Is this MIL's finest hour?

[namechangeorimfucked]

I've had to name change because my family members know my name on here and if they knew what she was doing all hell would break loose..

MIL is currently on her way to the hospital to visit a relative (her niece). Niece has just this morning welcomed her first baby after a very traumatic labour that has lasted days. A failed induction and many hours later, she has had an EMCS and both are apparently doing well. MIL knows about all this because her SIL has been giving her updates as she receives them from her DD and her partner. She has relayed said details to me and DH.

MIL gets on ok with her SIL but does not like her niece, she has been very judgmental all through her pg, both behind her back and to her face. As a result of this, niece and MIL fell out at a family gathering about 3 months ago.

MIL received a message from her SIL saying that the baby is here but they do not want visitors til visiting time tonight. Despite being told this, MIL is going to the hospital to see the baby... Her SIL is not even attempting to go yet and its her GC.

Niece lives in another county, MIL is on her way there now, NHS staff badge around her neck, to pop in and see the baby. She accused the niece and of being 'silly' and once she gets there she will be happy to have a visitor. She also said that she has to go now because she is busy later in the week and 'can't be expected to wait for them'

The Niece's DP is on facebook now letting everyone know things are ok. Do me and DH tell him she is coming?

We explained to her that she will not be let in if they don't want to see her and she said she 'knows her way around' and is 'practically staff'. She is expecting to see the baby before her own SIL...this is going to cause a shitstorm so big it will consume us all.

"She says she is busy this weekend and said Niece and her DP will only get annoyed with her when they ask her to visit and she can't. She thinks she is doing them a favour."

I think she knows exactly what she's doing, and it ain't a favour.

Classic narcissism: niece having a baby even without the difficult birth would have made her the centre of family attention for a while. Niece having baby under difficult circumstances ups the ante. MIL has found a way to pull all of the focus of the day back onto her (even though it's negative attention: the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about, after all), and I'd guess that a showdown when she swoops into the hospital is exactly what she's after.

She sounds utterly vile :(

What.A.Bitch.

I hope the ward nurse takes her gloves off and thoroughly enjoys the fight.

I hope she gets all the way there and is turned away with a flea in her ear. I suspect DN may never want your MIL to visit her or her baby after this stunt.

If she is misusing her NHS pass to get past security in another hospital where she doesn't work, that should be a disciplinary matter, surely?

Oh good grief. I very much hope the woman takes note of how many pegs she's about to be dropped, though from the sound of it she'll not.

I hope the new young family are doing ok. Nobody needs that crap on a day like this.

Is this the MIL ho was going to a christening even when she wasn't invited?

So, what's the MIL's estimated time of arrival at the hospital? Hope it's not during the school run!

She pretended to know what it was about so the old friend spoke about it, not realising she was giving away something I didn't want MIL to know about

As nasty and vile that your MIL sounds for doing this, its the other person who is in the wrong - no matter whether they thought your MIL knew or didn't know they should never have spoken about you to anyone else, especially on the telephone when they could have been talking to anyone. Major breach of confidentiality. I hope you put in a written complaint.

What a horrible woman.

I hope the new mum and baby are both well and the new dad is managing to support them both well.

She sounds awful, good on your DH and you!

gob has been well and truly smacked

Fucking hell

What an utter bitch

You have definitely done the right thing OP.

Hope you have made the call Namechanged

Ooof what a horrible woman

She set off at around 11.30, maybe a bit later. I know it takes about 2 hours to get the the niece's house. I reckon we will hear from her a bit later, and I will certainly be updating. DP has said he will let us know what happens when she gets there.

The thing is, her badge really holds no merit at all! Everyone will look at it, see the department know its not their trust and question why she is there. Can she not see that it will only take one member of staff to report her to her own trust..

I think this is possibly the worst thing she has ever done.

She will not be able to swipe past the door with a different hospital pass - only staff employed there can have that access and I would imagine areas with more vulnerable patients ( paeds, maternity, mental health) will have only a certain members of staff who can access.

If she is planning to use her badge inappropriately to force her way in this is very unethical.
It doesn't matter who you are and where you are employed - all this highhanded " don't you know Im a < insert HCP here > is usually ignored by the HCP looking after the pt anyway.
Im a HCP and mention it if relevant( to avoid lengthy explanations etc )but to obtain this type of access to someone is an abuse of position and not what is expected in terms of integrity.

I definitely think you have done the right thing. Maybe it will teach MIL that she can't do as she pleases.

'Niece has told her DP to tell the MIL in advance not to come, but he won't, he said he wants her to get all the way there and be turned away. MIL's SIL also wants to tell her not to come but DP is adamant he doesn't want her to know'

I think the Niece's DP needs to listen to the woman who's just had a tough birth and do what she wants. I'd hate to be lying there knackered waiting for bitchMil to turn up and fretting about it when i should be enjoying my new baby. Better a phone call so its dealt with and she doesn't have to worry about it anymore and can get on with having a lovely day rather than the bitchMils drama invading anymore of it.

She wont be able to swipe in- only hospital staff and especially in vulnerable areas it will be restricted .

She can show her badge and if I were the Midwife I would ask her in what capacity it was relevant < very politely>

She is a narcissist. No one matters but her.
Don't ever worry about upsetting her. She will play on what she sees as anyone else's 'weakness'
I have a boss who is like that and he is a victim and everyone else is 'wrong'.
I have found the only way to deal with him is to stand up to him.

Have you heard whether she's there yet or not?

Definitely done the right thing there OP by letting the new parents know what is coming in their general direction.

Not knowing how long ago that phone call betweek the MiL and her old school friend was but if it was fairly recently, you could consider making a formal complaint if you wanted to. It is just leaping off the screen how your MiL has no concept of boundaries and how often she is crossing them with blatant disregard for anyone and anything.

Is it wrong to be watching this thread for an update later

At 39+4 wks pregnant, I'm so pleased my family are chilled out and certainly won't be visiting me in hospital.