AIBU to expect to use the en-suite shower if it's the only decent shower in the house?

[climbingquickly]

Stayed 3 nights with DH's friends. They stay with us from time to time. (FYI we have a family bathroom with walk-in shower plus an extra bathroom downstairs with bath only, our guests welcome to use both). They had a new house, gave us the guided tour. Lovely guestroom with a guest bathroom next to it but guest bathroom only had a bath with a shower-attachment (think 3/4 tiled bath with a low-level shower attachment designed for hair-washing). Their en-suite had a walk-in power shower.

So first morning, after breakfast I asked hostess can I use your walk-in shower, she looked surprised but said ok. So I had a quick 10-min shower. When I came out her DP was in bedroom doing up his shirt, he looked at me in shock, said 'guest bathroom's down the hall' so I explained his wife had said i can use en-suite as I wanted a proper shower. Later my DH said his friend had asked him to tell me not to use their en-suite next time!

So for rest of visit I had to crouch in bath-tub washing myself with a handheld shower attachment! DH shrugged it off but i think it's very rude not to let guests use the only decent shower! Was IBU to think they should have let us use their en-suite?

Why invite guests if you really resent them. Strange. If you invite someone to stay, loosen up and look after them.

Maybe they had a bog brush on display in there.

' And has it never occurred to you that maybe some people cannot affor to put in a shower and make do with one of those ones you fit onto the bath taps?'

My god, NO, that would never have occurred to me! Never. Never mind that this is exactly the set up we have in our own home, an HA flat. It's from Croydex and comes completes with a shower rail. Voila, a shower! For £15. Wonders never cease.

It's over the bath, too, so you can take it off and have a bath, if that is what your prefer.

Or stand up and shower.

But in 2015, surely in a Western country, there would be the option of a stand up shower or bath in a new build house?

the op had everything they needed, it just wasn't good enough. Why did the host need to 'loosen up'? I presume there wasn't a bidet in this 'low class' bathroom either. Should the hosts also have offered to hose the op's nether regions every time they went toilet as well? Seriously, even if all you're offered is a bucket and sponge, if you are staying short term at someone's house, being a PITA, imposition is a great way of not being invited again.

I'd never realised quite how awful having to have a bath rather than a shower was...
And I've realised I'm obviously several levels more skanky than a lot of MN. I grew up in a house with at least one adult who bathed once a week and washed thoroughly with a flannel in between (my Gran).She was always smartly turned out,no noticable smells,we all survived...and people have been known to share bathwater in our house...

I'd have thought actually that at this time of year unless you were very unlucky perspiration wise the world would continue on if you didn't shower OR bathe for 3 days.

And I personally think ensuites are icky - who (rhetorical question,as the answer is most people but not me ) wants a bathroom in their bedroom? Particularly one with a loo? Ick,ick.

My last thought is yes,I know things have moved on,one result of this is that we are using an awful lot more water.

Disclaimer:Contrary to the impression I may have given I do bath or shower most days - but really,its washing.How big a deal can how you do it be,as an adult?

.

the fact that OP allows her own guests to use either their family bathroom OR the guest bathroom, is irrelevant. there is a big difference between using a family bathroom and using an en suite. We have survived years of visiting my parents and using the bath in the bathroom, with no shower, and would never have dreamed of asking to use their shower in en suite in their bedroom. And that's close family!

If I have houseguests, i don't expect them to have to go in my bedroom at all - it is private, only us and our DC allowed. I think OP was rude to even ask! But the hostess ought to have warned her DH that there was another woman showering in their en suite, as he could have been stripping off when OP emerged, then this would have been a whole other thread!

If the host has the best shower in the house and the other is way more crap and harder to use then they should offer it, the guest shouldn't have to ask. Load of Hyacynth Buckets around apparently.

but the guest had a perfectly good bath to use, what is the problem 'slumming it' for a couple of days rather than invading someone elses private space??

I think you're pretty rude, sorry. I doubt you'll be asked back so it may all be academic! what more do you need than a decent facility to wash? It's a night at a friend's not the Dorchester.

the way some of you are talking like the OP has a right to use/be offered use of the private shower is really odd. Its not like she was being asked to use the outside loo at the end of the garden instead of their inside loo! They had a perfectly usable bathroom at their disposal. Op just thought it wasn't good enough for her.

