To get really pissed off with old ladies telling me my DS 'isn't very happy' when he is crying?

[feezap]

My 9 month old DS has 'a good pair of lungs', he is also a bit of a drama queen and likes everyone to know how he's feeling, good or bad. I'm not worried by this, or being paranoid, a friend has described him as like an air raid siren going off!

I'm used to this and he rarely has a meltdown when we are out and about but today he was teething badly and I was in town about half an hour before he could have any medication. An old dear looked at him and then me and told me that he wasn't very happy. Really? Do you think I haven't noticed? Just bugger off.

Thanks, Lego! You sound lovely!

Actually now that you mention it though and seeing what a bunfight this thread has turned into, it is probably just my irrational hatred of older women that drives my perception of their comments. Personally I think they should all be burned at the stake as witches, the horrible bastards. In fact once I turn 60 myself, I fully intend to self-immolate so I can avoid their fate as hated outcasts.

Eh?

Its good that you can see that Solas-it shows insight and gives you the ability to think twice and give people the benefit of the doubt. It also can help you feel better yourself-much nicer to think people are trying to be supportive than to think they are having a go at you.
If they are actually being mean its their problem anyway-not yours.

I haven't got time to read the whole thread but my comment isn't about age.

Just, does anyone else feel, when they see a crying child being pushed in a buggy or pram - that it might solve the problem just to stop and pick them up? And maybe give them a feed if necessary?

This always, always solved it for mine, all three of them - it seems like sometimes people just keep pushing the buggy, too embarrassed to stop or pick up the baby as though people would perceive that as their having 'failed'?

I know it isn't always that simple and sometimes you just have to 'go', and can't pick them up. But sometimes I want to tell the person, 'Please just pick him/her up, it's Ok, no one will mind, in fact there are probably several women who are willing you to do it right now'.

I did have some bad journeys trying to manoeuvre a pram while holding a tiny screeching baby in the pouring rain, in January, and crouching in a side street doorway trying to feed him, because he wouldn't lie in the pram, ever, without crying.

I just carried him a lot of the time while pushing it with one hand. Painful memories but still so much easier than letting him cry

"Was that a joke Out2pasture? Never heard of the concept of victim blaming?"

"We all have a basic,human right to go about our own business in public in peace."

I realise this was in response to a comment saying, amongst other things, "stay indoors if you don't like people chatting to you" but really this isn't victim blaming.

Someone spoke to the OP. Just one sentence. They said her baby didn't sound very happy. She's not a victim of anything.

This thread is nuts! So much offence being taken with all these assumptions about age (of mums and of 'old dears'). I'm probably almost an old dear but happen to have young children and I think OP YANBU.

I am certainly not a bright young thing of Mumsnet but a couple of years ago when dd1 was shrieking in her buggy and I'd tried everything to calm her down I would have felt annoyed by anyone commenting on it because I'd have interpreted it as criticism or a veiled 'shut that baby up'.

Seriously Sophie -you think in my example earlier I should have just plonked myself down in the middle of the aisle in asda for half an hour and fed ds whilst also trying to entertain and supervise a 5 yo, or picked him up and miraculously pushed a buggy, carried a basket of shopping, supportively and soothingly carried a newborn and kept an eye on where 5yo dd is, rather than just leave him cry the 5 mins or so it took to finish off a pay for our shopping?

Several posters have made out like me and others are being paranoid for thinking anyone is judging our parenting if our baby cries, but posts like Sophieshatters and several early on like auntymag10 and treeshine prove that some people are judgmental about crying babies.

Mrs D, I hadn't seen your post but I have gone back now and read it.

I think if it was 5 minutes then you're probably right to have carried on but on balance, if it were going to be any longer than that, if I had a 2-3 week old baby then yes I would have put down the basket, put the brake on the buggy, told the 5yo to be good and picked him up.

I can't bear to hear a baby crying. It's all they have got - they need us to help them out. It upsets me to think that they think I'm not listening, and making their throat sore by crying.

If you had fed so recently then maybe it was wind or something.

I have as I said, carried a newborn while pushing a pram simply because he was upset to be lying down, and it wasn't easy but imo it was necessary.

It isn't judgment of the parent. It's really not that at all and I feel for the parent and their embarrassment.

It's a physical pain from hearing a crying baby. It actually hurts so much to hear it.

When I comment to people whose babies are crying, it isn't me being friendly, it's me hinting that they ought to pick them up. Yes sit down on a wall, sit on a shop display, or on the ground - stop in an aisle, do whatever it takes - I'd willingly help - but just do whatever it takes to stop them crying.

I don't know if I am weird in feeling like this. I'm sorry if it is wrong somehow. But it absolutely isn't judgmental thinking, it's just a very strong instinct I suppose to respond to the baby.