To get really pissed off with old ladies telling me my DS 'isn't very happy' when he is crying?

[feezap]

My 9 month old DS has 'a good pair of lungs', he is also a bit of a drama queen and likes everyone to know how he's feeling, good or bad. I'm not worried by this, or being paranoid, a friend has described him as like an air raid siren going off!

I'm used to this and he rarely has a meltdown when we are out and about but today he was teething badly and I was in town about half an hour before he could have any medication. An old dear looked at him and then me and told me that he wasn't very happy. Really? Do you think I haven't noticed? Just bugger off.

YABU she was offering support and trying to be friendly

It is the kind of thing I would say too. It is meant to be sympathetic.

I'm with Excuse....the lady did not make an 'insensitive and personal remark'. More than the OP needs a grip I fear...

I had someone of the age bracket you are probably describing comment to me that ds2 was hungry.
He wasn't hungry, I'd fed the little chap right before I left for the supermarket and was trying to dash round for what I needed as fast as I could - usually heavily impeded by his older brother. Ds2 hated being in the baby seat in the trolley and liked to let the whole world know.
I was going to get his a T-shirt that read 'I do not need feeding, I am not neglected but I am collicky and I hate shopping trolleys. Please leave my mum alone.' but they told me it wouldn't fit.
If someone wants to say something supportive then how about 'Oh my little baby hated shopping too! Screamed just as loud!'
Or just butt out.

I feel a bit sorry for you as people won't read your response - they never do!
Glad you see it in perspective now- just friendliness.

Fascinated by how old these people actually are- and why the age has any relevance.

OK, I really should gave said 'people' rather than 'old ladies' in the thread title, it is just that it has always been older ladies that have made these comments. I've heard 'poor baby your mother is ignoring you' before (fortunately not aimed at me, I would have been upset).

Now I understand from some of your responses that it is generally meant in a nice way, even if it comes over in an accusatory manner, I won't let it upset me.

It's definitely not a dislike of older people (I will try to be more PC). I've had many come over to play, chat and interact with DS, one lovely man gave me a tissue as I had run out and pulled faces to distract DS from having his snotty nose wiped

Yanbu op.

Why don't you tell these interfering old hags to mind their own business and fuck off to the Darby & Joan club. That'll learn 'em.

YABU... sounds like you are not very attentive to your baby and are sensitive when this is pointed out.

I often find crying babies a bit heartbreaking tbh and have been known to comment! In a nice way though!

I hate hearing really tiny ones screaming and screaming, clearly hungry and distressed. Not saying the parent isn't about to attend to it but at some basic level I find it gut wrenching. I guess we are programmed too, especially if you are already a mother,

Just smile and carry on. That's what I would do.

Thank you for all the reasonable responses, it has helped!

For those of you feeling sorry for DS, I had just come out of a shop (rather than staying chatting to a friend while she got her bits and bobs) as going outside generally cheers him up, which it did, moments later. I suppose what upset me was what I thought was a judgemental comment when the person knew nothing about me, DS or the situation.

Perhaps I was a little foolish to post in AIBU as I find this upsetting

I find old people so annoying

I find generalisations pretty annoying maxxytoe

OP -I am with you in hating this kind of comment, and was moaning about it a few days ago. I know people aren't being nasty, but anyone commenting on your child when they are crying makes you watched and self conscious, just when you are stressed by the crying and trying to either comfort them or get the shopping finished quickly so you can go home / sit down somewhere to feed Etc

Am amazed at how rude some posters have been to you OP! I know a lot of parents in RL who would identify with what you said, rather than pick apart how you said it and accuse you of being inattentive to your baby . Another contender for the difference between MN and RL thread!

It's helpful to hear how such comments might be received though. I do say it by way of sympathy/solidarity etc but didn't consider it might be taken as being critical, judgemental etc.

What does the name Sleepybeanbump mean?

Treeshine- how bloody judgemental. Babies and children cry, does not mean they are being neglected!

Why do some people take somethings on here so out of proportion?

I actually agree with op - the comment would have been irritating, even if it was well meaning.

I do think it is said in sympathy and understanding re your DS and you. As in to the child, "Yes, it IS so hard being a baby/child stuff happens that you don't understand and can't control and no one will do anything about it." They remember the times that their own DC were very "unhappy" and when they, as a parent, had no way of remedying it or really any way of knowing why DC was just so NOT pleased. I don't think that they are indicating that they feel you, as the parent, are at fault.

I think it's very much the opposite of "Why don't you do something about your child?" or "It's obvious why that child is crying -- horrible parent!"

However, OP, I can certainly understand why you might have misinterpreted this kind of remark. People can make the most self-serving and stupid remarks about other peoples' children.

When my first baby was 3 weeks old I had to go to shop very quickly - she had just been fed and was crying a bit in buggy but would go to sleep if I kept moving buggy. A woman (and yes she was older) told me that perhaps the baby was hungry - it made me so cross at the time, I was over sensitive and thought does she honestly think i didn't think to feed baby?

Now (three babies on ) I couldn't care less if someone made a comment - I know I'm doing the best job I can and just nod, smile, ignore to unhelpful comments.

I never minded this when mine was a baby - he was either screaming for food or being utterly charming for the crowd. What exactly do young mums today want? Complete isolation? Everyone else to stare ahead pretending they don't exist? Permission in writing to look at your pfb? Would you like us to hold up a card saying any of the following with a 'tick all those that apply'?
WHAT A CUTE BABY
AWWW BLESS HE/SHE/IT ISN'T HAPPY ABOUT SOMETHING
PLEASE STAB ME NOW FOR DARING TO INTERACT WITH YOU
SHOULD I JUST SHUFFLE OFF AND MIND MY GERIATRIC BUSINESS

You know you are just another human being who happens to be carrying round a small human being and that it is the nature of the species, mostly, to empathise and interact right?
Incidentally - at what age does a woman cross over from being a valued member of society into a decrepit worthless old biddy?

Ha, I read the OP and thought 'shit, when referred to a lady of age as an old dear and she called her baby a drama queen, she is going to get a flaming'! In was not wrong!

YANBU - it is annoying when people (of any age to be fair) say 'awwww he's not happy is he?' Im like 'YA THINK?!'

As for

YABU... sounds like you are not very attentive to your baby and are sensitive when this is pointed out.

Tbh this sort of comment annoyed me too. Being stood in a queue at a coffee shop, desparate for a drink with an unhappy 6 month old in a pram - I was overtired and strung out, baby was overtired, and I get told by people in the queue that he's hungry/not happy - these are not helpful comments to a struggling new mother. The actual helpful one I had was someone who once came over and offered to hold my baby so I could eat :)

I'm with you op & some of these responses are hilarious. I used to live in a seaside town full of lovely 'old dears' walking along the promenade I used to take strong willed ds down to the seaside every morning. Of course he didn't want to leave/hated going in his pushchair- me pregnant I just used to strap him in & march home for lunch omg the looks & comments I used to get were not friendly. Interfering & insensitive yep.

I get annoyed when people interfere or comment on what my children are doing too - yes, they are usually older people. I would definitely prefer to be ignored but perhaps I'm just miserable. My least favourite is 'you've got your hands full' or similar.

YABU. Poor woman was probably too polite to say "Shut up your banshee baby before my eardrums explode".