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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect to use the en-suite shower if it's the only decent shower in the house?

329 replies

climbingquickly · 20/06/2015 21:19

Stayed 3 nights with DH's friends. They stay with us from time to time. (FYI we have a family bathroom with walk-in shower plus an extra bathroom downstairs with bath only, our guests welcome to use both). They had a new house, gave us the guided tour. Lovely guestroom with a guest bathroom next to it but guest bathroom only had a bath with a shower-attachment (think 3/4 tiled bath with a low-level shower attachment designed for hair-washing). Their en-suite had a walk-in power shower.

So first morning, after breakfast I asked hostess can I use your walk-in shower, she looked surprised but said ok. So I had a quick 10-min shower. When I came out her DP was in bedroom doing up his shirt, he looked at me in shock, said 'guest bathroom's down the hall' so I explained his wife had said i can use en-suite as I wanted a proper shower. Later my DH said his friend had asked him to tell me not to use their en-suite next time! Blush

So for rest of visit I had to crouch in bath-tub washing myself with a handheld shower attachment! DH shrugged it off but i think it's very rude not to let guests use the only decent shower! Was IBU to think they should have let us use their en-suite?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/06/2015 13:44

Posted too soon.

In fairness, there's a difference between asking politely, to use the en suite but being fine with it if the host says no, and expecting to be allowed to use it, and whinging when the host says no.

expatinscotland · 21/06/2015 13:47

The OP did ask, not just take a towel and go in there.

ShelaghTurner · 21/06/2015 13:47

Continuing my series of thoughts on en suite bathrooms Grin if I had one I would absolutely have sex in it. A lot. Possibly all the time. There wouldn't be a window of opportunity for guests to use the shower...

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 21/06/2015 13:48

Absolutely. There are people here who have no issues giving up their 'personal space' to guest, fair enough - how nice of you. However, if its not offered, and other means are available to you (even if it's not up to your precious standards), either accept graciously or go to an actual hotel.

Angria · 21/06/2015 13:50

We often stay with good friends, they give us the exclusive use of the family bathroom adjacent to the guest room and they get the children to use their ensuite. I appreciate them doing this, I wouldn't then ask to use their ensuite.

It seems this is what the hosts of the OP did.

Our own house is distinctly lacking in extra bathrooms so the problem does not exist.

PerspicaciaTick · 21/06/2015 13:53

It's not preciousness though. It is about finding out that your efforts to provide spotlessly clean guest spaces weren't sufficient and now you are having to run around, tidying away your pile cream, fungal toe infection ointment, itchy scalp shampoo, unwashed laundry (low priority due to freshly laundering guest linens) heap, scrubbing the tiles (you scrubbed the guest bathroom tiles but decided your own could last another couple VOC days without full spit and polish) etc. etc. because Ms Fussy will be making herself at home in the spaces you thought were private...just at the time when you are trying to produce breakfast for everyone.

Aussiemum78 · 21/06/2015 13:54

I'm just Shock that people have bathrooms with no shower.

I've never seen a bathroom without a shower. I've seen one without a bath though! And baths with a shower head above.

Mumsnet never fails to educate me on English architecture and design! Grin

expatinscotland · 21/06/2015 13:54

'Continuing my series of thoughts on en suite bathrooms grin if I had one I would absolutely have sex in it. A lot.'

You and your partner must be tiny. You'd have to be quite creative to have sex in most en suites in the UK. I've seen bigger bathrooms in caravans.

Bogeyface · 21/06/2015 13:56

I suspect it went something like this....

OP - Can I use the shower in your ensuite please?

Hostess - There is a shower in the main bathroom

OP - I prefer a proper shower if you dont mind

Hostess - Oh....er....ok...

OP trots off to shower, encounters Host

Host - [hissed whisper] why did you tell her she could use the ensuite?! I was getting dressed when she walked in!

Hostess - Well she put me on the spot, I didnt know what to say!

Host - I thought we agreed that it was our private bathroom

Hostess - We did, but she just seemed to assume it would be ok and I didnt know how to say no. She said that she wanted a proper shower You know what she's like

Wink
expatinscotland · 21/06/2015 13:56

'I've never seen a bathroom without a shower. '

I never encountered one in a Western country until I came to the UK. It's shocking.

I cannot imagine builders in the 2015 constructing new builds with main bathrooms that have no shower. Except in the UK.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/06/2015 13:56

"The OP did ask, not just take a towel and go in there." Yes - but her thread title asks "Am I being unreasonable to expect to use the en suite shower..."

expatinscotland · 21/06/2015 13:59

This thread is even more hilarious when juxtaposed against those about strangers using one's toilet.

binspin · 21/06/2015 14:01

You asked, they said yes out of politeness but said afterwards that they'd rather you didn't. You're making a huge deal out of it.

