodledoodledoo · 20/06/2015 21:58

Ensuites are private - the only time I would offer it is if it is physically impossible for someone to use our main bathroom, the shower attachment wasn't working in the main bathroom or I had loads of people staying that it would help the crush.

Wouldn't even think to ask. I have used a jug for the past 10 years at my dads house when I stay as the shower is rubbish.

Oh and I can do hair wash, shave legs, pumice feet and body scrub in less than 10 mins in a shower - years of practice as we didn't have a shower at home. My showers take less than 5 mins!

scabbycat · 20/06/2015 21:59

YABU to 'expect' access to their en suite just because you didn't fancy having a bath for a couple of days. En suites and bedrooms are private spaces and guests shouldn't expect free access to either. You clearly put the wife on the spot (you noticed she looked surprised that you asked) and she felt she couldn't say no. The husband was clearly put out by you walking in on him dressing in their private space. If they offered you use without being prompted, then happy days - but I think it was pretty poor form to ask. Now it's just a bit uncomfortable for all of you.

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