To get really pissed off with old ladies telling me my DS 'isn't very happy' when he is crying?

[feezap]

My 9 month old DS has 'a good pair of lungs', he is also a bit of a drama queen and likes everyone to know how he's feeling, good or bad. I'm not worried by this, or being paranoid, a friend has described him as like an air raid siren going off!

I'm used to this and he rarely has a meltdown when we are out and about but today he was teething badly and I was in town about half an hour before he could have any medication. An old dear looked at him and then me and told me that he wasn't very happy. Really? Do you think I haven't noticed? Just bugger off.

MrsDumbledore I was thinking the same thing!

((hugs OP))

I'm sure as others have pointed out the lady was just making conversation, but when your baby is crying and there's nothing you can do/you know they're fine/it's been one of those days it can be so stressful and even wellmeaning comments can bother you sometimes.

It would be helpful to us older people if the bright young things of mumsnet would make a list of acceptable things to say to babies and their mothers. I do understand that after the age of about 55 any interaction at all can be problematic and even eye contact should be avoided. But is smiling at babies still OK? Making faces in attempt to distract while the mother tries to pay for her shopping? Any man doing this is obviously a paedophile- but can a woman do it? Are there any vaguely sympathetic things it's OK to say or is even noticing that the mother is struggling a bit patronising? "Oh,dear, someone's not happy!" has been throwaway comment I have used in the past, but that is now out......

Obvioulsy once you hit 60 you shouldn't leave the house at all.........

After seeing posts like this on mumsnet, I am now going to simply ignore any mums with kids I see in public. I am the type of person that talks to others at bus stops, but if you have kids, I will ignore you.

I don't know how well meaning or not the woman was being. But when you are stressed and the baby is crying etc then it can be hard to accept all these 'well meaning' comments. I've had a woman actually leave the queue at an M&S self checkout to come over to me where I was desperately trying to scan it and get screaming DS out of the shop, just to announce 'he's hungry isn't he?' When he actually wasnt, he was in a phase at 4 months of refusing to sleep in his buggy unless he's had a good scream first. I spent ages not wanting to go out because of it as there were ALWAYS comments 'ooh, someone's hungry! Is it his nappy? Is he tired?' And it really got me down, because it made me feel like people saying that were thinking I was dragging a hungry, full nappies baby around and ignoring him. And I would have done anything for him to be contentedly asleep. I know it happens a lot and usually you can brush it off, but the OP was obviously stressed by the crying and it upset. My favourite random comment has to be an elderly lady coming up to me and randomly saying 'ooh, how old is baby? Does he sleep through the night?' And when I laughingly replied something along the lines of 'if only, nothing like that yet!' She suddenly looked at me very seriously and said 'and who's fault is that? Mummies fault?!' It was so random I had to laugh, but get me on a day when I was tired and he was screaming that would have upset me.

And I get the 'drama queen' joke. DS is a very happy chilled boy most of the time, but can go to sheer outrage very quickly. He shocked the HV when she came this week, all smiles and the I had to change his nappy so he had to lie down... Absolute screaming rage. 'Oh no, what's wrong? What's happened?' Erm, that's what he does when I change his nappy?! Is that not normal?!

My teenage son is a great entertainer of other people's babies when we're out and about- I suppose that's OK because he's not "old"

morage then there will probably be threads about how miserable old people are.

Same here morage. I am the sort of person who chats to anyone in passing, but mothers with babies appear to be taboo - especially at my age. Shame as it makes the world a much friendlier place when people don't over analyse off the cuff friendly conversation.
I will stick to those with dogs- they haven't complained yet!

It is very sad to see misogyny alive and well amongst women.

Please remember without those old biddies you wouldn't be here.

Mehitabel - Yes friendly conversation makes the world a nicer place. I am not lonely at all. I was just brought up in a world where people interacted and talked.

People complain about the British not liking children and you can see why! The message is loud and clear- smile indulgently from afar and think 'what wonderful little darlings' but never ever try and make conversation or a joke or intimate that you do understand because you were a young mother once.

