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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect to use the en-suite shower if it's the only decent shower in the house?

329 replies

climbingquickly · 20/06/2015 21:19

Stayed 3 nights with DH's friends. They stay with us from time to time. (FYI we have a family bathroom with walk-in shower plus an extra bathroom downstairs with bath only, our guests welcome to use both). They had a new house, gave us the guided tour. Lovely guestroom with a guest bathroom next to it but guest bathroom only had a bath with a shower-attachment (think 3/4 tiled bath with a low-level shower attachment designed for hair-washing). Their en-suite had a walk-in power shower.

So first morning, after breakfast I asked hostess can I use your walk-in shower, she looked surprised but said ok. So I had a quick 10-min shower. When I came out her DP was in bedroom doing up his shirt, he looked at me in shock, said 'guest bathroom's down the hall' so I explained his wife had said i can use en-suite as I wanted a proper shower. Later my DH said his friend had asked him to tell me not to use their en-suite next time! Blush

So for rest of visit I had to crouch in bath-tub washing myself with a handheld shower attachment! DH shrugged it off but i think it's very rude not to let guests use the only decent shower! Was IBU to think they should have let us use their en-suite?

OP posts:
whois · 21/06/2015 11:36

I would have let you use my ensuite if it had the only decent shower.

In you place I would also have asked to use the ensuite.

expatinscotland · 21/06/2015 11:44

'Also, I do have to say that I (from another European country, and a few of my fellow nationals) am amazed at the lack of shower facilities in British homes.
When I moved to a small flat in London that had only a small bath, exH and I spent very little in tiling around the bath to the top and added a tap with a shower that allowed to have a proper shower. Surely most homes should have been updated by now. '

This. Never ceases to amaze me. And obviously there is no updating going on because people are buying new builds featuring family bathrooms with only this handheld shower head crap or no shower facilities at all.

Having traveled quite a bit around the world, it is a very British thing, as is this secret pride in having had an outside loo in the 80s. Not really something to shout out about in the Western world.

Lweji · 21/06/2015 12:05

Yup. My new built flat in Portugal has a decent en suite with a good shower and a decent bath (with water jets) and a shower. Not top of the range either.

Stitchintime1 · 21/06/2015 12:07

This thread is heavenly. The duties of guest and host, an inordinate number of bathrooms, too much information about pubic hair, liberal use of the word, "entitled. " it's perfect.

WeAllHaveWings · 21/06/2015 12:13

I have stayed at other peoples homes where they made me feel as welcome and at home as possible; I have stayed with people without spare rooms who insist we sleep in their bedroom while they slept on their living room floor etc.

It is lovely to be made to feel welcome in someone's home and I try to make my guests feel that way too. It called being a good host.

How people can be more precious about their en-suite than their friends bewilders me. Its actually very sad they have their priorities so wrong and I would feel awkward in someone's house who made me feel that way, especially after your friends husbands rude "guest bathroom down the hall" and instruction not to use it again. I wouldn't be staying there again as it sounds like he doesn't really want you there.

JohnCusacksWife · 21/06/2015 12:24

YABU. I'd never ask to use someone's en suite anymore that id ask to go for a snooze in their bed! That's their own private space. You had access to perfectly adequate facilities.

KidLorneRoll · 21/06/2015 12:26

I wouldn't be surprised if some people keep guard dogs in their en-suites in case an unsuspecting guest wanders in there.

It's just weird. Why invite people to your home if you don't like them enough to let them have a decent shower?

eddiemairswife · 21/06/2015 12:47

To the person who is appalled at the idea of sitting in her own filth in a bath that other people have used....... How on earth do bring yourself to place your bare bottom on a lavatory seat that has also been sat on by other people's bare bottoms?

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 21/06/2015 12:53

I imagine she hovers, Eddie. Or carries special wipes and antibacterial hand gel Shock

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 21/06/2015 12:55

Before I joined Mumsnet I genuinely had no idea how terrified some people are of their own bodies.

coconutpie · 21/06/2015 13:01

Jees, you'd swear that the family bathroom of the host only had bucket wash facilities! It had a bath with a handheld shower - it still had a shower! OP could've just stood in bath, wet self with shower head, suds all over and then rinsed off. If somebody is so gracious as to put you up in their home and provide guest facilities to you, then accept those graciously, rather than expecting to use their private space.

I wouldn't be inviting you to stay again! That's just such a big no no in my book. OP, next time check into a hotel.