We are in the process of redoing our en suite, which is on the guest room, not our room.

We are removing a bidet (I know, right?!) and putting in a double shower. Just so we can have sex in it.

If dp lets me choose all the decor maybe we'll make that anal sex.

I won't tell any guests this is what we use it for.

Our main bathroom has a perfectly good shower but not big enough to shag in when dp is 6'4".

Why on earth would you want or expect your guests to slum it? Probably put out some tesco basic jam for them to use whilst you get your nice 50g of fruit to a 100g, no glucose fructose shit jam out.

the 'slumming it' was reference to OPs obvious displeasure and feeling that the other bathroom was 'beneath her'. My point being, even if OP felt it was 'slumming it', she actually had a perfectly usable bathroom to use. There wano reason to be so rude and entitled and ask the hostess, thereby putting her on the spot!

wano = was no

Hostess should have thought about how her guest/ op puts her needs as a priority when she visits her and offered the better shower instead of El crappo crouchy one. If El crappy crouchy one was the only shower in the house then that would have been different.

And op probably thought nothing of it as she would have done exactly the same for a guest - look after them properly.

But in 2015, surely in a Western country, there would be the option of a stand up shower or bath in a new build house? hmm

Well of course there is. Because obviously you have to have a bathroom. So your scenario of neither is never going to happen. There simp,y would be no chance of the builder getting permission for a house with neither shower or bath.

But what is so difficult to understand that some people may prefer a bath and therefore chose that option from the builder?

Personally, I think over bath showers are crap and got rid of mine for a walk in shower. Before that, I had baths as my preferred option. But that is a matter of personal choice and I'd never judge those who prefer a bath in their own homes.

bambam, seriously, do you go visit friends with the whole intention of 'being looked after'? Including being pampered and indulged, and expect to use their home completely as you would use your own? It doesn't matter if your host has the bloody entrance to sodding Narnia in their room, if they don't offer, it's not up for use! Just because someone is kind enough to let you mooch in their home for a couple of days, does not mean you have instant 'access all areas'. What next, trip advisor reviews for staying at friends? 'Cheryl's idea of breakfast was below expectations, maybe non-brand cornflakes are acceptable at Chez Chav, but us Jones's expect at least 3 varients of organic marmalade on our whole grain toast. And we expect a full tube of toothpaste in your ensuite, with heated towels next time we use the ensuite, you peasants'.

No, I'm very easily pleased and I hope easy going as a guest. I have guests much more often than when it's me being the guest. It just wouldn't bother me to let someone use my ensuite (we actually gave the ensuite room to my child) if the shower was better and easier to use - why wouldn't I? I like my guests to feel at home and relaxed.

Asking to use someone's private bathroom when you have a perfectly adequate en suite or family bathroom available is unspeakably rude. You made your hosts uncomfortable.

You would never set foot in my home again, and I'd probably end up not bothering to return your calls and phase you out of my life completely.

"Just because someone is kind enough to let you mooch in their home for a couple of days, does not mean you have instant 'access all areas'. "

I don't understand this. I only go to visit someone if they have invited me, you know actually want me to visit. You make it sound like I have forced myself on them, that they are doing me a favour letting me "mooch"

It's supposed to be fun and relaxed - hopefully!

Mooch is not a bad term where I'm from, it generally means sit around, relax, not have to worry about doing the washing up. There's a line though, being offered something, and expect things are most certainly on different sides of that line. To me, it's very simple, as I've said before - it doesn't matter if the en-suit is nicer. If it's not offered, and you have adequate washing facilities, you are rude to ask. The host is not rude for not offering. Their home, their prerogative, end of story.

I don't think they'd be much of a host then. I actually enjoy having guests and look forward to it - many here sound like a bunch of misery guts.

I wouldn't like a guest to use my ens-suite. It'd feel a bit like them saying their bed wasn't quite comfy enough and could they come into our room and sleep in ours instead.

The rudest person in this scenario was the host DH.