I no longer have an ensuite but it used to be my space where I could keep it tidy if i wanted but not bother if i didn't want to, same as my bedroom.

If a guest had asked to use the ensuite I'd have let them but done a quick tidy of bedroom and ensuite, I wouldn't be offended by this. I'd be offended that they were over thinking it though!

I usually gave up my room for guests as it was the nicer room because I am lovely.

SoldierBear · 21/06/2015 14:02

The husband was obviously made to feel very uncomfortable in his own home by his friend's wife who had decided the guest bathroom, with bath and hand held shower was not good enough for her. Poor guy was trying to get dressed in his own bedroom when this pushy woman comes strolling out of the en suite. His response was perfectly proper and very polite under the circumstances. (and maybe he had just had a wank - why shouldn't he do that in his own bedroom?)

What would OP have done if there was no power shower in the house?
Used the perfectly fine facilities available.

When you are a guest in somebody's house you behave like a guest, which means being mindful of their hospitality and the fact you are staying in their home. Being so crass as to basically say "that bathroom is not good enough for me" is the height of bad manners.

expatinscotland · 21/06/2015 14:04

Jesus wept! You'd think she took a shit in the middle of the bathroom floor and ordered them to clean it up whilst she and her husband shagged on the hosts' bed. Hmm

soverylucky · 21/06/2015 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aussiemum78 · 21/06/2015 14:16

I think the thread about built in wardrobes and neutral wall colours being a bit boring already blew my mind! I wasn't prepared for no shower bathrooms. Smile

HarrietVane99 · 21/06/2015 14:23

'Shocking' that there are homes in the UK that don't have showers??? I can think of a number of things that happen in other countries that I consider shocking. Bathroom arrangements would not be on the list. It would come under the heading of 'people in different countries have different ways of doing things.'

Bogeyface · 21/06/2015 14:23

OP, what is far more important is the linen.

What was the thread count on the sheets? Because unless it was 300 or above, woven from unicorn hair and washed in angels tears then I think I would have taken a dump in the middle of the en suite.

Some people just dont know how to host.

Birdsgottafly · 21/06/2015 14:31

""You and your partner must be tiny. You'd have to be quite creative to have sex in most en suites in the UK. I've seen bigger bathrooms in caravans.""

Some people will only have anal sex in the shower. I'm glad that I wasn't the only one who only wants an en suite shower to have sex in. Standing up sex doesn't take a lot of room.

I live in a HA house and im nearly 50, so I'm grateful for indoor plumbing.

As for not having no Muslim friends because Islam insists on a shower, that is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on here. You just need to be able to pour and splash water.

My opinion doesn't count for much because I live in a different world, in which you'd make do with the washing facilities offered to you and if there's likely to be very primitive ones available, as there will be when I travel to a Muslim country in October, you stock up on wipes.

WeAreEternal · 21/06/2015 14:34

I would never let guests use our on-suite, the guest room has as perfectly acceptable facilities, as does the family bathroom.

YWBU to ask when you had fully functional suit in your guest room, ok maybe you prefer a shower to a bath but it's only for a few days.

To go as far as to crouch in the bath every day to use the rinse head (as we call them) is ridiculous and just seems as though you were making life difficult for yourself just to make a point.

chicaguapa · 21/06/2015 14:34

I haven't RTFT but if their bed was the comfiest bed in the house would you expect to use that too? Hmm

But they obviously made you feel uncomfortable too so that's bad hosting as well.

SoldierBear · 21/06/2015 15:11

Did Jesus really weep over this transgression?
Possibly.
But surely the question is "would OP deem his tears good enough for her ablutions?"

So some Brits still prefer a bath in their home to a shower?
Get over it. It's none of your business. And has it never occurred to you that maybe some people cannot affor to put in a shower and make do with one of those ones you fit onto the bath taps?

tictactoad · 21/06/2015 15:13

It wouldn't even cross my mind to ask to use someone else's ensuite however long or short the stay. YWBVU and doubly so to crouch in the bath. What on earth was that about? Confused

Oldraver · 21/06/2015 15:19

I would and have let guests use my en-suite shower if they were in the old spare room (upstairs) as the family bathroom has no shower.

However I think you were rude to ask to use their shower when you had a bathroom to use..I think you have to suck it up if it isnt up to your requirments. They were rude to tell you not to use it.

You should of just been gratefull for what you had and made the best of it