Love this thread though - ensuitegate.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/06/2015 13:01

This feels like one of those things where each side is utterly baffled by the feelings of the other side. Whether you are on the 'it's only a bathroom, and why wouldn't I want my guest to be comfortable?' side or the 'it's my private space, and I need to keep that when I have guests', it's going to be hard to really get the feelings of the other side.

Me myself, I am perfectly OK with letting someone use my en suite. We have a nice family bathroom, with a good shower, but if someone would find it difficult to climb into the bath (it's a shower over the bath), or if they'd prefer a more powerful shower, then that's fine by me - I offer the use of the en suite, and if they want to take me up on it, that's fine by me.

When we moved from the South East up to Scotland, our removal men had finished packing the van on the Monday, and had driven all the way up to our new house overnight and unloaded the van, and were going to get back in the van to drive all the way back down to the south of England. The boss asked if I minded them using the family bathroom for a quick wash, to freshen up before setting off - and I told them they'd be welcome to use the shower in there, and in the en suite - and dug out towels too.

Mind you - dh did have to chase the van down the road, when they'd gone, because one of them left his workboots in the bathroom! Grin

ShelaghTurner · 21/06/2015 13:04

I'm really tempted to install an en suite in my not very big bedroom just for the sheer joy of not letting people use it. If I had an ensuite it'd be padlocked!

Preciousbane · 21/06/2015 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThisWeeHouse · 21/06/2015 13:07

Schnitzel
Before I joined Mumsnet I genuinely had no idea how terrified some people are of their own bodies.

I get a fright every time I see myself naked. BlushGrin

momtothree · 21/06/2015 13:07

Well why not invite them to use your bank card as well? They are getting a free weekend all inclusive taxi food clean bed AND they want YOUR shower as an expectation

CalleighDoodle · 21/06/2015 13:08

I imagine if it is an ensuite, they have sex in there? I wouldnt want to shower in it.

ThisWeeHouse · 21/06/2015 13:09

Preciousbane
My cat has her own ensuite as she has her litter tray in the cupboard under the stairs with cat flap.

But the important question is, where does she trim her cat flap? Grin

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 21/06/2015 13:14

ThisWeeHouse Are you covered in festering pustules that mean you have to boil wash every towel immediately after touching it? While wearing a hazchem suit in case someone else has touched it? Grin

SurlyCue · 21/06/2015 13:20

Well i opened this thread 100% sure of the answer and now i dont know any answers to anything! Confused but its been fun reading Grin

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 21/06/2015 13:21

I haven't read the whole thread, but think you were rude and entitled. It was three days as a guest in a home, not a hotel for goodness sake. You don't ask for 'better facilities', as much as you wouldn't expect a menu to chose from at dinner time, or a mint on your super fluffed pillows. You have no reason to be put out, I'd be cross with you as well. It would be a while before you'd be invited to stay again if it were me, but fussy guests aren't usually welcomed very often anyway, friends or not.

Athenaviolet · 21/06/2015 13:26

The way I see it, there are friends and friends you don't mind wandering into your bedroom whenever they feel like it. I don't know what the rest of you do in your bedrooms but there are very few of my friends I'd be happy about strolling in there whenever they want. Blush

TeAmoReally · 21/06/2015 13:27

Fwiw, I don't think you were being unreasonable at all in thinking that it's perfectly acceptable to use the ensuite. Hosts tend to accommodate their guests, not make them to feel alien.

I can see why friend's DP got a shock when seeing you come out of bathroom whilst buttoning his shirt but he didn't need to retort that the guest bathroom is down the hall. It's not like you dropped your towel and invited him for a shag. Some people are less welcoming than others. I bet he's also the kind of person that monitors who's had the most wine or eaten the most food etc...

expatinscotland · 21/06/2015 13:40

'Well why not invite them to use your bank card as well? They are getting a free weekend all inclusive taxi food clean bed AND they want YOUR shower as an expectation'

Wow, you must be a really popular host, to invite people you so obviously hate to stay at yours. Hmm

I wouldn't have asked, but want my guests to be comfortable as possible so would have offered the power shower if I had nothing else but a bath with a shower attachment and the wall had that stupid half tile.

And the DH, 'Guest bathroom's down the hall.' How gracious of him. Not like you walked in on him wanking.

I wouldn't go back to stay with them, and I wouldn't have them over anymore , either.

Anyone who is that precious about what is essentially a plastic cubicle isn't someone I'd want to spend a lot of time around.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/06/2015 13:43

In fairness, there's a difference between asking politely, to use the en suite but being fine with it if the host says no, and expecting to be allowed to use it.