Also remember that you will be an 'old biddy' very shortly! I'm sure a lot of MNetters see themselves as Peter Pan!
I much prefer interacting and talking- without every sentence being over anyalysed. I got the sense of OP without quibbling about babies and 'drama queens' ! If mothers with babies can make silly statements like that why are older people banned from it?

She was talking about her own child Mehitabel. She can be as rude as she likes (within reason).

Why is it such a travesty to think that people of a certain age should conform to the same social etiquette as everyone else when it comes to commenting on strangers' children?

Is it helpful? Is it kind? Is it likely to be received well? No? Zip it then.

Because saucyjack, we were brought up in a world where people talked to each other. It is clear from MN that talking to mothers with children is forbidden.

I find old people so annoying

I find ignorant bigoted people annoying personally. At 51 I shall now remain indoors for the rest of my life. Or perhaps I should be burnt at the stake for not being young, like they did in the Middle Ages.That would stopthe ageing population making patronising comments wouldn't it?

You know - all you antsy young darlings with your snippy insular attitudes would do well to bear in mind the saying of a certain Capuchin monk -

"We were like you
You will be like us"

Just think about that will you? Thanks!

Oh dear...Another old dear here who thought she was being supportive.

In my defence, I have never said "he's tired / must be hungry / you're a crap mother" cos heck, what do i know what's wrong with the baby. If his mother can't cheer him up, there's no way I know any better!

My default is a smile at the mother, glance at screaming child and say "sometimes I feel like that too". Now i know that by saying that, the mother will have deduced that it is her screaming child that makes me feel like joining in (which it isn't), when all i mean is "babies cry"

I'm definitely in the 'old dear' category being nearly 65 .
Were I to say such a thing I would probably accompany it by trying to distract said banshee-baby and make him/her laugh (it often works IME). And say something admiring about what a lovely child he /she was . But I would never touch one, univited

I like babies and try and empathise with (possibly harassed ) mums

The most' ancient dear' of all here. I have learnt many words and phrases on Mumsnet.

I just mutter 'fuckit shop online' now whilst ostentatiously turning down my hearing aid and smiling widely and gormlessly at the world.

we were brought up in a world where people talked to each other. It is clear from MN that talking to mothers with children is forbidden
Oh fgs there's a massive difference between saying something neutral or giving a knowing look and coming over to tell you baby needs something to eat, haven't you changed his nappy recently etc
I've met some absolutely wonderful, interesting, engaging older women at bus stops & usually baby stops/on dog walks & some have become lifelong friends. And why are all the over 50s on here getting upset and defensive about being old biddies if you don't say anything offensive then you're unlikely to be who the op is talking about (more likely over 80s who don't give a shit how rude they are??) anyway please don't stop talking to young mums you're not old biddies

Probably not meant as a criticism - more like a sympathetic remark from someone who has brought up kids of their own. this.

Please don't call me 'dear'.
Thank you.

Or over 80s who may suffer from dementia and simply not understand that they are being rude.
If you wouldn't judge a child for lack of social awareness don't judge an elderly person.

You know all those countries that are said to love babies? There people will interact with your baby and children without permission. They will touch your baby, and maybe even lift her up.
Here the message is clearly speaking to me or my child may upset me, so say and do nothing. That is why some mothers think people here don't like babies.
I have said, oh he/she is upset. Not meant to be a criticism. It is an observation, and meant to mean - Yes I know what that is like to have a screaming baby.

I have often wanted to offer to hold a small baby while a mum with other little one(s) tried desperately to see to them/eat her own lunch /whatever (been there, done that) but have never dared, in case I gave the wrong impression .
Was once at the top of an escalator at an airport . Mum with child in buggy and another, about 4 , in tow .went onto escalator(very long, deep) with buggy, instructing other child to follow . She didn't . Mother looked back, horrified . Top lip quivered, child obviously about to go into melt-down .I instructed DD1 to take one,hand I took the other and we hoisted her on before she could object and 'accompanied' her down. Mum was very grateful . I might think twice in future
I also, despite my advanced age and wonky knees ,often help mums with buggies onto to trains, down steps etc . Should I not do that either?
It takes a village to raise a child(Hilary Clinton, I think)
Just out of curiousity, how old do MNs think is 'old' ? (as in 'old dear')